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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

    Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
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  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
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giveaway

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Crystal Delights Crystal Twist glass dildo
Giveaways

Shiny twisty swanky glass dildo winner

February 5, 2012
The shiny twisty swanky glass dildo giveaway has concluded, and I must say, it was a roaring success! Not only...
Keep Reading
Crystal Delights Crystal Twist glass dildo
Giveaways

Shiny twisty swanky glass dildo giveaway!

January 17, 2012
You want this dildo. First, as you can see, it’s gorgeous. It’s glimmery. It’s iridescent. It has an effing Swarovski crystal...
Keep Reading
Gift cards to SheVibe, Early to Bed, Babeland, and MyPleasuure
Giveaways

Blogiversary giveaway gift card winners

November 7, 2011
Thanks, peeps, for being total badasses! I had a great turnout in my 3-year blogiversary / 200 reviews giveaway. Now...
Keep Reading
Gift cards to SheVibe, Early to Bed, Babeland, and MyPleasuure
Giveaways

Blogiversary giveaway: celebrating 200 reviews with 600 bucks!

October 6, 2011
Oh snap, my friends! This week is my 3-year blogging anniversary, and I’ve hit 200 reviews written! I wrote 35 reviews...
Keep Reading
ALL GREEN sex toys! YES!
Giveaways

Green sex toy giveaway winners

March 19, 2011
Let me begin by saying, YOU GUYS ARE INSANE. I feel like I just spent half my life counting entries...
Keep Reading
ALL GREEN sex toys! YES!
Giveaways

Giveaway: Green sex toys for everyone!

February 28, 2011
I’ve never been a big participator in St. Patrick’s Day. I don’t go out and get wasted on Irish Car...
Keep Reading
Prizes in my 2-year blogiversary giveaway!
Giveaways

2-year blogiversary giveaway winners

October 16, 2010
Wow! What a giveaway! You guys are, um, a little bit insane, and have kept me quite busy counting all...
Keep Reading
Prizes in my 2-year blogiversary giveaway!
Giveaways

Blogiversary giveaway: 2 years, 8 prizes!

October 4, 2010
My 2-year anniversary of blogging — and 3-year anniversary of sex toy reviewing — is approaching fast! And of course,...
Keep Reading
Gift card to My Tickle Spot
Giveaways

We came, we Tickled.

August 28, 2010
Hoorah! My Tickle gift card giveaway went swimmingly. The Twitter parties were great — we discussed many awesome things, like how...
Keep Reading
Gift card to My Tickle Spot
Giveaways

Giveaway: It’s raining Tickle gift cards!

August 15, 2010
So, peeps, remember those Twitter parties I held a while back? They were awesome and really fun, so I decided...
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Woodgasm sex toy giveaway: wooden sex toys all lined up.
Giveaways

Woodgasm giveaway winner + a question

June 22, 2010
I had such fun with all of you throughout my Woodgasm giveaway! Especially at the bangin’ Twitter parties! Now that...
Keep Reading
Woodgasm sex toy giveaway: wooden sex toys all lined up.
Giveaways

Giveaway: Woodgasm

June 6, 2010
Wooden sex toy manufacturer NobEssence makes some of the most beautiful — and expensive — sex toys out there. And...
Keep Reading
MARCH OF THE COCKS! Graphic of tons of VixSkin dildos, all lined up.
Giveaways

Squeeze some VixSkin winner!

May 18, 2010
Damn! You guys really like dildos, don’t you?! The response to my Squeeze some VixSkin giveaway was immense. I wish...
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MARCH OF THE COCKS! Graphic of tons of VixSkin dildos, all lined up.
Giveaways

Giveaway: Squeeze some VixSkin!

May 1, 2010
It’s no secret I adore VixSkin, the soft-on-the-outside and hard-on-the-inside silicone invented by Vixen Creations. Right now, I’m still on...
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Courtney Trouble
AnnouncementsGiveaways

It’s Courtney Trouble week!

February 1, 2010
If you don’t know who Courtney Trouble is, you should get on that. Creator of the groundbreaking queer porn site...
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Colorful Tickler vibrators all in a row.
Giveaways

Tickler winner!

January 25, 2010
I was delighted by the response to my Tickler giveaway. I received a boatload of comments! But of course, there...
Keep Reading
1 2 3 4 5

Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

LELO PicoBong Kiki vibrator (photo by Mandi at EROntric, used with permission)

Review: Kiki

Bouquet of hand drawn sex toys.

Friends who have sex with each other

Jimmyjane Form 5 and Hello Touch X vibrators (plus masking tape labels) next to some fall leaves.

Review: Form 5 + Hello Touch X

Hot Octopuss Queen Bee oscillating rechargeable vibrator on a yellow polka dot plate.

Review: Queen Bee

Strapless strap-on dildos. Tantus Feeldoe More, Tantus Realdoe Stout, Fun Factory ShareVibe, Happy Valley Tango.

Why I don’t like strapless strap-on dildos

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