Review: Vanity by Jopen Vr9

This vibrator is not purple. It is fuchsia. Let it be known. Despite every product photo ever depicting it as a nice, moderate color of purple, it is instead a bright fuchsia that made me gasp when I opened the package. I’ll survive, but I just wanted you to know.

The Vanity by Jopen line is a mysterious line of luxury-style sex toys made by big-wigs California Exotic Novelties. Actually, I found out, the line was originally invented by BMS Factory and named Swan, but Cal Exotics bought the rights to it for North American distribution. To distance themselves from their sleazy reputation (for reference, they make things like this and this), Cal Exotics created a faux-company named Jopen, and each toy in the Vanity line is named Vr1, Vr2, etc. How this is supposed to entice consumers, I do not know, but I do find the masking of their actual company a bit icky.

But it did entice me a little, because the Vr9 (WTF, seriously?) is shaped like one of my favorite dildos ever, the NobEssence Seduction. I haven’t tried a new Cal Exotics toy in a whole year (the last one was the My Mini Miracle Massager), but I was intrigued enough to give this one a try.

And you know what? I am strangely impressed. Well, not by the packaging; it comes in a plain white cardboard box. Inside is a huge-ass drawstring storage bag with the word JOPEN on it, the charging cord, the manual, and a piece of frosted vellum that advertises every single feature of this toy that they could possibly think of (no need to shove promo at me, guys, now that the toy is in my possession). The toy comes already charged, and I haven’t needed to charge it since.

First things first when it comes to Cal Exotics: is it actually silicone? It doesn’t have much of a smell to it, and it certainly feels soft like silicone. I did a flame test on it with a match; it didn’t melt, but a faint black soot mark remains, even after washing. I asked Metis Black, president of Tantus, what this could mean, and she explained, “The soot is from oils in the silicone. Every silicone recipe is different so each has a different volume of oils (dimethicone etc). It usually wipes right away, or that has been my experience. It’s odd that this line doesn’t.”

So, while I personally believe that the Vr9 is made of 100% silicone, I would advise against sharing it without a condom, just in case. I would also suggest using a lot of lube with this thing; the silicone is very velvety and can drag if there’s not enough.

The Vr9 has two circular buttons on its middle to control the two motors, one in each end. A button must be held down in order to increase the vibration strength, which can take some getting used to; just pressing the button once will turn off the vibrations altogether, and on most toys that is how you move to the next setting. If you are a person who routinely decreases vibration strength while using a toy, being unable to do so could drive you mad. Personally, I like the controls — they make it easy to quickly get to the strength I want.

And the vibration strength is very good! Definitely strong enough for me. If you turn both motors on, the vibrations seem to undulate from end to end slightly. The smaller end can even be used clitorally.

The small end is a pretty rad G-spotter. Not for me personally, because I like my G-spot stimulation to come from thick toys, but it’s a great shape. It’s also flexible, so it doesn’t ever feel awkward when thrusted (although it does make a sloshing noise…). If the toy weren’t so damn expensive, I’d definitely recommend it for G-spot beginners.

The large end is decent, too, but a couple factors made it less than perfect for me. One: the small end doesn’t make a very good handle; it’s very pliable and makes thrusting a bit weird. Two: the large end is simply not curved enough to do the extreme G-spotting I had hoped for. Like, compared side-by-side with the Seduction, the Seduction has a more pronounced curve — and it makes a difference. The Vr9 does press against my G-spot, it’s just not as intense as it could be.

The Vr9 charges via a seemingly regular jack, yet somehow the toy is fully waterproof. I do not understand this, but I tossed it in a sink full of water and proceeded to forget about it… and when I came back, it was still vibrating the living daylights out of itself underwater. So… somehow they have managed to make it completely submersible despite its average charging jack.

$145 is the Vr9’s pricetag. On one hand, it makes sense: the toy is rechargeable, covered in 100% silicone, waterproof, double-ended, and has two motors. On the other hand, this toy is made by Cal Exotics, who are not exactly known for luxury, so I feel like they are aiming a little too high with the price of this one. Also, I would personally only pay $145 for a sex toy that would change my life.

But I feel confident in saying that the Vanity by Jopen line is a massive improvement over Cal Exotics’ other attempt at silicone toys with their Couture Collection. Whereas the Couture toys were average, battery-operated, and featured obnoxious battery chambers, the Vr9 is a more realized attempt at rivaling the luxury toy makers. Does it succeed? It would need to have better packaging for that, but it comes strangely close.