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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

    Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
  • Random

Crystal Delights

Crystal Delights makes gorgeous glass toys with Swarovski crystals in their bases. My favorite toys of theirs are the Crystal Twist (my review) and Star Delight (my review), but they also make beautiful butt plugs, some with fluffy animal tails, others with fantastically-colored tails. The people behind Crystal Delights are also very kind.

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Graphic advertising the Amplified Voices Sex Blogger Scholarship, sponsored by Early to Bed, Fuze, We-Vibe, Dame, Crystal Delights, and OhMiBod.
Announcements

Announcing the Amplified Voices Sex Blogger Scholarship!

July 6, 2017
Hi! Me again! Today I am using exclamation points a lot because...
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November 6, 2016
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Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2014

December 30, 2014
Oh hey, remember 2014? It was the year I was a guest...
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Review: The Ash Girl

December 3, 2014
I have a lot of glass dildos, but I find it disturbingly...
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Greatest HitsGuides

Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

November 15, 2013
If you ask me, sex toys are way better gifts than socks...
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Tenga Vi-Bo vibrators
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: vibrating orbs and pony tail butt plugs

October 14, 2013
The We-Vibe 4 is almost here. It’s smaller than the We-Vibe 3,...
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Sex toy news: silicone paddles and self-lubricating vibrators

March 29, 2013
Tenga is breaking out of the masturbation sleeve box they’ve created for...
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Epiphora's best sex toys of 2012
Best & Worst Sex Toys of the YearGuides

Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2012

December 20, 2012
Ahhh, yearly traditions! As 2012 comes to a close (how did that happen,...
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Crystal Delights Crystal Twist swirly glass dildo on my porch.
DildosSex Toy Reviews

How to make a gorgeous dildo even prettier

December 7, 2012
I like toys that do all the taking-good-photos work for me. The...
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4-year blogiversary giveaway sex toy prizes
Giveaways

4-year blogiversary giveaway winners

October 29, 2012
Wow. I’m about 99% certain my 4-year blogiversary giveaway was the most...
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4-year blogiversary giveaway sex toy prizes
Giveaways

4-year blogiversary giveaway — 15 prizes!

October 3, 2012
Four motherfuckin’ years, my friends. That’s how long this blog has been...
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Crystal Delights Star Delight close-up of the beautiful glacier blue aqua Swarovski crystal in the end.
DildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Star Delight

August 6, 2012
Most sex toys, even the ones I end up loving, require multiple...
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Crystal Delights Crystal Twist glass dildo
Giveaways

Shiny twisty swanky glass dildo winner

February 5, 2012
The shiny twisty swanky glass dildo giveaway has concluded, and I must...
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Crystal Delights Crystal Twist glass dildo
Giveaways

Shiny twisty swanky glass dildo giveaway!

January 17, 2012
You want this dildo. First, as you can see, it’s gorgeous. It’s...
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Crystal Delights Crystal Twist swirly glass dildo on my porch.
DildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Crystal Twist

January 17, 2012
You may or may not be asking yourself, how can one go...
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ALL GREEN sex toys! YES!
Giveaways

Giveaway: Green sex toys for everyone!

February 28, 2011
I’ve never been a big participator in St. Patrick’s Day. I don’t...
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Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

BlissMe vibrators: Mr. Cowboy, Mr. U.K., Mr. Right, Mr. Badboy, and Mr. C.E.O

Um, No: BlissMe vibrators with… personalities

The pinnacle of relief

Me in a motel in 2002, on the bed writing in my journal.

Becoming a real writer

Slice of rainbow pride cake necklaces on a tie-dye fabric

The things we’ve built

Holding the key to dildo mansion.

15 things I learned buying a house as a sex blogger

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