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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

    Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
  • Random

California Exotic Novelties

Cal Exotic is one of the big four sex toy manufacturers, in addition to Doc Johnson, Topco, and Pipedream. In my opinion, they are one of the better ones, although that’s not a huge compliment. They have a luxury-focused division called Jopen.

Latest
  • Latest
  • Oldest
  • Random
  • A to Z
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Crystal Candy G-Licious

September 15, 2008
The Crystal Candy G-Licious came in a transparent plastic box that looked like it belonged in the little girls’ aisle...
Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Tera Patrick’s Super Charged Magnum

July 31, 2008
I know packaging doesn’t matter, but sometimes I just can’t ignore the hilarity of it. Check out this piece of...
Keep Reading
Anal ToysSex Toy Reviews

Review: Silicone Slims Self Satisfier

July 27, 2008
First things first: this thing is unabashedly pink. No, not hot pink or magenta — I’m talking cutesy, baby shower...
Keep Reading
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Xtreme Pack G-spot Bullet

April 5, 2008
This is one case in which I will permit the use of the word “Xtreme.” Why? Because it actually describes...
Keep Reading
California Exotics Turbo Glider
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Turbo Glider

March 28, 2008
I stumbled upon the Turbo Glider whilst on the hunt for an inexpensive vibe that wouldn’t fall apart or die...
Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Sydnee’s Elegant Endeavor

November 2, 2007
I never thought of masturbation as “elegant,” nor have I ever described it as an “endeavor.” Perhaps if my experience with...
Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Royal Wizard

October 9, 2007
The Royal Wizard from California Exotic Novelties has an intriguing shape and an interesting texture; it has a slightly curved head...
Keep Reading
1 2 3

Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

Bouquet of hand drawn sex toys.

Friends who have sex with each other

Lowe Aurora, a sex toy that provides "low-level laser treatments" to the vulva

This sex toy will “rejuvenate” your pitiful vulva for just $850

Vintage vibrators: the Polar Cub Electric Vibrator (top), Oster Massagett, and Vanguard Vibro-Massager.

Review: Vintage vibrators

Bubble Love pleasure jet and Dilly dildo attachment on an old boat dock.

Review: Bubble Love

My pink sex toys all together. YOU REPULSE ME.

The color most likely to send me on a murderous rampage

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