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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

    Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

    Review: Dame Kip and Pom

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Porn gems: playful domination & fireside fucking

    A hand caressing the tattooed leg of a person wearing a strap-on: the New York Collective Shilo dildo.

    Queer sex party chronicles: every night a blank slate

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
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    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
  • Random

California Exotic Novelties

Cal Exotic is one of the big four sex toy manufacturers, in addition to Doc Johnson, Topco, and Pipedream. In my opinion, they are one of the better ones, although that’s not a huge compliment. They have a luxury-focused division called Jopen.

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Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Illusion Wand Rapture

October 3, 2008
Time for a fact check. Illusion? No, I don’t think I was imagining that thing buzzing manically in my vagina....
Keep Reading
California Exotics Turbo Glider
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Turbo Glider

March 28, 2008
I stumbled upon the Turbo Glider whilst on the hunt for an inexpensive vibe that wouldn’t fall apart or die...
Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Goddess Platinum Massager

February 8, 2009
I am ever on the lookout for any toy that resembles the love of my life, the Xtreme Pack G-spot...
Keep Reading
BanterBlogger LyfeToybox Reports

Legend for my header

April 12, 2011
Yes, my friends! The time has come! No longer will you have to slave away on the internets trying to...
Keep Reading
Pop ShotsSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Pop Shot: Astrea I vibrating brief

June 26, 2009
The Astrea I vibrating panties are “one size fits most,” which of course means “one size fits size small.” It cuts...
Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Elle clitoral dancer

December 23, 2008
As many of you know, I am practically married to my Xtreme Pack G-spot Bullet. Although it is a quite...
Keep Reading
Me grasping the Jopen VR1 kegel balls, with rainbow-painted nails.
Kegel ExercisersSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: Jopen Vanity VR1

November 18, 2013
The Jopen Vanity VR1 kegel balls have offended my vagina. Deeply. They are supposed to vibrate when squeezed. Oh, in my hand...
Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Silicone Bliss

December 3, 2008
Silicone, eh? Is that so? Really? I don’t believe you. You are California Exotic; you do not do this. You...
Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Xtreme Kit

March 22, 2009
I’ve been curious for a while now about the Xtreme Kit. I am unabashed in my creepy allegiance to the...
Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Tera Patrick’s Super Charged Magnum

July 31, 2008
I know packaging doesn’t matter, but sometimes I just can’t ignore the hilarity of it. Check out this piece of...
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Giveaways

Contest: Win the toy I rave about

March 29, 2009
TabuToys has taken notice of my ridiculous and unhealthy obsession with my Xtreme Pack G-spot Bullet, and they presented me...
Keep Reading
Jopen Key Comet G Wand dildo balanced on top of a heart-shaped bowl, courtesy of Alex.
DildosGuest Reviews

Guest Review: Comet G Wand

April 15, 2013
Usually it takes a bit of time for my screaming endorsements to seep into the consciousness of my readers. Especially...
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HELLO MY SWEET. The Comet G Wand lying on a colorful striped platter.
DildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Comet G Wand

February 20, 2013
It’s only February, and the Jopen Key Comet G Wand has a very good chance of being the best sex toy I...
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Penis ToysPop ShotsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Pop Shot: Minerva

May 27, 2009
The grapevine says that the Minerva cock ring by California Exotic is a pretty good cock ring. The grapevine is...
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BanterToybox ReportsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

All good things must be replaced

July 14, 2009
I knew my Xtreme Pack G-spot bullet would die; it was just a matter of time. It had already outlived...
Keep Reading
LELO Ina/Mona Wave, Siri 2, Pino, and Transformer
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: worm-like vibrators and cheeseburger ball gags

January 6, 2015
Since we last spoke, LELO has gone a bit insane with the new releases. They’ve now put out the Ina/Mona...
Keep Reading
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Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Epiphora's orgasmic getaway giveaway! ($1,500 grand prize, 80+ prizes)

Orgasmic getaway giveaway! ($1,500 grand prize, 80+ prizes)

Porn gems: playful domination & fireside fucking

Movie Night: The Final Member

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