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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

    Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
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  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
  • Random

Mama Piph

Posts mentioning my mom, who happens to be one of my biggest cheerleaders. See also: Mama Piph moments on Twitter.

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Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective
April Fool's!BanterBlogger LyfeGiveawaysGreatest HitsShenanigans

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

April 1, 2024
Taylor Swift had two albums to her name. Instagram didn’t exist. We had yet to name our roman empires, show...
Keep Reading
Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.
"The Industry"Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementBanterDisingenuous AssholesDon't Trust the HeadlinesFeaturesSex Toy NewsSex Toy Reviews

Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

December 20, 2022
Lora DiCarlo, the “sex tech” start-up that vowed to revolutionize the pleasure industry and pompously acted like the first to...
Keep Reading
A sex blogger's desk: dildos, coffee, laptop, etc.
BanterBlogger LyfeBreak Out the TissuesFeaturesGreatest HitsInterviewsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

The Coming Out Interviews, pt. 2: Mom, I’m a sex blogger

January 22, 2019
The memory’s a bit of a blur now, but almost 7 years ago, I was standing in the bathroom at...
Keep Reading
Piph Lube, with the glitter settled at the bottom, in front of my sex toy closet.
April Fool's!

The formulating of Piph Lube

April 15, 2018
The idea, like all the best ideas, came to me while I was stoned. Lying in bed, half-asleep, it just...
Keep Reading
A decade of sex blogging. Cupcake butt plug and Shilo.
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterBlogger LyfeBreak Out the TissuesGreatest HitsShenanigansSunshine & RainbowsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

A decade of sex blogging

October 12, 2017
The cliché is true — it feels like just yesterday and like forever ago. This week marks 10 years since...
Keep Reading
Rainbow notebook, bracelets, and keychain.
BanterBreak Out the TissuesFeaturesGreatest HitsInterviews

The Coming Out Interviews, pt. 1: Mom, I’m queer

May 9, 2017
I’ve had to come out to my parents more than once. When I was 14, I wrote them a letter...
Keep Reading
BanterGreatest HitsToybox ReportsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

Step inside my sex toy closet

February 12, 2017
This is the stuff dreams are made of — my dreams at least. This, friends, is my majestic sex toy...
Keep Reading
Typewriter, cup of pens, and some sex books. The sparkly "Epiphora" drink cozy on the cup was a gift from Bianca (TheVenusEmporium on Etsy). The other side has a vulva on it!
BanterBlogger LyfeBreak Out the TissuesGreatest HitsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

A sex blogger by any other name

September 3, 2016
I never know my name anymore. A few months ago, I was at sex educator friend’s party getting high out...
Keep Reading
Tiny dildos in a bowl.
April Fool's!

Yep, I actually put tiny dildos in my vagina

April 23, 2016
Time to come clean: my review of the tiny dildos was an April Fool’s joke. I think most of you...
Keep Reading
Me holding a copy of Best Sex Writing of the Year, Vol. 1
Announcements

I’m published in Best Sex Writing of the Year, Volume 1!

June 17, 2015
It’s still surreal to say. I’m published. My name. Epiphora. On the pages of a book. Followed by my words —...
Keep Reading
Bouquet of hand drawn sex toys.
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterBreak Out the TissuesGreatest HitsShenanigansSunshine & Rainbows

Friends who have sex with each other

July 12, 2014
Kynan greets me at the airport with a bouquet of hand-drawn sex toys. Eleven toys, all of them my favorites,...
Keep Reading
BanterBreak Out the TissuesGreatest HitsMaking Progress

The pinnacle of relief

May 7, 2012
I got my chance to tell my parents about my work sooner than I expected. They invited me over for...
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BanterBreak Out the TissuesMaking Progress

To tell the truth

April 20, 2012
If you had asked me years ago if I was ever going to tell my parents about my blog, I...
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Illustration by Bleached Whale
BanterBlogger LyfeMaking ProgressTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

Why I won’t be coming out any time soon

May 7, 2010
My mom is having a sex toy party. I knew the moment I read the email that I wanted to...
Keep Reading

Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

Je Joue SaSi oral sex toy.

Review: SaSi

My pink sex toys all together. YOU REPULSE ME.

The color most likely to send me on a murderous rampage

Table of dildos! And camera! And notebook! And laptops! And coffee!

15 rules for writing a sex toy review that doesn’t royally suck

Sex toy temporary tattoos and the lengths we go through to photograph them. Photo by Kate Sinclaire.

Together, we form one fully functional human

Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

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