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Review: Womanizer

This unique suction toy feels like a horde of fish nibbling tenderly at my clit. I like it, even if it’s gaudy as all get-out.

Womanizer air flow / pressure wave suction vibrator, with its ridiculous fake jewel, on a very white bed.
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Why isn’t this sex toy wearing a wife beater?
Why isn’t it blasting Eminem?
Why isn’t it friends with OJ?
Why doesn’t it endorse Robin Thicke?
Why doesn’t the spout emit AXE body spray?

I feel these are legitimate questions to ask of a sex toy named the Womanizer. I know it was designed by Germans, but guys, it’s 2015, you need to nary lift an ass cheek off your chair to find the answer to any imaginable question. For instance, I recently Googled “do cats go through menopause” and “can guitar face be controlled.” You are capable of Googling “womanizer.” You’re not naming your external hard drive; you’re naming a product, which presumably you plan to market in the US. This word has connotations.

The company’s intended meaning, I’m sure, was that this toy pleases women… and by women they (problematically) mean clitorises. The Womanizer W100 sucks — quite literally. It has five levels of vibration too, but the reason you’d fork over $189 for this contraption would be for the sucking sensation it promises.

Shaped like an ear thermometer or zit zapper, the Womanizer looks less like a pleasure device and more like it’s supposed to diagnose my clit or remove errant materials from my orifices. Gaudy as all get-out, I assume the company’s only source of information about their target market was an alien whose two earth-souvenirs were a VHS tape of Poison music videos and a copy of Pretty Pretty Princess. I “chose” the blue snakeskin design, apparently unable to let go of that dark time in my life when I thought snakeskin-printed pants made me look ~cool~.

But maybe the design would appeal to a certain type of person. I had the perfect subject to ask: my childhood friend, whose office is hot pink with leopard print curtains — on purpose.

“This looks like shit,” she said immediately when I handed the Womanizer to her. “I don’t trust it. It’s tacky as fuck… and I literally own a bedazzler.” I told her the price. “I wouldn’t pay 18 dollars for that,” she retorted. “If I went to a bachelorette party and they were giving out favors, I’d expect that to be in there as a fucking joke.”

The construction does feel cheap.

To its credit, the Womanizer has a 2-year warranty. Its packaging adorably promises “100% lust & good feeling.” It comes with an extra silicone nozzle (which is easily removed for cleaning) and a hard shell zip-up case — dusty baby pink with the word womanizer in a swoopy font, so if someone finds it they’ll think it’s the place you store your Britney memorabilia and/or weapons to hunt men who’ve wronged you. Its manual contains the same bullshit ableist verbiage I’ve encountered before. It charges via USB but is not waterproof.

Womanizer air flow / pressure wave suction vibrator, with its ridiculous fake jewel, on a very white bed surrounded by condoms, cash, and empty wine bottles.

This is how it begins: I turn the Womanizer on and it gurgles at me. Imagine the sound of a tiny whoopee cushion or an aquarium pump without enough water. I apply it to my genitals, because that’s what I have to do: spread my labia and hunt for my clitoris. The nozzle glows red — to help me, I guess. When the toy makes contact, its gurgle dissipates to a low hum, akin to a car idling outside.

I want to make this clear ASAP: the sucking sensation is mild. It doesn’t feel like it’s pulling at my clit, nor does it attach to my body like a clit pump would. Have you ever had a horde of fish nibbling tenderly at your clitoris? Me either, but I imagine it feels a bit like the Womanizer. The sensation is indirect, subtle, and formless — sort of a delicate undulation plus vibration. It feels closer to oral sex than any toy has felt before, but at best it’s like a person going “p-p-p” really lightly against my clit, and my clit only. 1

At first, my clit registered the sensation as only a moderate deviation from sensations it has felt before. It did not bowl me over. After a couple uses, I confidently began the draft of this review: this toy is not powerful, strong, or any other synonymous adjective, and anyone who tells you otherwise is a fucking liar.

Then I kept using it. And I got confused. The vibration, itself, is not strong — that is true. Compared to most vibrators, it’s nothing. But the more I tested the Womanizer, the more I noticed the nuances of the stimulation. “Powerful” still doesn’t feel like an apt descriptor — but the sensation is certainly unique.

One day, the Womanizer lost its charge on me. It blinked red and became more and more feeble until finally shutting off completely…

…and I was sad. I wanted it to be alive. I wanted to keep using it.

That’s when I started having a bit of an existential crisis as a sex toy reviewer. What would it mean, in the grand scheme of things, if I liked a toy this ugly and this strange and this expensive? Could I, in good conscience, tell anyone to buy such a device? Would I be laughed out of town for delivering anything but a blistering burn of a review for a toy called the goddamn Womanizer?

I’ve come to terms with it, though. I’ve accepted reality: I like the Womanizer. I like it because the sensation is unusual. Positioned just right, in full contact with my clit, with distractions eliminated, it’s good. Quite good. Enough to get me to orgasm easily, and yes — quickly. But that’s only half the story.

I started having a bit of an existential crisis as a sex toy reviewer. What would it mean if I liked a toy this ugly, strange, and expensive? Would I be laughed out of town for delivering anything but a blistering burn of a review for a toy called the goddamn Womanizer?

The Womanizer is billed as this effortless orgasm machine of a toy, yet it requires a lot of focus. Precision. Patience. It wants to be stationary and perfectly-positioned atop my clit. It wants not to be interrupted while it does important work, like an egomaniacal surgeon or a dad building a ship in a bottle in his study while sipping scotch.

I guess I’m pretty lackadaisical when I masturbate. Pretty imprecise. I hold a vibe against my clit, and it goes through small, slight adjustments often, while I jiggle a dildo in my vag — sometimes thrusting, sometimes not. It’s a highly effective dance I’ve perfected.

The Womanizer upsets all that. In a life like mine, where dildos line up for a mere moment in my vagina, it makes everything hard. Anytime the Womanizer loses contact with my clit — say, the base of the dildo hits it, or my hand falters at all — stimulation abruptly ceases. In fact, it sputters and starts blowing cold air at me like I just entered a walk-in freezer.

Womanizer air flow / pressure wave suction vibrator, with its ridiculous fake jewel, on a very white bed surrounded by empty wine bottles.

Plus, it fucks with my orgasms. It fucks with the peak — the part where I’d normally try to diffuse the stimulation a little by adjusting the vibe, but can’t with the Womanizer. I can’t position it to the side of my clit, or move it off, or decrease pressure… so in a moment that’s supposed to be the best part of the masturbatory experience, the Womanizer can become abrasive and overwhelming.

My orgasms with the Womanizer are incredibly localized. It stimulates only my external clit. Traditional vibrators are able to reverberate beneath the surface, rumbling my internal clitoris and working in cahoots with the dildo in my vagina to stimulate my CUV complex, including my G-spot. The Womanizer is like a free agent, acting alone, taking no input from the other toys involved.

So I’d estimate at least half my orgasms with the Womanizer have been dissatisfying for one reason or another. Sometimes, because I dared experience the stimulation from the dildo, which overshadowed the subtlety of the Womanizer. Sometimes, because I concentrated on the Womanizer and was hit by a sharp clitoral sensation I couldn’t tone down.

I’m not going to give you a number of minutes it took me to come with the Womanizer, because 1) every goddamn review mentions that, 2) it actually varied a lot, and 3) immediate orgasm is not the ultimate sex toy goal. The Womanizer and I have a fundamental disagreement about this. It wants to skip the arousal process and literally induce an orgasm. I would like to enjoy myself a little.

And that’s the last sad piece. The cerebral one. Using a vibrator, I feel like an active participant in my own pleasure. I can move it around, adjust pressure, feel it rumbling through my vulva. With the Womanizer, everything is so pinpoint, so immutable — it feels like the stimulation is happening to me. A mindfuck I can’t personally get into.

The Womanizer is about as far from a universal toy as you can get, though a few things are obvious. Do you have a large clit? Prefer stimulation from something bigger than a pea? Want to double task and thrust with a dildo with wild abandon? Like movement on your vulva? Dislike direct clitoral stimulation? I can quite easily assure you the Womanizer is not for you.

But who is it for?

Most reviews of this toy say stuff like, “I didn’t want to like the Womanizer, but I LOVE it.” I don’t love it. Love is too strong a word, one I’m not keen to throw around. I save that word for toys that I would replace with my own money if something happened to them. Toys that I consider necessary to my survival as a sexual being. Toys I can feel confident recommending.

But I do not feel confident with the Womanizer. It has broken my recommendation barometer. Is this a toy for people who need direct or indirect stimulation? For sensitive people who prefer subtlety, or folks with seasoned clits wanting something different? It might be good for people who have a hard time getting aroused… but what if it’s too much, or not enough, to secure orgasm for those people?

There’s a dichotomy going on here that I don’t know how to parse. There are uncomfortable facts, like the retail price of $189. Like the lack of waterproof functionality. Like the fact that this toy looks like I’m checking my clit for a fever or sucking snot out of it… in 1987.

Yet despite the caveats, of which there are many; despite the existential crises and persistent confusion; despite the fact that my life is simpler without the Womanizer; a single, unavoidable truth remains: I, myself, like this sex toy. The Womanizer is a sex toy that I like.

Get the Womanizer of your choice at
SheVibeSpectrum Boutique, Good Vibes, Babeland, Peepshow Toys,
Lovehoney (international), or directly through Womanizer.

  1. I mean, for even passable oral sex, I expect someone to do a face plant into my vulva…

Similarly-salacious material


  1. Aaahhh I’ve been waiting for this review! The ~subtle alcohol and condoms picture cracked me up.

    I feel like you describe my thoughts on this pretty well. I haven’t had the opportunity to try it and because of how varied sensation is for me all the time ever, I don’t think I could ever fork over the money for it. There’s no certainty in anything. Sad but there you are.

  2. Um, these photos are PERFECT. I think, from your review, that my clit would actually hate the Womanizer, so thank you for saving me like $250 (because thank you, Canadian customs and exchange rate) and all of my pride.

    But more importantly: DO cats go through menopause??? You can’t just drop a bomb like that and then leave us all hanging!!

  3. I have been waiting with great anticipation for your review ever since I heard about this thing, and you did not disappoint.

    What a weird, weird toy.

  4. Thanks for the super comprehensive, thoughtful review. The timing of me reading this is interesting – I just got off work, where, only an hour ago, I tested out a tester of something that had just been sitting in a workspace and I hadn’t heard anything about it before. But it looks suspiciously like the Womanizer, with several notable differences. The whole thing is black, for one. Unfortunately I forget the name already. But it works similarly -light suction and I forget if there was vibration, I was too busy focusing on the suction on my hand. There are only two settings.. And the writing on the box looks like it’s translated from another language. Have you heard anything about such a toy? I’m going to write down the name tomorrow after getting to work cool but was just curious about if you heard anything about something like it because from my impression to womanizer was supposed to be some totally new, unique thing.

    Unrelated, I also tested out the large Swan wand Holy shit it’s rumbly, and the size of the big end is intimidating (to me anyway). I’m definitely curious to see what you think of it if you are able to review it.

  5. Well, the Womanizer does come in other colours but maybe this is some sort of similar product/knockoff. The Womanizer has only the giant settings-button gem stone and a power button, though, so if that thing does have more, it’s probably a different thing. I’d be surprised actually if Womanizer hasn’t patented every part of it they could. I’m curious to find out about this other one now!

  6. Yep! I have been in contact with the company for a while and they told me they wouldn’t be able to send me that Pro one until the second quarter of next year. I feel moderately hopeful about the changes!

  7. Hmmm the proportions of this one seem somehow really unwieldy but It could just be because of how squat it is. That’s cool that you’ve been keeping up with the company too!

    Do we know if the suction is any stronger as well? I feel like all that vibration won’t be a huge improvement if it’s not able to better “entrap” the clit, and the weak suction is my major qualm about it.

  8. Yeah, I really like the Womanizer too. I didn’t expect to. But that “orgasm in 60 seconds” claim they make is pushing it- it takes me at least 5 minutes. But then, I would rather not just have an orgasm in a few seconds and be done, I want to enjoy it a little. I bought mine at Lovehoney because of their guarantee, I would suggest anyone who wants to try this should buy it there for the return policy. One thing I thought was hilarious- they always describe this as looking like an ear thermometer! In shape, sure, but since when do ear thermometers come in animal prints? And have giant plastic jewel buttons? I’m pretty sure no one would mistake this thing for an actual “ear thermometer”. Seems like the designers trashed the “sneaky sex toy disguised as ordinary household object” strategy when they plastered it with leopard and rhinestones… but maybe that’s what ear thermometers look like in Germany?

  9. I was traveling yesterday so when I woke up and saw that this had been posted I ran over to your site like you were giving away free lattes for life. I love this review. It’s so comprehensive and in the exact way I needed it to be- like the Womanizer on physical and mental levels. Also I almost flew home to hug you when I saw you reference the CUV region.

    I am actually trying it and because I’m traveling I had it sent to my childhood home in NJ. I find that hilarious. I’m super-curious as to how this will go for me.

  10. I’m glad to see they are actually honoring their 30-day guarantee through several shops. That should be a big help to other people who might want to try this but don’t want to spend the money on something that might not work for them. When I bought mine awhile back, it was only on Lovehoney. The Womanizer site vaguely mentioned an “orgasm guarantee” but no other information about what that meant, so I bought it at LH so I could use their return policy. Thank you for including the guarantee information.

  11. Just as a side note, apparently “womanizer” has a much more positive connotation in Germany. It’s like the guy everyone likes and wants to be. Kind like “the fonz” or something here. this makes the name a bit better for me knowing that.

  12. This seems to do the opposite for me – it arouses me plenty, but doesn’t make me come. At all. It’s just one giant tease and actually makes coming even more difficult (both times I tried it, I had to switch to my trusty Touch, but it took way longer than usual, and I had to fight for it). Currently trying to get a refund through the guarantee, because that’s a whole lot of money for something that doesn’t get me off. Hit a hiccup so far, and it’s gotten to be a giant pain in my ass. Followed the instructions on SheVibe’s page and got an email back saying since I bought it through one of their partners, and not them, they can’t refund my money. Le fucking what? Changed their tune pretty quick after my response, but that was WEIRD. Also left a bad taste in my mouth.

  13. Yes. This review. I feel like the Womanizer gives orgasms in a really unsexy, non-participatory way. Like, you’re supposed to just lie there and not move. It’s so…clinical. And not in a sexy medical fetish way.

    Also I am another person who definitely does not get off within 60 seconds with this thing.

  14. I came ridiculously close to buying the Pro because I could not stomach the sleaziness of the original. I gotta hand it to a company with such a shit name and such tackiness yet the whole uniqueness and heck the irony of the ablist label for a toy that straight up has potential to be one of if not the most disability friendly (for my particular disabilities at least) toys I’ve ever seen… So I almost went for it. Almost. Still want it. But holy crap while I’ve seen the ablist bullshit messages (they’re on all sorts of products, not just sex toys) they are the worst. By far the worst. The reference of using it with supervision just really effing gets me. Gonna call my home care nurse to come watch me masturbate I guess? (Actually ha this now sounds like a porn scenario lol).

    But I still want one. So much. So damn much it’s stupid. But hey if I can get off laying still and not totally kill my wrist and hand in the process (and fight my natural urge to death grip and press things as hard as I can against my clit and my other natural instinct to rock my hips and grind against toys) this could be kind of amazing. Precisely because I am disabled. I’m never sure if I’m using the word “ironic” properly but I’m relatively certain all of this is indeed ironic.

  15. Your photos are solid gold. I just keep scrolling back up and snickering. Love it.

    Also, this is probably my all time favorite Piph review. Ever. And I literally come here and read years old reviews when I’m bored or not feeling well so that’s saying a lot.

    Are you going to be reviewing the Doxy Skittle? I so want to hear you tackle that one because I have an almost simialr ambivalence to it to how you feel about the Womanizer. And I think I’m still hoping to find some magic use for the Skittle that it actually does so well I’m not wishing this or that was different about it. It is the most frustrating toy because it has so much potential to be incredible and unique but just doesn’t quite hit the mark on anything for me. Like if it were less good I’d somehow possibly like it more if that makes any sense at all. It’s just so close to being incredible it irks me that it’s just not. And I’m so confused. So I need to hear your take of it.

  16. I loved reading this (as per usual). Most of my colleagues have been surprised with how much they loved it. I actually acquired one as well, and tested it on my own (cisgender male) body. I actually had a really good time with it, but definitely couldn’t endorse it for other cis men at that price point.

  17. Hi Mist,
    We apologize for any confusion – there seemed to be a disconnect between the powers that be at Womanizer regarding the guarantee. We spoke with them this morning and have agreed to handle the returns ourselves so that our customers are properly taken care of. If you have not already been able to get this resolved with Womanizer, let us know and we’ll take care of it.

  18. Well that’s very sweet of you to say! It means a lot especially because I worked really hard on this one.

    Oh yes, I will be reviewing the Skittle and the Doxy Die Cast!

  19. OMG. I got multiple belly laughs from this review. This is the best review I have ever read.
    I was entertained. And, I also appreciated how you allowed yourself to be open to what this toy had to offer even if you had reservations. Well done!
    I only found one thing missing. The toy lived up to its name a bit, don’t you think? Forcing you to have orgasms on ITS terms. 😉

  20. I really appreciate that! I spoke with SheVibe customer service this morning about it actually, and the experience was a world of difference. The people behind Womanizer did agree to let me return it to them for a refund, but we’ll see how things turn out. Pretty much just want it over with at this point. Did notice the changes made to Womanizer’s product page though; you guys work quick! Respect.

  21. Yeah, I was pretty shocked how different it was for me compared to all those who seem to enjoy it. This review is great though. A lot more realistic than the majority of feedback I’ve read on it so far, and gives me a little more to relate to in that regard. So, thanks for that!

  22. Sounds too surface-level for me. I think when it comes to silly-looking expensive sex toys I’ll stick to the eroscillator.

  23. This is the summary of a lot of reviews I’ve seen. “It does the job, efficiently.” Efficiency is generally kind of boring in sex toys.

  24. Whoa def not! That looks like some sort of power tool. Or a giant earbud. I’m curious as to its history as well!

  25. ALSO holy that is expensive for what I know of the brand. Interesting that digging around seems to mostly show it in Dutch shops. Wonder if that’s a response to the Womanizer coming from Germany…

    EDIT: I see now that Shots Media is out of the Netherlands so that makes more sense.

  26. I feel like it looks similar enough but less tacky, at least the black one we have as a tester (and I saw that yes, we’re stocking it, but no clue what the price will be). It still feels kinda cheap. The switch, anyway. Can’t compare to the Womanizer in that though since I haven’t seen one in person.

    I had a feeling it might be from the Netherlands because the most prominent language besides English on the box was Dutch and said “NL” next to it. Didn’t get a chance to do research yet. Honestly not super interested in this type of toy for myself but I guess I do need to learn about the one we have in the store so I can answer customer questions 🙂

  27. This is the best review ever. I loved this: “Like the fact that this toy looks like I’m checking my clit for a fever or sucking snot out of it… in 1987.” Sick burn.

  28. Oops ! Meant to say that I thrust with the Goodfella from behind with my LEFT hand ! Not my right . The right one is busy holding the Womanizer ! I’d have to have 2 right hands or posses telekinetic powers for that one ! LMAO

  29. I reached out to Fiera again and this is the reply I just got:

    Thanks for getting in touch with your interest in reviewing Fiera on your blog. Unfortunately I don’t think it’s the right fit, as we are working really hard to differentiate Fiera from conventional sex toys. There’s a lot of confusion in the marketplace about how Fiera is different, so we’re working hard to make our messaging more exact and to not be lumped with sex toys in press/media. Our product is for a different purpose (and largely different audience) than sex toys. Hope you understand!

  30. Sheesh, another Silicon Valley startup company that thinks they can spin themselves into big money! Looks like they want to market themselves as a *medical device*–which somehow justifies a high price–instead of *just* a sex toy that gets you horny. I bet the Fiera dies a slow death like the Revel Body!

  31. Wow just saw this. My eyes rolled so hard at them. Yes, Piph, you only know shitty bullet vibes. No way you could benefit or notice the nuances of this device!

    Not like you’re an expert or anything…

  32. I just wanted to further expound on why this reply to you really bothered me. It seems to imply that the people who use sex toys are not the ones they want to appeal to. Question is: who is that audience? Women who already know what they like? Partnered sex havers? Like someone who uses sex toys may not need help with arousal, or that they are somehow beneath their probably upscale market? How is the purpose (arousal/sexual pleasure) any different from a sex toy? Is the purpose literally “make her clit hard so she wants your hot dick!”? Or is this supposed to replace any other toy you have and become the only thing you can/should utilise for pleasure?

    At any rate, I think they’re making a big marketing mistake in writing you off because you appeal to the everyday person looking for the right device. You have a huge audience as you (obviously) know, and many people trust you as an authority on what will probably be an expensive device to put on your body.

  33. Oh wow, glad my comment directed you to something you’ll hopefully like! Yeah, it’s much less expensive than the Womanizer. Best wishes!

  34. All the this. That reply they sent is distressing to me. I think they’re making a mistake with the marking even if it is a good product. I’m betting they’re more toward thinking of it as only to be used to arouse someone before partnered sex. Dandemort, I think this sounds possible “make her clit hard so she wants your hot dick!”

    Also, the person seems to be mistaken about this site, or just used poor phrasing. This site doesn’t just talk about conventional sex toys. A lot of innovative things, even ones that don’t claim to be sex toys or claim to be different get reviewed here.

    What a shame.

  35. Follow up – we just got these in and I tested one on my hand. Then later I reread your review (and cracked up at your analogies again) and the things you said make even more sense. I also made a link between several reviews and some leather gear that led to an idea for a market for this toy – people into “forced orgasm” type play (a small market relative to the general population, but still). Especially if they have a setup to hold the toy exactly in place. It seems quite brilliant for that, from what I’ve read from multiple reviews that the orgasms aren’t always satisfying for everyone, so I can totally see some people incorporating it into their orgasmic “torture” play, if that makes sense.

  36. if it were less good I’d somehow possibly like it more if that makes any sense at all. It’s just so close to being incredible it irks me that it’s just not. And I’m so confused. So I need to hear your take of it

  37. I swear, you take the best sex toy photos on the internet. I’m still laughing at the empty bottles.

    Also, I was foolish enough to buy one of these even after reading this, and…I think this toy is at least partially responsible for me actually squirting for the first time in my life. Not on its own, obviously, but when it ran out of battery and left me overstimulated and annoyed, I grabbed my pure wand simply because it was the closest toy I could find. After I felt a wet spot under my back much larger than usual, I actually looked down at my vulva and said “excuse me?”

    SO YEAH. If you’ve never squirted before, maybe spending forty-five frustrated minutes with this weird-ass thing confusing the fuck out of your clit will help? For real though, don’t bother. That is not worth almost two hundred dollars.

  38. How come you don’t call out Hitachi Magic Wand for their ableist language? You have known about it for about two years, because I told you about it.

    “Close supervision is necessary when the massager is used by, on, or near children, invalids, or disabled persons” Magic Wand HV-260 manual.

    Image attached….again

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