Apr 172018
Giveaway: rock your G-spot!

Hey, friend, how’s your G-spot doing lately? Still real, despite what the media says? Perhaps feeling a bit drab, a little understimulated? Or is it in a good mood, but always hungry for more? Looking for a sex toy that does pretty much all the work of hitting it? I GOTCHU.

Just a few months ago, I crowned Fun Factory’s Stronic G pulsator the best sex toy of 2017. Its automated back-and-forth thrusting motion and perfectly-hooked tip are a G-spotting dream, causing me to squirt with very little effort. Now it’s 2018, a new year, and the perfect time for you to form a closer bond with your G-spot. [. . . read the rest]

Apr 152018
The formulating of Piph Lube

Piph Lube, with the glitter settled at the bottom, in front of my sex toy closet.

The idea, like all the best ideas, came to me while I was stoned. Lying in bed, half-asleep, it just popped into my head: my April Fool’s joke this year would be a fake lube containing ridiculous and very #me ingredients such as pinot grigio, Portland rain water, and of course, weed.

If I wanted my fake lube to seem as believable as possible, I needed some help from my favorite sex toy retailer. SheVibe, the absolute darlings, readily agreed — to design the label, to source the bottles, and to create an actual product page on their site. [. . . read the rest]

Apr 122018
Sex toy news: bionic dildos and a bundle of alien fingers

Yay, the Canadian cuties at Fuze have four new suction cup dildos: Flame, Major (uncut and girthy!), Freddie, and Star. They can attach to each other, too, to make a custom double-ended dildo.

Jimmyjane’s new Tre looks like a bundle of alien fingers. Isn’t that what you want to put on your clit? (Hot tip: if you want to be even poorer, buy the version that comes with a UV sanitizing case!)

Dicks that become erect at the push of a button? THE FUTURE IS NOW.

Flickering tips, y’all! The Volta is Fun Factory’s latest, and I must tell you from first-hand clitoral experience: I quite like it! [. . . read the rest]

Mar 312018
Piph Lube: get it now!

[Surprise! This wine-infused sparkly stoner lube was an April Fool’s joke.]

Feels like I’ve been waiting forever to tell you this and I’m nearly bursting at the seams. So I’m just gonna blurt it out: GUYS, I HAVE MY OWN LUBE NOW.

It was my BFFs over at SheVibe who helped me turn this dream into reality. They’ve never helped develop a lube before, but they were down for the challenge. Now, after many months of planning, designing, and testing, it is here. Introducing Piph Lube: a radically stimulating water-based lubricant formulated with pure Portland rain water.

This is the height of celebrity. [. . . read the rest]

Mar 202018
Review: Gala

My clit is a pretty sensitive creature. You’re going to need to know this going in. Take notes for the final test. When I haven’t had an orgasm yet, I can usually come during one of the lower settings of a vibrator — generally speaking, with good vibrators. I’ve been known to “just get the first orgasm out of the way” during my masturbation sessions; I’ve accepted that I come quickly at the beginning, so I figure, why fight it?

The We-Vibe Gala doesn’t even get me there. Even when it’s my first toy of the night. When I haven’t come yet. [. . . read the rest]

Mar 092018
How not to design a sex game

Why are sex games so bad?

This is an eternal question I ask myself regularly. I have a whole label in my Gmail for sex games, and it’s filled to the hilt with shitty, offensive products I’d never want to play in a million years, often including pleas for me to review them. (People love to say stuff like, “it’s not a sex toy, but it’s KIND OF A SEX TOY!”) Ha. Ha. Hahahaha.

Usually I just send the links to my girlfriend so we can ridicule the games in private, but I just got one that perfectly demonstrates everything that’s wrong with terrible sex games. [. . . read the rest]

Feb 282018
Review: Smooth Operators (Snazzy, Choosy, and Classy)

Blink and you might pass right over them. They’re not terribly attractive, not revolutionary in function, not aggressively marketed. These vibrators have no celebrity endorsement or PR campaign behind them, and I’d bet serious money they’ve never been mentioned in any mainstream magazine. You can judge a lot about a sex toy without holding it in your hands, but there’s one thing you can’t predict, and it’s the thing that matters most: vibration quality. This is where the Smooth Operators pleasantly surprised me.

The Toyfriend Smooth Operators — Snazzy, Choosy, and Classy — are made by a company named Tickler, and again, you could be forgiven for not knowing they even exist. [. . . read the rest]

Feb 132018
The clitoris: still the center of my universe
Or: why G-spot stimulation is not the pinnacle of pleasure.

Hi, my name’s Epiphora, and I almost always need clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm.

I thought this was common knowledge, clueless as that may sound. I mean, I write about my genitals on the internet every day of my life — obviously people must know this about me? But something happened the other day that made me realize that may not be true. That perhaps I haven’t been explicit enough about the types of stimulation I like and how, logistically, that plays out in my sex toy testing.

Recently, I struck up a friendship with a new sex blogger named Wendy. [. . . read the rest]

Jan 312018
Review: SenseVibe

The SenseVibe, much to my dismay, is not a fortune-telling sex toy. It can’t give you the weather forecast or lift your mood. It cannot intuit what your vag or clit wants. It is, despite the enigmatic name, merely a rechargeable dual vibrator from a newish company named SenseMax.

I know what you’re gonna say. “Piph, you don’t even like rabbit-style toys, why would you want to try this one?” AN ASTUTE OBSERVATION, my friend, because yes — I am normally highly averse to dual vibes. They are very anatomy-specific, significantly less likely than other types of sex toys to properly align with genitals. [. . . read the rest]

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