These glass dildos from Joyful Pleasure presented me with a few obstacles. See, I have this thing with insertable objects where I feel frustrated if I can’t conquer them. Whether it’s sheer size, extreme heft, repetitive bloops, every imaginable electrostim setting, or simply a bulge just out of reach, I feel the uncontrollable urge to experience all that a toy has to offer. Combine this with the fact that I’m a texture slut, and you have a recipe for vaginal disaster. When presented with the opportunity to review dildos from Joyful Pleasure, I of course ignored anything smooth and went straight for dildos with bumps, swirls, bloops, and, unbeknownst to me, challenging lengths. A large part of my reason for trying these dildos was price: they’re all under $45. If your . . . read more

I have a lot of glass dildos, but I find it disturbingly easy to eschew most of them. When I moved, I re-arranged my life so that my desk only contains the most pertinent of sex toys. One drawer is reserved for glass toys, and guess what’s inside? Three Crystal Delights dildos. Nothing else. Crystal Delights is best known for their bejeweled and tail-adorned butt plugs, but to me, they are makers of the greatest most high-quality glass dildos known to man. The Star Delight is a staple in my toybox (used often as a reprieve, or finisher, when other toys fail), and the Crystal Twist is a fabulously weird G-spotting dildo that ranks up there with the best of them. Therefore, I . . . read more

I promptly asked for the biggest size available, because of course I did. That was my mistake. The dildo comes, of course, in other sizes manageable to the average vagina, but mine is not the average vagina. I use my vaginal distinction as justification for choosing THE HUGEST OF THE HUGE at all times. Sometimes to my glory, sometimes to my detriment. The detriment is not, as you might assume, because it is too large to insert. Oh, that’s a breeze — 1.75″ in diameter of solid glass? No big deal. The detriment is that the G-Spoon is too damn heavy. My vagina feels weighed down, giving me the sneaking suspicion that the dildo is trying to dump my body at the bottom of . . . read more

Usually it takes a bit of time for my screaming endorsements to seep into the consciousness of my readers. Especially when the toys I love cost a pretty penny. But not this time. I flailed about the Jopen Comet G Wand less than two months ago, and I’m already getting reports back that peeps have bought and loved it. A reader named Alex sent me the sweetest, ego-stroking email thanking me for alerting her to toxic sex toy materials and iffy lube ingredients, the existence of good porn, and glass dildos. She bought the Crystal Delights Star Delight and Comet G Wand based on my reviews, and confessed, in perhaps the greatest compliment ever given to me, “my vagina thanks you from . . . read more

[The Comet G Wand has been replaced by the vibrating Comet II (review here). All links in this review now go to Comet II.] It’s only February, and the Jopen Key Comet G Wand has a very good chance of being the best sex toy I try all year. I am, I must say, flabbergasted. I mean, this is Jopen we’re talking about. Jopen, creators of the what-the-fuck that is the Intensity. Jopen, whose parent company is California Exotic. Jopen, who must think they are naming perfumes rather than vibrator lines (Key, Vanity). They’re not always the sharpest tool in the shed… but this is a motherfucking home run. The Comet G Wand is a beautiful conglomeration. It’s a glass dildo “dipped in body safe silicone,” conjuring delicious images of chocolate-covered cones . . . read more

Update: Sadly, Fucking Sculptures is no more. These people just cut to the chase. They called their company Fucking Sculptures. I like that gumption. I like it a lot. Fucking Sculptures is a brand new (seriously, their launch party was on December 23 and included glassblowing, burlesque, and pizza — why wasn’t I there?!) glass dildo company based in Berkeley, California. Their dildos are called G-Spoon, Corkscrew, Two-Cumber, Hooded Nun, and Pussywillow, and lo! They are not rip-offs of toys that have come before! Believe it, my friends! Like the Candy-Colored Glass Dildo, these are handcrafted and made of soda lime glass (not borosilicate). The colors are muted, which works well for the lovely shapes they’ve chosen. I’m pretty sure I need the G-Spoon in me. This instant. . . . read more

I like toys that do all the taking-good-photos work for me. The Crystal Twist is one of those toys. As if the Crystal Twist was not pretty enough to begin with, Shellie has gone and added incredible color highlights to it. This is the reinvented Crystal Twist Color in gold. It also comes in red, blue, green, and… Illuminati. The extreme twisting shape of this dildo is a feature of one side of the Crystal Delights Spartacus MMXII Glass Torch, and when I posted on Tumblr about it, someone replied, “Ummmm… what is the spiral side for? Is someone supposed to put that inside them?” Because yes, unusual-looking sex toys are usually either really bad or really good. In this case, it’s really good. Every time . . . read more

So this is an actual thing. I don’t know why it’s called The Original Peter Piper, because I’m pretty sure the original Peter Piper is the one from 1813 who picked a peck of pickled peppers, not a glass dildo for potheads. But then again, this is from Pipedream, the same people who brought us the failtastic Fetish Fantasy series, the quartet of terrible lubes, and heaps of racist/sexist shit, so I don’t know why I expect them to be historically accurate… or remotely respectable. This 10″ glass dong is smooth and sensuous and doubles as a pipe, perfect for enjoying your favorite smoke right before you enjoy each other! Try it with a friend; one takes a toke, the other gets . . . read more

Most sex toys, even the ones I end up loving, require multiple testing sessions before I get a handle on my feelings for them. But once in a while, a toy comes along that is perfect immediately — from the first dip into my vagina. That’s because the Crystal Delights Star Delight has everything: beauty, bumps (um, the good kind), and a G-spotting head to die for. I kind of knew that I’d love this dildo. The shape of the Star Delight is a classic design. My first ever glass dildo, the atrociously and carelessly named Gold Ribbed Love Wand from now-dying brand Phallix, had similar bumps. Like the smart human I am, I tried it in the bath first, then proceeded to complain . . . read more