Review: Bliss 8

A vibrator practically made for texture sluts like myself.

Ophoria Bliss 8 silicone vibrator on a staircase railing made of old pipes.
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The Ophoria Bliss 8 is not kidding around. It is not joking. It is not pulling your leg, nor is it joshing you. It is one serious mofo, and that is why I love it. It’s basically made for texture sluts like myself.

Here’s a simple test to determine whether or not the Bliss 8 will please you.

Q: Do you prefer your sex toys to be smooth, pleasant, and non-confrontational?

If you answered “yes,” then please, never get the Bliss 8. Get its boring-ass sibling, the Bliss 5, and enjoy its terrifyingly smooth surface instead.1

If you answered “no,” then the Bliss 8 is something to consider. Just ask yourself whether you like ridges. A lot of them. Serious ones, not wimpy ones.

Me, I love ridges, so I fuckin’ adore the Bliss 8. The ridges2 are spaced just enough, and they fluctuate in angle, so they don’t feel monotonous like some other ridges do. The shaft is 1 3/4″ in diameter including the ridges, which is the perfect girth for my vag — sometimes challenging, but perfectly filling.

My favorite thing is twisting the toy in circles and feeling the ridge(s) at the entrance of my vagina as they slide around. And I just love the general feeling of intense texture as I thrust it — truth be told, this is one of the only ways I can forgive a toy for not having a G-spot curve: if it has vagina-tingling texture of some sort.

Oh, and I guess it vibrates or something. But I use it as a dildo 90% of the time, so I can feel the delicious ridges in all their glory.

  1. I’m not judging you (too much), I just cannot imagine being forced to use that toy.
  2. I asked my boyfriend if I should call them “rings” rather than “ridges,” and he said, “no, ridges.” So there ya go.