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    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

    Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

    Review: Dame Kip and Pom

    Review: Zumio E

    New York Toy Collective Jack 2-in-1 FTM stroker & packer

    Guest Review: Jack stroker & packer

    Review: OhMyG

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Sex toys on top of wrapping paper.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    The current state of Early to Bed in Chicago, with packing materials amidst dildo displays.

    Dildos in a pandemic: the sex toy industry and COVID-19

    My column in the high school paper, with the headline "Breaking four years of silence." There is a rainbow gradient effect over the image.

    That time I came out to my entire high school

    My logo on top of a glorious sex toy array, on top of a turquoise vulva-esque backdrop.

    Welcome to the NEW Hey Epiphora!

    Supplies for Mirena IUD insertion laid out at the doctor's office, including forceps, lube, gloves, and the Mirena box.

    The (not so) harrowing tale of my IUD insertion

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
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  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ

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Uberrime Helios Sun God and Splendid silicone dildos standing on a table, casting a reflection.
DildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Uberrime dildos (Splendid + Helios Sun God)

November 18, 2018
When I was but a wee sex toy reviewer, every new sex toy material was a treat. Not yet jaded... Keep Reading
Fun Factory Stronic Drei pulsator outside, on icy cement.
DildosSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Stronic Zwei and Drei

June 4, 2014
No matter what I say in the rest of this review, the fact will always remain: the Fun Factory Stronics make... Keep Reading
Good Vibes Rippler dildo on concrete.
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Rippler

March 17, 2012
The Pleasure Works Rippler is like what the Tantus Echo wants to be when it grows up. It is a... Keep Reading
Tantus Goddess silicone vibrating dildo (with my coffee)
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Goddess

May 6, 2011
It was October of 2008, and I had just started a blog that I didn’t know what the fuck to... Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Lucky 11

March 3, 2011
The Evolved Lucky 11 is part of Evolved’s “Roulette” line. As such, it has a wheel embedded in its base... Keep Reading
Ophoria Bliss 8 silicone vibrator on a staircase railing made of old pipes.
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Bliss 8

February 10, 2011
The Ophoria Bliss 8 is not kidding around. It is not joking. It is not pulling your leg, nor is... Keep Reading
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Signature

May 25, 2010
Oh joy! Oh rapture! My first ceramic toy! This is the Signature, a very shiny ceramic dildo made by Duncan... Keep Reading
Penis ToysSex Toy Reviews

Review: Grip

May 11, 2010
Since falling for the Fleshlight, my boyfriend has had a distinct distaste for strokers that feel — as he puts it... Keep Reading
Penis ToysSex Toy Reviews

Review: Tera Patrick Fleshlight (Twista)

January 22, 2010
My boyfriend is afraid of fake vaginas, but I forced him to make an exception for the Tera Patrick Fleshlight.... Keep Reading
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Soft Serve

November 23, 2009
As I’ve previously mentioned, I’m quite fond of ice cream inspired dildos. And even if no ice cream should come... Keep Reading
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Tiger

October 28, 2009
The Fun Factory Tiger is just begging me to make a bunch of tiger jokes, puns, and references. But I... Keep Reading
Papaya Toys Candy Stick
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Candy Stick

August 16, 2009
Things that I like: green toys, toys that look like ice cream. But I’ve tried one before, the Fun Factory... Keep Reading
Penis ToysSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: Stroker

July 20, 2009
I had a lot of hope for the Tantus Stroker. It’s one of the only 100% silicone masturbation sleeves in existence, made... Keep Reading
Tantus Echo dildo in limited edition neon green
DildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Echo

July 11, 2009
I’ve had the Tantus Echo on my wishlist for a long, long time, ever since it lost in my mental choice... Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Benjamin Bond

March 22, 2009
When I began reviewing sex toys, my vagina was the biggest wimp. I was still a virgin, after all, and... Keep Reading
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Dai-Do #4

February 19, 2009
It seems that aluminum is the new “it” material. At first glance, however, the Dai Do #4 doesn’t appear to... Keep Reading
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Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

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Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

Review: Dame Kip and Pom

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