When I was but a wee sex toy reviewer, every new sex toy material was a treat. Not yet jaded by years of masturbatory ordeals, my vag was wowed by the smoothness of glass, the heft of stainless steel, the beauty of wood, the silkiness of silicone. Then I experienced luscious dual-density silicone, a true turning point. I quickly crowned it my favorite soft material and proceeded to stuff myself silly with dildos made out of it. That was 8 years ago, that glorious time of squishy exploration, so now I tend to take such materials for granted. It can be hard to get back into that head (vagina?) space again, but then there are toys that take me there, . . . read more

No matter what I say in the rest of this review, the fact will always remain: the Fun Factory Stronics make me come like a motherfucker. Like, this is a persistent, undeniable problem. And it’s embarrassing. I’m a sex toy reviewer. I should be able to control my orgasms. But the thrusting motion — coupled with some epic clitoral stimulation — does me in every time. Too quickly. I lose count of my orgasms. I get delirious. The Stronic Eins shook the world wide open last year with its revolutionary (and you know me, I don’t throw that word around) back-and-forth “pulsating” technology. At $190 a pop, I was dubious, but the Shake Weight-like movement jostled my G-spot perfectly and I fell in love. . . . read more

The Pleasure Works Rippler is like what the Tantus Echo wants to be when it grows up. It is a beast. A glimmering, swirly green beast; a beast that, sadly, promises much more than it delivers. I know. Despite the fact that I love large dildos, textured dildos, and toys that come in green, and despite the fact that I would’ve bet money I would enjoy this dildo before I tried it… I cannot find it in my heart to fully endorse the Rippler. I’ve never, since the first time I tried it, been psyched to use it. My first issue with the Rippler is that it is very, very stiff. Which I know makes no sense, since I adore . . . read more

It was October of 2008, and I had just started a blog that I didn’t know what the fuck to do with. I was on the hunt for my first ever silicone dildo, and I had narrowed it down to either the Goddess or the Echo, both Tantus dildos with texture. Being a cheapskate, I chose the Goddess because it was a smidge less expensive. I was impressed from the get-go. After trudging through many toys bearing the label “novelty only,” it was a relief to see the text on the Tantus box exclaiming, “100% ULTRA-PREMIUM PLATINUM SILICONE: NON-TOXIC, HYPOALLERGENIC, PHTHALATE FREE.” When I removed the dildo, I saw the word TANTUS carved into the base of the toy and thought . . . read more

The Evolved Lucky 11 is part of Evolved’s “Roulette” line. As such, it has a wheel embedded in its base that controls the vibrations. Admittedly, I was drawn in by this gimmick. But I’m also a texture slut, and the odd raised lines on the Lucky 11 appealed to me. First, a word on packaging. Evolved has always packaged their toys in decorative tins, and this one in a transparent plastic box. I know this is an attempt at being hip, but if you ask me, this style was outdated the moment they conceived of it. Sure, there aren’t half-naked ladies on the front, but it still strikes me as somewhat tacky, with its swirls and ALL CAPS promises. Like . . . read more

The Ophoria Bliss 8 is not kidding around. It is not joking. It is not pulling your leg, nor is it joshing you. It is one serious mofo, and that is why I love it. It’s basically made for texture sluts like myself. Here’s a simple test to determine whether or not the Bliss 8 will please you. Q: Do you prefer your sex toys to be smooth, pleasant, and non-confrontational? If you answered “yes,” then please, never get the Bliss 8. Get its boring-ass sibling, the Bliss 5, and enjoy its terrifyingly smooth surface instead.1 If you answered “no,” then the Bliss 8 is something to consider. Just ask yourself whether you like ridges. A lot of them. Serious . . . read more

Oh joy! Oh rapture! My first ceramic toy! This is the Signature, a very shiny ceramic dildo made by Duncan Charles Designs. Duncan Charles is a small (yet wonderfully generous!) operation based in Texas. They make their toys out of “refined Texas clay,” which means the clay “has no impurities or additives that are imported from other destinations.” Thank goodness! Wouldn’t want any of those Arkansas impurities… The Signature’s packaging puzzles me, though. It comes in a large square shoebox-like box, taped shut. Inside, there is a layer of foam, a slip of paper with care instructions, a storage pouch, and the toy, lying diagonally in a valley of satin-covered foam. First of all, the box could be half the . . . read more

Since falling for the Fleshlight, my boyfriend has had a distinct distaste for strokers that feel — as he puts it — too much like extensions of his hand. He likes the heft and hardness of the Fleshlight case; he feels it provides a more realistic, sex-like experience than most strokers. Unfortunately, this puts regular ol’ strokers, like the Vixen Creations Grip, at an automatic disadvantage. But my boyfriend is also wondering why he must always face widely-spaced ridges on the inside of sleeves. They are not his friends. Not at all. I must stress, this is all personal preference. The Grip is a great masturbation sleeve, mainly because it is made of plush, super soft and squishy VixSkin silicone. So . . . read more

My boyfriend is afraid of fake vaginas, but I forced him to make an exception for the Tera Patrick Fleshlight. After all, he loves his first Fleshlight, and it doesn’t even have a texture on the inside. I presented the Tera Patrick Fleshlight to him (err, gave it to him for Christmas…) because I thought he’d like the inner Twista texture. The outside? Well, he barely cares that it’s vulva-shaped, and doesn’t care at all that it’s a pornstar’s vulva. A few things have changed since last September, when he first fell in love with the Fleshlight. The main one is that he rarely, if at all, uses the “shoe method” now. I was appalled to learn this, especially since . . . read more