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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

    Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

    Review: Dame Kip and Pom

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Porn gems: playful domination & fireside fucking

    A hand caressing the tattooed leg of a person wearing a strap-on: the New York Collective Shilo dildo.

    Queer sex party chronicles: every night a blank slate

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
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  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
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Giveaways

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Prizes in my 2-year blogiversary giveaway!
Giveaways

2-year blogiversary giveaway winners

October 16, 2010
Wow! What a giveaway! You guys are, um, a little bit insane, and have kept me quite busy counting all...
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4-year blogiversary giveaway sex toy prizes
Giveaways

4-year blogiversary giveaway — 15 prizes!

October 3, 2012
Four motherfuckin’ years, my friends. That’s how long this blog has been chugging along. If you know me at all,...
Keep Reading
4-year blogiversary giveaway sex toy prizes
Giveaways

4-year blogiversary giveaway winners

October 29, 2012
Wow. I’m about 99% certain my 4-year blogiversary giveaway was the most successful giveaway in the history of this blog....
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Massive sex toy giveaway prizes!
Giveaways

5-year blogiversary sex toy giveaway winners!

November 9, 2013
Holy shit. This giveaway. I can’t even. I know I called it “massive” in the title, but that was before...
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Epiphora's 6-year blogiversary giveaway — 37 sex toy prizes!
Giveaways

6-year blogiversary giveaway — 37 sex toy prizes!

October 21, 2014
October is the month when the leaves start turning, my sweaters finally get put to good use, and I celebrate...
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Epiphora's 6-year blogiversary giveaway — 37 sex toy prizes!
Giveaways

6-year blogiversary giveaway winners!

November 21, 2014
I say this every year, but HOLY FUCK, PEOPLE. You went nuts in my 6-year blogiversary giveaway. Over 3,600 individual...
Keep Reading
A pile of Hitachi Magic Wand Rechargeable vibrators, as it should be.
Giveaways

600 posts = orgasm giveaway!

July 31, 2015
This is the 600th post on this blog. I got all sentimental when I hit 500 posts, so this time I’m going...
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Giveaways

7-year blogiversary giveaway — win one of 30 rad sex toys!

October 22, 2015
I am a bit concerned about you, peeps. Nary a whisper has been uttered to remind me that it’s October...
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Giveaways

7-year blogiversary giveaway winners

November 23, 2015
The biggest giveaway of the year on this here blog has officially closed, and what a giveaway it was! There...
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Giveaways

And the bumpy glass goes to…

June 13, 2009
My Twitter contest for a set of two bumpy glass dildos has come to a close, and I must say,...
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Custom Jollie dildo! It's turquoise and glittery, with cupcakes and the words "CONSENT IS SEXY" embedded in the silicone.
Giveaways

And the winner of the custom dildo is…

March 23, 2012
Aidyn! Thank you all for entertaining me for hours with your ideas for what you’d put in a custom dildo....
Keep Reading
njoy Pure Wand
Giveaways

And the winner of the Pure Wand is…

September 14, 2009
After all the voting on the entries for the Pure Wand contest, I am proud to finally announce the winning...
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Babeland Gift Card
Giveaways

Babeland gift card winner!

March 18, 2009
I probably should not admit this, but I have a soft spot for people who are looking for their first...
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Giveaways

Babeland Swag Contest winners!

December 30, 2008
I didn’t get very many entries for my first swag contest, but two of them made me giggle the most....
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Giveaways

Blogiversary blowout winners!

October 28, 2009
Ahhh, the end of my blogiversary blowout! I am excited to announce the seven lucky winners. First I chose my...
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Giveaways

Blogiversary blowout: oodles of sex toys

October 6, 2009
Tomorrow marks the one-year anniversary of this here blog, so of course, I wanted to give out some presents! I...
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Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Epiphora's orgasmic getaway giveaway! ($1,500 grand prize, 80+ prizes)

Orgasmic getaway giveaway! ($1,500 grand prize, 80+ prizes)

Porn gems: playful domination & fireside fucking

Movie Night: The Final Member

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  • Latest posts
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    • Sex toy sales, deals, and promos
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  • FAQ
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