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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

    Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

    Review: Dame Kip and Pom

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Porn gems: playful domination & fireside fucking

    A hand caressing the tattooed leg of a person wearing a strap-on: the New York Collective Shilo dildo.

    Queer sex party chronicles: every night a blank slate

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
  • Random

Giveaways

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  • A to Z
Sex toy giveaway, featuring the njoy Pure Wand, We-Vibe Tango, and Sliquid lube
Giveaways

Giveaway: win sex toys for you and a friend!

August 17, 2018
Did you hear? I’ve partnered with one of my newest affiliates, Spectrum Boutique, to spoil you AND a friend with...
Keep Reading
A pile of Hitachi Magic Wand Rechargeable vibrators, as it should be.
Giveaways

600 posts = orgasm giveaway!

July 31, 2015
This is the 600th post on this blog. I got all sentimental when I hit 500 posts, so this time I’m going...
Keep Reading
Giveaways

RubyGlass21 dildos winners!

August 2, 2009
My contest for two glorious glass dildos from RubyGlass21 has come to a close, and I was delighted with the...
Keep Reading
Graphic of all the amazing prizes in vector form. SO MANY!
Giveaways

Sex toys for all giveaway winners

November 23, 2016
I’m exhausted, y’all. Turns out, awarding over 50 sex toy prizes to over 50 different people is tiring! But I’m...
Keep Reading
Babeland Gift Card
Giveaways

Babeland gift card winner!

March 18, 2009
I probably should not admit this, but I have a soft spot for people who are looking for their first...
Keep Reading
Winter hotness giveaway graphic, showing the giveaway name on the label of the Spareparts Joque harness.
Giveaways

Winter hotness giveaway winners!

January 3, 2010
Thank you, everyone who entered That Toy Chick‘s and my Winter hotness giveaway! We’re very excited to be sending two...
Keep Reading
Epiphora's 6-year blogiversary giveaway — 37 sex toy prizes!
Giveaways

6-year blogiversary giveaway — 37 sex toy prizes!

October 21, 2014
October is the month when the leaves start turning, my sweaters finally get put to good use, and I celebrate...
Keep Reading
Drawing from SheVibe, of a green Mustang dildo trying to find its way in the dark.
Giveaways

Runaway dildo winner!

April 30, 2014
When SheVibe found the last living neon green Mustang under a low shelf in their warehouse, we had to team up to give...
Keep Reading
njoy Pure Wand
Giveaways

And the winner of the Pure Wand is…

September 14, 2009
After all the voting on the entries for the Pure Wand contest, I am proud to finally announce the winning...
Keep Reading
Custom Jollie dildo! It's turquoise and glittery, with cupcakes and the words "CONSENT IS SEXY" embedded in the silicone.
Giveaways

And the winner of the custom dildo is…

March 23, 2012
Aidyn! Thank you all for entertaining me for hours with your ideas for what you’d put in a custom dildo....
Keep Reading
Giveaways

Giveaway: sex toy survival kits for the apocalypse

October 9, 2020
2020 is not the year we ordered. We’ve spent almost 7 months in quarantine, and now we’re heading into a...
Keep Reading
OH MY SWEET JESUS. Neon VixSkin dildos!
Giveaways

Giveaway: Neon and tie-dye VixSkin FOR YOU!

August 21, 2012
So after screaming “IS THIS REAL LIFE???” and recovering from my initial heart attack when I heard about these new...
Keep Reading
Giveaway: rock your G-spot with the Fun Factory Stronic G!
Giveaways

Giveaway: rock your G-spot!

April 17, 2018
Hey, friend, how’s your G-spot doing lately? Still real, despite what the media says? Perhaps feeling a bit drab, a little...
Keep Reading
GiveawaysHi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

February 18, 2021
Is it a sign things are finally looking up? Fuck, I’ll take anything. A pair of legendary vibrators, cult classics,...
Keep Reading
njoy Pure Wand in its beautiful gift box
Giveaways

Contest: What would you do for a Pure Wand?

August 9, 2009
Ten inches of stainless steel. Two spheres of extreme G-spot stimulation. One and a half pounds. The sex toy, the...
Keep Reading
Romp butt plug in gorgeous honey-colored Mora wood.
Giveaways

New decade, new butt plug winner!

January 17, 2010
Wow! The response to my New decade, new butt plug giveaway was enormous! Thank you all for commenting, tweeting, blogging,...
Keep Reading
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Latest posts

Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Epiphora's orgasmic getaway giveaway! ($1,500 grand prize, 80+ prizes)

Orgasmic getaway giveaway! ($1,500 grand prize, 80+ prizes)

Porn gems: playful domination & fireside fucking

Movie Night: The Final Member

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  • Latest posts
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