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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

    Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

    Review: Dame Kip and Pom

    Review: Zumio E

    New York Toy Collective Jack 2-in-1 FTM stroker & packer

    Guest Review: Jack stroker & packer

    Review: OhMyG

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Sex toys on top of wrapping paper.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    The current state of Early to Bed in Chicago, with packing materials amidst dildo displays.

    Dildos in a pandemic: the sex toy industry and COVID-19

    My column in the high school paper, with the headline "Breaking four years of silence." There is a rainbow gradient effect over the image.

    That time I came out to my entire high school

    My logo on top of a glorious sex toy array, on top of a turquoise vulva-esque backdrop.

    Welcome to the NEW Hey Epiphora!

    Supplies for Mirena IUD insertion laid out at the doctor's office, including forceps, lube, gloves, and the Mirena box.

    The (not so) harrowing tale of my IUD insertion

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ

Giveaways

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  • A to Z
Giveaways

Rock your G-spot giveaway winners!

May 19, 2018
Recently, somebody pointed out to me just how far my giveaways have come. An old giveaway from the early days... Keep Reading
Giveaway: the great LELO Mona 2 vibrator summer party!
Adventures in SquirtingGiveaways

Giveaway: the great Mona summer party!

August 1, 2014
Put on your sunhats, make your best lemonade, and fill up the pool, because the time has come for the greatest party... Keep Reading
Giveaways

Giveaway: Glass dildos galore!

July 18, 2009
Check out them beauts! Meet the Vortex (top) and Pleasure Wand, two absolutely gorgeous glass dildos sent to me from the generous folks... Keep Reading
OH MY SWEET JESUS. Neon VixSkin dildos!
Giveaways

Neon and tie dye VixSkin winner

September 6, 2012
So I’m pretty sure my neon and tie dye VixSkin giveaway has been my most successful giveaway to date. AND... Keep Reading
GiveawaysHi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

February 18, 2021
Is it a sign things are finally looking up? Fuck, I’ll take anything. A pair of legendary vibrators, cult classics,... Keep Reading
Giveaways

Babeland Swag Contest winners!

December 30, 2008
I didn’t get very many entries for my first swag contest, but two of them made me giggle the most.... Keep Reading
Giveaways

Round 2 of the Pure Wand contest begins

August 21, 2009
It’s that time… time to move into the next phase of my What would you do for a Pure Wand?... Keep Reading
Romp butt plug in gorgeous honey-colored Mora wood.
Giveaways

New decade, new butt plug winner!

January 17, 2010
Wow! The response to my New decade, new butt plug giveaway was enormous! Thank you all for commenting, tweeting, blogging,... Keep Reading
Massive sex toy giveaway prizes!
Giveaways

5-year blogiversary sex toy giveaway winners!

November 9, 2013
Holy shit. This giveaway. I can’t even. I know I called it “massive” in the title, but that was before... Keep Reading
Massive sex toy giveaway prizes!
Giveaways

Massive 5-year blogiversary sex toy giveaway!

October 16, 2013
Five is a good, solid number. And it is now the number of years I have been stuffing things in... Keep Reading
Gift card to My Tickle Spot
Giveaways

Giveaway: It’s raining Tickle gift cards!

August 15, 2010
So, peeps, remember those Twitter parties I held a while back? They were awesome and really fun, so I decided... Keep Reading
Giveaway: rock your G-spot with the Fun Factory Stronic G!
Giveaways

Giveaway: rock your G-spot!

April 17, 2018
Hey, friend, how’s your G-spot doing lately? Still real, despite what the media says? Perhaps feeling a bit drab, a little... Keep Reading
Drawing from SheVibe, of a green Mustang dildo trying to find its way in the dark.
Giveaways

Giveaway: the runaway dildo

April 11, 2014
Back in October, we mourned the discontinuation of some of the loveliest neon dildos from Vixen Creations, including the green Mustang and all neon... Keep Reading
Mini giveaway attractions in my dildo carnival sex toy giveaway
Giveaways

Dildo carnival giveaway winners

November 17, 2018
It’s time to shut the dildo carnival down, folks. We’ve eaten a lot of corn dogs, played a bunch of... Keep Reading
Romp butt plug in gorgeous honey-colored Mora wood.
Giveaways

Giveaway: New decade, new butt plug

January 4, 2010
The year is 2010. It’s a new decade, and you’re ready for a change. Your butt plug collection is paltry,... Keep Reading
Gift cards to SheVibe, Early to Bed, Babeland, and MyPleasuure
Giveaways

Blogiversary giveaway: celebrating 200 reviews with 600 bucks!

October 6, 2011
Oh snap, my friends! This week is my 3-year blogging anniversary, and I’ve hit 200 reviews written! I wrote 35 reviews... Keep Reading
1 2 3 … 5

Fresh tweets

Latest posts

Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

Sex toy Black Friday + Cyber Monday sales!

Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

Review: Dame Kip and Pom

Sex toy survival kits for the apocalypse winners!

Giveaway: sex toy survival kits for the apocalypse

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  • Latest posts
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    • Browse greatest hits
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  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
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    • Sex toy sales, deals, and promos
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  • FAQ
  • About
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