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These toys are THE WORST.

Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementDildosGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: OhMyG

It freaks me out to imagine the questions sex toy shoppers of today must ask themselves. The landscape of options...
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The Jimmyjane Rumble Seat, a white plastic toilet-looking chair with a grey vibrating bump on top, standing in front of my sex toy closet.
Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Rumble Seat

When you arrive at the sex party and present the guests with your vibrating sex chair, you don’t exactly want...
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Aneros Evi kegel exerciser on top of a cream-colored knit fabric.
Greatest HitsKegel ExercisersSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: Evi

I’m on edge, watching my every move. Like the first day on a new job. Like the feds are after...
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Clandestine Devices Mimic vibrator on an ancient-looking egg scale. The cons outweigh the pros.
Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Anatomy of a negative sex toy review (or: the Mimic)

You’re mid-masturbation and you’ve forgotten what it’s like for orgasm to feel achievable. You’re doing everything right, theoretically: the vibrator’s...
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Dame Products Eva "hands-free" "couples" wearable vibrator standing up like a creepy bug.
Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Dame Eva

I’ve never told you much about my labia, but I guess now’s as good a time as any. I’d describe my...
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Jimmyjane Form 5 and Hello Touch X vibrators (plus masking tape labels) next to some fall leaves.
BDSMGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Form 5 + Hello Touch X

Why does Jimmyjane still exist? That’s mean. I know. I should delete that. I should write a new first sentence,...
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Black LELO Ora (original), blue LELO Ora 2 on a hardwood floor.
Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Ora 2

I wish the entirety of this review could just be the word no. Not even repeated for emphasis, not even in...
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LELO Hula Beads in the snow.
Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementKegel ExercisersSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Hula Beads

Imagine a cat with its head tilted to the side in puzzlement. That is me whenever I use the LELO...
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Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: Caress

It’s a genius name for a sex toy, because it conveys so much. Caress, like the breeze casually ruffling a...
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Hot Octopuss Queen Bee oscillating rechargeable vibrator on a yellow polka dot plate.
Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Queen Bee

Me, masturbating: uh, don’t mind me, I’m just over here jamming this ugly-ass hairbrush-lookin’ thing against my vulva in a feeble...
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We-Vibe Gala on a bookshelf.
Sex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Gala

My clit is a pretty sensitive creature. You’re going to need to know this going in. Take notes for the...
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Strapless strap-on dildos. Tantus Feeldoe More, Tantus Realdoe Stout, Fun Factory ShareVibe, Happy Valley Tango.
DildosGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Why I don’t like strapless strap-on dildos

I’ve never thought strapless strap-on dildos were the second coming of Christ. Let’s start there. I have my Joque harness,...
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Fun Factory Bi Stronic Fusion pulsator on an ornate rug.
Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: Bi Stronic Fusion

Wipe the stars from your eyes. Dash your dreams. Give up all hope. It sounds perfect on paper: a beautiful...
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Me in my Princessa video review
April Fool's!Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Video review: Princessa

In the past month, I’ve lost the ability to form full sentences. My fingers have forgotten how to type, settling only...
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OVO L1 Silicone Love Balls.
Kegel ExercisersSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: OVO L1 Silicone Love Balls

My rollercoaster ride with the OVO L1 Silicone Love Balls began one fateful afternoon in August. Days before, I’d sweated my ass off...
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iGino partying with a tequila shot,.
Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: iGino One

OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ...
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Hi, I’m Piph, and I have a very discerning vagina.

For over 15 years, I’ve been testing sex toys and writing about them on the internet.

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Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

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Greatest Hits

BlissMe vibrators: Mr. Cowboy, Mr. U.K., Mr. Right, Mr. Badboy, and Mr. C.E.O

Um, No: BlissMe vibrators with… personalities

Wahl, Hitachi, Rock Box

Review: Rock Box

Black LELO Ora (original), blue LELO Ora 2 on a hardwood floor.

Review: Ora 2

Je Joue SaSi oral sex toy.

Review: SaSi

Strapless strap-on dildos. Tantus Feeldoe More, Tantus Realdoe Stout, Fun Factory ShareVibe, Happy Valley Tango.

Why I don’t like strapless strap-on dildos

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