WE-VIBE HAS A NEW TOY OUT AND I’M SCREAMING ABOUT IT. It’s a squishy, oversized bugger called Wish that’s packed with rumbly power. It’s not without flaws, but that’s all I’ll say for now. New flavors of Sliquid lubes are here! I have yet to get my tongue on them, but damn if they don’t sound delicious: Tangerine Peach and Blackberry Fig. Satisfyer, commonly known as “that company ripping off Womanizer,” has 5,000 different models of their suction toy these days. Incredibly, they sent all of them to me. My clit has some work to do. Tickler, whose forgettable battery-operated vibes I reviewed years ago, has a new line of rechargeable toys: Classy, Choosy, and Snazzy. Despite it being the worst color . . . read more

Easily the most exciting news this time around comes from Doxy, who previewed several shiny bullet vibes at ETO, both AC-powered and rechargeable. According to David, they’re almost certainly more powerful than the We-Vibe Tango. The proper response to this photo is “oh, um, hello, yes.” This butt plug has rotating beads in the neck for a rimming sensation. But it’s $150! You’d have to really want to be rimmed by a machine. At first I was like “cool,” when I saw that Jimmyjane was coming out with a line of battery-operated vibrators modeled after their rechargeables. Then, I was able to try the Intro 2 (inspired by the Form 2), and WOW, IT SUCKS. Mega mega buzzy, and also . . . read more

The Lovehoney Flash (left) is a buzzy vibrator. The Doxy Don (right) is rumbly. Perusing the sex toy exhibitor booths at AVN, turning on and off strange vibrators from no-name companies, one word kept flittering into my mind: buzzy. Ugh, too buzzy. What a shame. The design is cool, but it’s so fucking buzzy. Nope. I even met an avid reader of my blog who works for an up-and-coming sex toy manufacturer. Their flagship vibrator intrigued me with its peculiar manta ray flaps and vibrant shade of turquoise silicone. But I turned it on and could not hide my disgust. “It needs a better motor,” I sighed. “Oh, I know,” she said. “I knew you’d hate it.” A sex toy could do literally everything else right — ergonomic shape, body-safe . . . read more

Vixen has released a peculiar dildo called the VixenAire Mustang. It inflates when you apply pressure to the base. I love my Mustang, but the VixenAire only inflates near the base of the toy, which I find weird??? For ages, I’ve hoped a company aside from Bad Dragon would invent a silicone squirting dildo. It has become so with the Pop! A SQWEEL FOR YOUR DICK. It looks like a torture device, but so do all the Sqweels. Fun Factory’s latest vibes are Lady Bi, a rabbit, and Moody, a curved G-spot/prostate toy with a textured flared base. It comes in orange! Um, yes, my need to rub these vibrators all over my body is strong. These are the new Tenga . . . read more

[Check out my annual best/worst tag for older and newer lists!] What a year 2015 was! I showed my face on the internet and subsequently used it to prank all of you. I got emotional about what being a writer means to me, then had my work published in Best Sex Writing of the Year. I managed to get out of the house a couple times, to attend the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit, an epic sex blogger retreat, and two smaller #dildoholiday vacations with friends. When the universe manifested yet another “scientific” “study” “proving” that squirt is pee, I protested loudly, and so did many of you. Dr. Drew was perplexed. 2015 was the year I programmed my own vibration patterns, took a video of the inside of my . . . read more

Fun Factory has a whole host of new stuff! There’s Miss Bi, a dual vibe with two strong-ass motors; Calice, an oddly-shaped mini vibe (my girlfriend: “it’s like someone said, make it look like a penis AND a vulva“), and Bi Stronic Fusion [update: I reviewed it here!] a Stronic/vibe hybrid. Spareparts Hardwear, makers of the most durable underwear-style harness on the market as well as my fave harness, now have a boxer briefs harness! And New York Toy Collective has an uncircumcised dildo: Ellis! Tantus recently released the Duchess, a dual-density version of their Duke, as well as the Starter and Gary. Yes, Gary. A dildo named Gary. LELO just remembered that prostates exist and have unveiled the Loki (aka Butt Mona), Bruno/Hugo, and Loki Wave. . . . read more

Why does Jimmyjane still exist? That’s mean. I know. I should delete that. I should write a new first sentence, something less hopeless and definitive. But sitting down to tell you about Jimmyjane’s recent releases, that is the question that pops into my head. Why, year after year, do they create products with little to no understanding of human needs? Why do they fail to improve upon anything, to move forward in any meaningful way? Why do they insist upon peddling $4,000 bouncy sex castles and $35,000 private jet rides rather than getting people off? Take, for instance, the Form 5. This is the fifth vibrator in the Form series, after we’ve been subjected to a glitchy tooth, malformed tongue, bowling pin, and an insertable vibrator with its . . . read more

If it seems like it’s been 5,000 years since Jimmyjane released something new, it has. Now, they have graced us with the Hello Touch X (rechargeable now, with an electrostim mode because uh?) and Form 5 (a weird mouth with flappy lips because uh?). The Fun Factory Bouncer looks boring as fuck. But it actually has inner balls that roll around, like kegel beads or their B Balls. I am into this idea. Tantus and SheVibe have teased us with some preliminary photos of uncut dildos they’re collaborating on. Yes! Hallelu, there will soon be a rechargeable Hitachi Magic Wand! The new wand will have a silicone head, four vibration intensities, and can be used while plugged in. Oooh, ahhh. Nexus has a few new products, including a . . . read more

Vibratex has released a series of rechargeable mini vibes called The Girls. Princessa looks just freakish enough for me to try, but that rose-shaped button is silly, and they each only have three vibration strengths and three patterns. I thought Nomi Tang was dying, but I guess not since they have a new dual vibe called the Infiniti. Don’t get excited; it’s basically a LELO Soraya. Actual quote from Nomi Tang in this press release: “once you pop you cannot stop.” What. Courtney Trouble teamed up with Fucking Sculptures to create the behemoth that is the Double Trouble. Probably the closest a glass dildo will come to being a fist. Know what’s missing from your life? Bubbles wafting gently over your . . . read more