VIXEN MADE A NEW DILDO! Unfortunately, it’s too effing big for my vagina! The Gambler (such a good name) is nearly 3″ in diameter — an epic challenge of girth. But Bex conquered it! Vixen has also been quietly adding special edition versions of their toys to their site, including anal beads that look like jawbreakers, a galaxy-swirled Hitachi attachment, and colorful pop art inspired Mustangs. Very cute! What a coincidence: around the same time I roasted Aneros’ Evi for being a useless blob, they’ve announced a vibrating version. Insert pondering emoji. Crystal dildo maker Chakrubs has expanded into wood. Pretty, but way way too pricey. We-Vibe merged with Womanizer. My initial reaction was concern, but perhaps this will be . . . read more

September 19, 2017 Decided to livetweet slathering my genitals with weed-enhanced lubricant spray. I’d done it once before, with my vulva, to uninspiring results, so this time I decided to try it in my ass. Reasonable, yes? I already had a butt plug in, so I removed it and re-inserted it with a generous coating of the spray. DEAR LORD, IT FELT LIKE FIRE. “Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy,” I said out loud, in a mild panic. The sensation mellowed quickly, but it was followed by something else I should’ve expected and yet somehow hadn’t: I felt myself getting actually stoned. What was happening in my ass became far less important than how indescribably soft the cat on my lap felt. . . . read more

Yay, the Canadian cuties at Fuze have four new suction cup dildos: Flame, Major (uncut and girthy!), Freddie, and Star. They can attach to each other, too, to make a custom double-ended dildo. Jimmyjane’s new Tre looks like a bundle of alien fingers. Isn’t that what you want to put on your clit? (Hot tip: if you want to be even poorer, buy the version that comes with a UV sanitizing case!) Dicks that become erect at the push of a button? THE FUTURE IS NOW. Flickering tips, y’all! The Volta is Fun Factory’s latest, and I must tell you from first-hand clitoral experience: I quite like it! Although composed entirely of knock-offs, Cal Exotics’ “Packer Gear” line is worth . . . read more

FUN FACTORY IS MAKING MENSTRUAL CUPS. YES, THIS DESERVES ALL CAPS. They’re called the Fun Cups. I have used them for many a period now and they have been a worthy addition to my bleedin’ life. [Edit: review here!] Jimmyjane’s latest vibrators are called Love Pods: Halo, Coral, and Om. Halo claims to have “revolutionary cyclonic vibrations.” Am I excited to eviscerate these toys? Absolutely. Do I care that that sounds petty as fuck? Nope. Hating on Jimmyjane is one of the simple pleasures of my life. For the first time in years, Je Joue has new stuff. Nothing flashy, just some basic rechargeable bullets, but you know, I’ll take basic over false claims of innovation… [loud exaggerated cough] Meanwhile, . . . read more

WE-VIBE HAS A NEW TOY OUT AND I’M SCREAMING ABOUT IT. It’s a squishy, oversized bugger called Wish that’s packed with rumbly power. It’s not without flaws, but that’s all I’ll say for now. [Edit: here’s my review.] New flavors of Sliquid lubes are here! I have yet to get my tongue on them, but damn if they don’t sound delicious: Tangerine Peach and Blackberry Fig. Satisfyer, commonly known as “that company ripping off Womanizer,” has 5,000 different models of their suction toy these days. Incredibly, they sent all of them to me. My clit has some work to do. Tickler, whose forgettable battery-operated vibes I reviewed years ago, has a new line of rechargeable toys: Classy, Choosy, and Snazzy  [Update: I . . . read more

Easily the most exciting news this time around comes from Doxy, who previewed several shiny bullet vibes at ETO, both AC-powered and rechargeable. According to David, they’re almost certainly more powerful than the We-Vibe Tango. The proper response to this photo is “oh, um, hello, yes.” This butt plug has rotating beads in the neck for a rimming sensation. But it’s $150! You’d have to really want to be rimmed by a machine. At first I was like “cool,” when I saw that Jimmyjane was coming out with a line of battery-operated vibrators modeled after their rechargeables. Then, I was able to try the Intro 2 (inspired by the Form 2), and WOW, IT SUCKS. Mega mega buzzy, and also . . . read more

The Lovehoney Flash (left) is a buzzy vibrator. The Doxy Don (right) is rumbly. Perusing the sex toy exhibitor booths at AVN, turning on and off strange vibrators from no-name companies, one word kept flittering into my mind: buzzy. Ugh, too buzzy. What a shame. The design is cool, but it’s so fucking buzzy. Nope. I even met an avid reader of my blog who works for an up-and-coming sex toy manufacturer. Their flagship vibrator intrigued me with its peculiar manta ray flaps and vibrant shade of turquoise silicone. But I turned it on and could not hide my disgust. “It needs a better motor,” I sighed. “Oh, I know,” she said. “I knew you’d hate it.” A sex toy could do literally everything else right — ergonomic shape, body-safe . . . read more

Vixen has released a peculiar dildo called the VixenAire Mustang. It inflates when you apply pressure to the base. I love my Mustang, but the VixenAire only inflates near the base of the toy, which I find weird??? For ages, I’ve hoped a company aside from Bad Dragon would invent a silicone squirting dildo. It has become so with the Pop! A SQWEEL FOR YOUR DICK. It looks like a torture device, but so do all the Sqweels. Fun Factory’s latest vibes are Lady Bi, a rabbit, and Moody, a curved G-spot/prostate toy with a textured flared base. It comes in orange! Um, yes, my need to rub these vibrators all over my body is strong. These are the new Tenga . . . read more

[Check out my annual best/worst tag for older and newer lists!] What a year 2015 was! I showed my face on the internet and subsequently used it to prank all of you. I got emotional about what being a writer means to me, then had my work published in Best Sex Writing of the Year. I managed to get out of the house a couple times, to attend the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit, an epic sex blogger retreat, and two smaller #dildoholiday vacations with friends. When the universe manifested yet another “scientific” “study” “proving” that squirt is pee, I protested loudly, and so did many of you. Dr. Drew was perplexed. 2015 was the year I programmed my own vibration patterns, took a video of the inside of my . . . read more