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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Porn gems: playful domination & fireside fucking

    A hand caressing the tattooed leg of a person wearing a strap-on: the New York Collective Shilo dildo.

    Queer sex party chronicles: every night a blank slate

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

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BMS Factory Swan Curve vibrator leaning against the Swan Wand, with Mini Swan Wand in foreground, in a kiddie pool.
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Swan Wand, Mini Swan Wand + Swan Curve

June 15, 2018
When I hear the word “swan,” I think of a few things. Grace. Elegance. The color white. Bjork. Overwrought symbols...
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We-Vibe Gala on a bookshelf.
Sex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Gala

March 20, 2018
My clit is a pretty sensitive creature. You’re going to need to know this going in. Take notes for the...
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Tickler Toyfriend Smooth Operators Classy, Choosy, and Snazzy embedded in the snow, with little bits of grass poking out.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Smooth Operators (Snazzy, Choosy, and Classy)

February 28, 2018
Blink and you might pass right over them. They’re not terribly attractive, not revolutionary in function, not aggressively marketed. These...
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SenseMax SenseVibe rechargeable dual vibrator next to a burnt yellow fuzzy scarf.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: SenseVibe

January 31, 2018
The SenseVibe, much to my dismay, is not a fortune-telling sex toy. It can’t give you the weather forecast or...
Keep Reading
We-Vibe Wish rechargeable clitoral vibrator on a small table, next to a clock and necklace.
Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Wish

June 29, 2017
There’s a common piece of sex advice, an old sex educator adage usually aimed at people wanting to please vulvas:...
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L'Amourose Rosa and Rosa Rouge vibrators in a windowsill.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Rosa and Rosa Rouge

September 19, 2015
It’s not often that a new sex toy company comes out of the woodwork with a product that immediately garners critical acclaim...
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Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Duet

June 11, 2012
I can now say that I own a vibrator engraved with my name. Or, I should say, engraved with the...
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Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Soraya

July 6, 2011
The world of luxury rabbit vibes is not an expansive one. Fun Factory has some with varying degrees of success;...
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LELO Ina rechargeable vibrator, on top of the "naked people puzzle," as my family calls it
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Ina

June 14, 2010
The LELO Ina is a very divisive toy. Those who love it vehemently love it; others vehemently bemoan its incompatibility with their...
Keep Reading
Jimmyjane Form 6 vibrator
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Form 6

June 8, 2010
I’ve been dreading writing this review. I’ve been putting it off. I’ve been typing and deleting, trying to form sentences...
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BanterSex Toy ReviewsToybox ReportsVibratorsWhine Time

The fatal flaw of the Jimmyjane Form 2

May 4, 2010
The Jimmyjane Form 2 was so close to perfect. Until it wasn’t anymore. I started noticing, while using the Form...
Keep Reading
Fun Factory Cobra Libre, looking like a funny car with a weird mouth, getting rained on by droplets of water.
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Hell Yes: Cobra Libre

March 7, 2010
I think Fun Factory is definitely onto something with the Cobra Libre. I’ve been wondering when someone would harness the...
Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Form 2

February 26, 2010
It’s the tweezers! The tooth! The chopsticks! Or… the rabbit ears, if you want to be boring. It’s the Jimmyjane...
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Latest posts

A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Epiphora's orgasmic getaway giveaway! ($1,500 grand prize, 80+ prizes)

Orgasmic getaway giveaway! ($1,500 grand prize, 80+ prizes)

Porn gems: playful domination & fireside fucking

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

Fun Toys G-Vibe, a purple dildo with a split shape, creepin' on the neighbors through the blinds.

Review: G-Vibe

The Eroscillator standing proudly on a table, with the Ultra Soft Fingertip attachment (marshmallow) on it.

Review: Eroscillator

Hot Octopuss Queen Bee oscillating rechargeable vibrator on a yellow polka dot plate.

Review: Queen Bee

Slice of rainbow pride cake necklaces on a tie-dye fabric

The things we’ve built

Spareparts Hardwear Joque harness as modeled by the lovely Penny and Bex.

Review: Joque harness

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