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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

    Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
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Evan Stone

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Sex toy masturbation session note taking, with dirtied toys lying on top.
FeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #18

February 11, 2015
April 2014 Sit down, friends. I would like to talk to you about incest. I’ve slyly alluded to it before, but this...
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A bunch of dirtied sex toys lying on a paper towel (on which I've scribbled notes).
FeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #17

March 28, 2014
May 17th, 2013 The boyfriend went to the convenience store for beer, and Survivor was downloading at a snails’ pace, so...
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DVD cover of Rough Sex 3: Adrianna's Dangerous Mind, porn film directed by Tristan Taormino
PornSex Toy Reviews

Review: Rough Sex 3

October 19, 2011
This may be the right time to admit that I don’t find Adrianna Nicole’s face terribly attractive. However, her body...
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DVD cover of Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Female Orgasms, porn film directed by Tristan Taormino
PornSex Toy Reviews

Review: Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Female Orgasms

February 16, 2011
Tristan Taormino does incredibly important work with her Expert Guide series of porn movies. So many “how-to” movies are yawn-inducing, but...
Keep Reading
Suds rolling down Charley Chase's ass.
FeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #10

August 13, 2010
July 1st, 2010 I have learned a lesson about lube bottles. Before use, always cautiously test to make sure the...
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Bartenders porn DVD cover
BanterDirty VideosFeaturesHell Yes / Um, NoJack-off Journal

Hell Yes: Bartenders

May 16, 2010
Bartenders is the newest, yet-to-be-released feature porno from Burning Angel. Now, it takes serious hilarity to make me laugh aloud...
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DVD cover of Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Advanced Fellatio, porn film directed by Tristan Taormino
PornSex Toy Reviews

Review: Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Advanced Fellatio

March 24, 2010
I’m not big on blowjobs in porn. I don’t hate them, but I’ll usually only watch a couple minutes of...
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FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Hell Yes: Alice

February 23, 2010
I don’t even really know the plot of Alice in Wonderland, and yet Erica McLean and Carlos Batts’s upcoming porno...
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Dude in The King of Coochie 4 making quite the snarling face while fucking Sunny Lane.
Adventures in SquirtingFeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #2

December 1, 2009
November 17th, 2009 I watched a threesome scene in The King of Coochie 4, with Sasha Grey, Sunny Lane, and...
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PornSex Toy Reviews

Review: Pussy a Go Go

August 5, 2009
Pussy a Go Go is a fake documentary about a traveling burlesque carnival show — or, rather, the (often sexual)...
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PornSex Toy Reviews

Review: Hardcore Circus

July 29, 2009
A circus is a hard thing to pull off in a porno, which is why I was half-expecting the scenery...
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PornSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: Star 69: Threesomes

December 11, 2008
Genre: Edited-down threesomesDirector: Varies by sceneLength: 3 hours and 43 minutes on each disc, 7 hours and 26 minutes altogetherCast:...
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Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

Womanizer air flow / pressure wave suction vibrator, with its ridiculous fake jewel, on a very white bed.

Review: Womanizer

Rainbow notebook, bracelets, and keychain.

The Coming Out Interviews, pt. 1: Mom, I’m queer

Liberator Fascinator Shag Throe close-up, with droplets of water all over it.

Review: Fascinator Shag Throw

LELO Ida vibrator in a box of various nail polishes.

Review: Ida

LELO PicoBong Kiki vibrator (photo by Mandi at EROntric, used with permission)

Review: Kiki

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