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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

    Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

    Review: Dame Kip and Pom

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Porn gems: playful domination & fireside fucking

    A hand caressing the tattooed leg of a person wearing a strap-on: the New York Collective Shilo dildo.

    Queer sex party chronicles: every night a blank slate

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
  • Random

Eroscillator

The Eroscillator is one of the best vibrators I’ve ever tried (although it’s not technically a vibrator, since it oscillates rather than vibrating). It has its own tag because I talk about it too much.

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  • Latest
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  • A to Z
My Celebrator oscillating toothbrush vibrator on a vintage floral patterned surface.
Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: My Celebrator

July 1, 2016
What is life if not a series of attempts at proving arrogant men wrong? I never wanted to have to...
Keep Reading
Eroscillator Top Deluxe and Eroscillator 2 Plus next to each other on the floor.
Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementHi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Eroscillator 2 Plus vs. Top Deluxe: is 35% more power worth $55 more?

May 7, 2013
For years, literally, ever since I dubbed the Eroscillator “the best sex toy I’ve ever tried,” people have been asking me...
Keep Reading
BanterTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

Soaked-through paper towels

April 24, 2012
Sometimes I wait an embarrassingly long time to clean my sex toys. But that’s the beauty of non-porous toys — they clean...
Keep Reading
Drawer of sex toys, dildos and vibrators alike.
BanterToybox ReportsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

Peek inside my sex toy storage

January 14, 2011
I already told you about my awesome plastic storage drawers, but y’all are creepers, so I figured you’d want to...
Keep Reading
Suds rolling down Charley Chase's ass.
FeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #10

August 13, 2010
July 1st, 2010 I have learned a lesson about lube bottles. Before use, always cautiously test to make sure the...
Keep Reading
Belladonna shoving a purple jelly dildo down Sasha Grey's throat.
Adventures in SquirtingFeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #9

July 19, 2010
June 6th, 2010 Here’s a little secret for you: I’ve been jacking off to words lately. I know, blasphemy. I usually...
Keep Reading
Huge puddle of ejaculate on the Throe after using the Beyond 3.
Adventures in SquirtingFeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #6

April 18, 2010
March 4th, 2010 You know what’s hard to watch? An hour and 16 minutes of nothing but cocksucking. But I...
Keep Reading
Melissa Monet making The Face while receiving oral sex.
FeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #5

March 10, 2010
February 9th, 2010 Dear diary, today I learned that masturbation while drunk is really fucking annoying. I spent most of...
Keep Reading
The Big Book of Sex Toys
BooksSex Toy Reviews

Review: The Big Book of Sex Toys

March 5, 2010
Reading The Big Book of Sex Toys, I learned that it’s hard to read a book about subject I already...
Keep Reading
Me holding the mighty Eroscillator, with the pillowy marshmallow attachment.
Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementGuest ReviewsVibrators

Guest Review: Eroscillator

March 4, 2010
I’m not surprised that my insanely extensive and enthusiastic review of the Eroscillator resulted in several of my readers lusting...
Keep Reading
Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Better Sex Synergy Pleasure System

March 3, 2010
The Better Sex Synergy Pleasure System, made by the Sinclair Institute, is all about pomp and bravado. It has a...
Keep Reading
James Deen and Stoya on a bed in A Taste of Stoya.
FeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #4

February 13, 2010
January 2nd, 2010 Although I’d just read a terrible piece of “science,” I was too tired to go for the...
Keep Reading
Dude in The King of Coochie 4 making quite the snarling face while fucking Sunny Lane.
Adventures in SquirtingFeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #2

December 1, 2009
November 17th, 2009 I watched a threesome scene in The King of Coochie 4, with Sasha Grey, Sunny Lane, and...
Keep Reading
A tweet which read, "I am now toasting to your fabulous orgasm, lucky girl. Cheers!"
Adventures in SquirtingFeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #1

November 16, 2009
November 3rd, 2009 Settled into bed with Roulette on my laptop and the Better than Chocolate on my clit, for...
Keep Reading
Adventures in SquirtingAnyway How's Your Sex Life?Banter

The dual orgasm

November 15, 2009
I have discovered it: orgasmic utopia. It first happened on October 5th; I wrote, “I have discovered the dual, synchronized...
Keep Reading
The Eroscillator standing proudly on a table, with the Ultra Soft Fingertip attachment (marshmallow) on it.
Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementGreatest HitsHi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Eroscillator

November 8, 2009
You know those butt-ugly animals, like hairless cats and shivery Chinese Cresteds, that instinctively disgust you — until you fall...
Keep Reading
1 2

Fresh tweets

Latest posts

Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Epiphora's orgasmic getaway giveaway! ($1,500 grand prize, 80+ prizes)

Orgasmic getaway giveaway! ($1,500 grand prize, 80+ prizes)

Porn gems: playful domination & fireside fucking

Movie Night: The Final Member

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  • Latest posts
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