Jun 182013
 

Fleshlight VibroI can’t get this website out of my head when I think about the Fleshlight Vibro. Granted, who hasn’t taken the “Sex Toy or Baby Toy?” quiz (I got 11/15, by the way), and what isn’t amazing about the page on dollar store sex toys? But I should not be thinking of DIY sex toys when looking at a $77, profesh sex toy. Yet I am.

Because the Fleshlight Vibro is basically a nice masturbation sleeve cobbled together with shitty, cheap, annoying little bullet vibrators. This enables it to vibrate, yes, but is the effort worth it? My penis-wielding counterpart says no. Not quite.

The Fleshlight Vibro comes in two orifice choices — Lady (vulva) and Butt. Both are made of pink Superskin. Both have the same inner texture: Touch, a series of nubs that is exclusive to the Vibro (but not particularly unique — it’s similar to the Speed Bump). The toy comes with three single-speed watch battery bullets, a sample of Fleshlube, sufficient batteries, and a 10-pack of extra batteries.

My boyfriend is down with the Fleshlube because he is not discerning. It has glycerin in it, so do not use it in biological vaginas — only those made of Superskin. (For biological vaginas, use Sliquid.)

My boyfriend is also a total fan of vibration. Whenever I use a vibrator during sex, he enjoys the residual vibration. So the Fleshlight Vibro certainly ticks that box and feels good to him in that sense. But it’s the build-up and ramifications he doesn’t like.

Using the Vibro is a production. First, the bullets must be turned on and stuffed into their holes. Then the sleeve must be shoved into its case. Then, of course, lube and fucking, and worrying about whether the bullets are going to die on you (he felt the bullets losing power after only a couple uses). After orgasm, the bullets are still buzzing away, which might be a little disconcerting if you’re full of Catholic guilt.

All of that, my boyfriend reports, is the nail in the coffin. It’s too much work.

But there’s one other thing. The bullets cause an unwanted narrowing of the passage. With all three bullets in place, there’s more resistance and his penis wants to pop out. It feels like the inner sides are stiff rather than fleshy (“like a Fleshlight is supposed to be”). One bullet on top is best — non-intrusive and his penis glides easily. Of course, that’s also the least amount of vibration. Thankfully, this can be rectified with a better bullet — like the We-Vibe Tango, which provides vibrations that are both stronger and deeper than three shitty bullets combined, or the Screaming O Vooom.

The Touch texture is a hit, though. The bumps are rounded and have a lot of give, so they get flattened when a penis is thrusting against them. This is a relief, considering his distaste for the fang texture of the Succu Dry and the ridges of the Tera Patrick Twista. He likes his Fleshlight textures minimal and subtle, and this one is.

If it wasn’t so annoying to set up, my boyfriend would use it over his original Fleshlight. But he is a lazy masturbator (not gonna lie, I used that phrase solely so that it can be the fourth time I’ve used it on this blog) like me — unwilling to exert even the smallest amount of effort at jack-off time — and therefore the Vibro will probably fall by the wayside.

It’s not bad. It’s just a bit of a gimmick. A bit of a half-assed attempt at making the Fleshlight vibrate. Something I’d expect to see on Tumblr — like some dude duct-taping bullet vibes to his Fleshlight sleeve or something. And it feels suspiciously like a marketing scheme. Wouldn’t it take all of two seconds for Fleshlight to add bullet cavities to all of their sleeves? Yet only the Vibro has them.

Should you get the Fleshlight Vibro just in case you ever want your Fleshlight to vibrate? If you like the nubby Touch texture and have an extra $16 to spare beyond the usual build-your-own Fleshlight, sure. It doesn’t change anything about the structure of the toy until you put the bullets in it. If you calculate what the bullets would cost separately ($24 or so altogether) plus what the batch of included batteries would cost ($20 on a good day), it’s a good deal. It’s better than hacking your Fleshlight… but I feel like maybe that shouldn’t be where the bar is set.

Get the Fleshlight Vibro at Fleshlight, Smitten Kitten,
Lovehoney (international), or Come As You Are (Canada).

Find the Fleshlight of your dreams at Fleshlight, Fleshjack, SheVibeGoodVibesEarly to Bed,
Smitten Kitten, Lovehoney (international), or Come As You Are (Canada).

/* ]]> */