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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

    Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

    Review: Dame Kip and Pom

    Review: Zumio E

    New York Toy Collective Jack 2-in-1 FTM stroker & packer

    Guest Review: Jack stroker & packer

    Review: OhMyG

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Sex toys on top of wrapping paper.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    The current state of Early to Bed in Chicago, with packing materials amidst dildo displays.

    Dildos in a pandemic: the sex toy industry and COVID-19

    My column in the high school paper, with the headline "Breaking four years of silence." There is a rainbow gradient effect over the image.

    That time I came out to my entire high school

    My logo on top of a glorious sex toy array, on top of a turquoise vulva-esque backdrop.

    Welcome to the NEW Hey Epiphora!

    Supplies for Mirena IUD insertion laid out at the doctor's office, including forceps, lube, gloves, and the Mirena box.

    The (not so) harrowing tale of my IUD insertion

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
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  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ

Fleshlight

You may have heard of Fleshlight. They make masturbation sleeves that are housed in flashlight-like cases. They’re the best around. My partner is IN LOVE with his.

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FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: bionic dildos and a bundle of alien fingers

April 12, 2018
Yay, the Canadian cuties at Fuze have four new suction cup dildos: Flame, Major (uncut and girthy!), Freddie, and Star.... Keep Reading
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: a pint-sized Doxy and devil horn cervix ticklers

June 1, 2017
We-Vibe is making cock rings! And a butt plug! All of ’em are app-compatible, which makes a lot of sense... Keep Reading
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: a blowjob dildo and biodegradable vibrators (?!)

November 6, 2016
Let’s start with the most amazing news in recent history: THERE IS FINALLY A NEW BLOWJOB DILDO. Some of you... Keep Reading
Miss Bi, a dual vibe with two strong-ass motors; Calice, an oddly-shaped mini vibe (my girlfriend: "it's like someone said, make it look like a penis AND a vulva"), and Bi Stronic Fusion,
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: scented vibrators and remote-controlled underwear

November 7, 2015
Fun Factory has a whole host of new stuff! There’s Miss Bi, a dual vibe with two strong-ass motors; Calice, an... Keep Reading
RECHARGEABLE! MAGIC WAND!
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: uncut dildos and a rechargeable Hitachi

February 18, 2015
If it seems like it’s been 5,000 years since Jimmyjane released something new, it has. Now, they have graced us... Keep Reading
Orgasmatronics Ambrosia Vibe
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: kegel ball butt plugs and ornate dildos

June 25, 2014
I have to restrain myself from getting too excited about this, but Fun Factory is releasing a butt plug that... Keep Reading
Fun Factory Amorino
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: long-distance sex toys and useless gimmicks

January 13, 2014
The BIG! NEWS! of the moment is LELO’s latest product, the Ora. It’s basically a re-imagined SaSi, which I gotta... Keep Reading
Dee Lee Doo wooden dildos
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: a sex toy belt and a vibe that shoots water at your clit

December 4, 2013
Crowdfunding. Again. Always and forever. This time for wooden dildos, which, if you ask the creator, may just be the... Keep Reading
Sex toys on top of wrapping paper.
Greatest HitsGuides

Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

November 15, 2013
If you ask me, sex toys are way better gifts than socks or body wash. Now I may be biased,... Keep Reading
Fleshlight Vibro sleeve out of its case, showing the bullet vibrators nestled into pockets of the sleeve.
Penis ToysSex Toy Reviews

Review: Fleshlight Vibro

June 18, 2013
I can’t get this website out of my head when I think about the Fleshlight Vibro. Granted, who hasn’t taken the... Keep Reading
Tenga Iroha vibrators
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: silicone paddles and self-lubricating vibrators

March 29, 2013
Tenga is breaking out of the masturbation sleeve box they’ve created for themselves, and are now making rechargeable vibrators. I... Keep Reading
Fleshlight Flight with a fake Australian passport, because why not. It wants to travel.
Penis ToysSex Toy Reviews

Review: Flight

January 3, 2013
It is now quite nearly a fact: my boyfriend likes his Fleshlights plain. His first Fleshlight remains his unbeatable favorite because the... Keep Reading
LELO Mia 2 vibrator
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: bejeweled dildos and shell-shaped cock rings

December 17, 2012
It looks like Papaya Toys is finally releasing the Ice, a silicone dildo with an acrylic jewel embedded in one... Keep Reading
4-year blogiversary giveaway sex toy prizes
Giveaways

4-year blogiversary giveaway winners

October 29, 2012
Wow. I’m about 99% certain my 4-year blogiversary giveaway was the most successful giveaway in the history of this blog.... Keep Reading
Fleshlight sample, Tantus dildos, Vixen silicone sample, PicoBong die
BanterToybox Reports

Mini sex toy doodads!

August 27, 2012
I think I can call this a legit collection now. Back in April, after jealously ogling everyone’s photos of the... Keep Reading
The shoe method of using a Fleshlight, tucked into the end.
BanterSunshine & RainbowsToybox Reports

Still Fleshlight after all these months

October 1, 2010
I’m at my desk, watching porn, jacking off, while my boyfriend reads in bed. Well, he reads for about 5... Keep Reading
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Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

Sex toy Black Friday + Cyber Monday sales!

Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

Review: Dame Kip and Pom

Sex toy survival kits for the apocalypse winners!

Giveaway: sex toy survival kits for the apocalypse

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