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The girl I call Aerie

When we were finished, the room clapped for us and Queeraschino said, “um, I have something to tell you… I think you’re gay.”

Bouquet of hand drawn sex toys.

Aerie greets me at the airport with a bouquet of hand-drawn sex toys. Eleven toys, all of them my favorites, with green pipe cleaner stems. On the romance scale, this may surpass the CD that my boyfriend made for one of our anniversaries which included a Tegan & Sara cover and 5 minutes of our cat purring into a microphone.

Aerie lives in a swanky condo on the third level. It has sparkling wooden floors, kitchen appliances that beep at you if you don’t do their bidding, and best of all, air conditioning. We make delicious coffee in the morning with a hand grinder and a french press. Their bed is swathed in comfy grey sheets and pillows. I feel like I’m in a hotel, even more so waking up next to a beautiful girl.

One evening, we have sex until we’re starving, then scarf In-N-Out. Another night, they make me homemade teppanyaki and I have a breakthrough in how to hold chopsticks. On a particularly glamorous evening, we go to AsiaSF for the dinner show. Gorgeous trans ladies lip sync and dance on the bar. One performer grabs my hand and makes me touch her boob… and her crotch. The bachelorette parties lose their minds.

The bartender asks us whether it’s a special occasion, pressing us on our relationship.

“We’re, uh, friends who have sex with each other?” I fumble. “‘Friends with benefits’ doesn’t sound right.”

Me kissin' Aerie on the cheek.

The first time we had sex was at a sex party. Neither of us had been to a sex party before… or had sex with anyone with a vulva. I’m not counting the half-assed dry-humping of my youth. I’m talking tongues, fingers, open-air vulvas. Before that night, I’d literally never had sex with anyone except my boyfriend of 9 years. I was that sex blogger.


Aerie and I got together thanks to Snapchat flirting, crafty sex party planner friends, and a mutual love for massages. Everyone else was talking, eating chips, and sporadically hitting each other with floggers. The king-sized hotel bed sat empty, waiting. Aerie and I were sitting next to each other trying to act natural. Well, I was casually using my Mona under my nightgown, so maybe not.

Finally Aerie said, “can I give you a massage?” I could not say yes fast enough.

Massaging turned to kissing turned to naked caressing. They told me they might be getting sick; I consented to possibly catching a cold. Then I went down on them.

I had no clue what I was doing — but I went off instinct, off what I’d seen in porn. I doubt I was super good. I was probably sloppy, unfocused. But I buried myself in their vulva and did whatever seemed right, whatever they wanted me to do.

“Are you sure you haven’t done this before?” they asked.

Somewhere on the other side of the universe, someone was squirting on the pull-out bed.

Aerie went down on me, then I taught them to use the Comet Wand on me. I was overwhelmed by the sensation. There is a swiftness and effortlessness about someone else using an ergonomic G-spot toy on you correctly. I was almost unable to focus on their tongue and then the vibe on my clit. But I did, even in a room full of people, and I came hard.

Then I stood up and put on my Joque harness, with Mustang strapped in. It was meant to be: I brought my Joque but not my Mustang, Aerie brought their Mustang but not their Joque. Queeraschino helped me tighten my harness, because that’s what friends are for.

As Aerie grinded on me in cowgirl with their beautiful boobs wafting above me I thought, okay, I get why guys like this. After that, they came with the We-Vibe Salsa on their clit and my fingers inside them, pressing hard into their G-spot.

When we were finished, the room clapped for us and Queeraschino said, “um, I have something to tell you… I think you’re gay.”

I gulped down all the water on earth, then grabbed my phone and used its last bit of battery life to text my boyfriend: definitely had sex with Aerie. He replied, that’s awesome!!!

At AsiaSF, the bartender asks what we’re doing afterward. I tell him we’re going to Mr. S Leather, a sex shop. He wants to know if we’re going to get some new toys.

“Probably not,” I say. “We have way too many already. Seriously.”

He is entranced. He tells his co-worker he wants to hang out with us after. Armory tour, including bottle of hand sanitizer and padded room.

As we walk up the stairs into the Armory, a horde of skateboarding stoners asks, “hey, are you guys models?!” When we don’t reply, they yell, “YOU ARE, AREN’T YOU!?”

The tour guide shows us a padded cell, interrogation room, slaughterhouse, kitchen complete with fake food, bathroom, doctor’s office, gym where they film Ultimate Surrender and Naked Kombat, and a “normie” bedroom with a cage built into the staircase. In the hallway we pass several 55-gallon barrels of lube, complete with pumps and spouts.

The most surprising thing is how banal everything is. It’s mostly like a huge warehouse. Even the Upper Floor doesn’t have the sparkling grandeur that I thought it did on film.

Vibrator from the 1930s in the Good Vibes antique vibrator museum.

While in San Francisco, we also visit several sex shops, including Good Vibes Polk with its antique vibrator museum, and the best-named sex shop on the planet, Does Your Mother Know. The biggest takeaway from Good Vibes? Vibratex’s The Girls vibes are just as useless as Penny said. The biggest takeaway from Does Your Mother Know? No matter how much of a boss I think my vagina is, visiting a gay dude sex shop can make me feel like a twerp in no time.

Our last stop is Wicked Grounds kink cafe, where we ogle their beautiful artwork and buy mugs. There’s a sign at the register which reads, “would you (or your sub) like your drink in a dog bowl?” I take a picture of it and send it to my mom. She replies with disappointment, where is a pic of YOUR dog bowl drink ???

I usually spend the fourth of July holed up in my apartment, vaguely listening to the blasts outside. This year, we walk hand-in-hand to a park to see them set off huge fireworks. I wear a sweater I wore in high school whenever I made out with boys in winter. The fireworks are so close that we have to crane our necks to take it all in. Aerie lets me lay my head in their lap.

“You’re the sweetest,” they murmur.

“You’re as sweet as a kitten,” I reply in a half-asleep fog. “With a cupcake on its head. A cupcake-shaped growth.”

They laugh.

“A growth that affirms your opinions. And has WiFi.”

I run my hands over their arms, explaining that I am making sure everything is in working order. I poke their collarbone. “Checking bone density,” I explain.

Somehow, these weird things are endearing to them.

Paint ALL the nails! Aerie and I holding hands.

When we drive, we listen to old episodes of Sex Out Loud. Joan Price talks about getting yourself in the mood for sex rather than waiting for it to strike; Nina Hartley talks about having different partners for different things.

Sex with Aerie is so different from the sex I have always known. It is slower, with an inherent understanding that comes from having similar bodies.

Together, we are trying new things. Electricity. Double-ended dildos. Face sitting. New sex toy materials. Oral techniques. (Shout out to Sliquid H2O for being perfect and not tasting like anything.) Clitoral massage techniques. Different harnesses. Mutual masturbation. Whether my Diva Cup will stay in place while I’m being fingered (answer: YES). How quickly I can thrust with the Pure Wand to squirt all over their luxurious Throe.

I love Aerie’s hipbones. And their labia. I love feeling their G-spot.

And there is still so much to learn.

Similarly-salacious material


  1. I am so happy that you could come visit and stay with me and sleep in my bed! This post is AMAZING and is the sweetest thing I have ever read.

    I love your soft kisses, your sexy curls, your space pajamas, and your perfect smile. Sex with you is wonderful and I love exploring and trying out so many new things together. I will never forget watching fireworks with you, the make-out playlist you created, or stepping out of the shower to discover you made me coffee.

    I will miss drifting off to sleep together and walking hand-in-hand. I will miss giggling about the silliest things until 2 in the morning. For now, however, I have these words you have written and the memories we’ve made together, until we meet again.

  2. Nothing I have to say will be construed correctly by the world at large here, so I’ll just leave this here and continue making this face at you both. Yeah.

  3. “…grabbed my phone and used its last bit of battery life to text my boyfriend: definitely had sex with Aerie. He replied, that’s awesome!!!”

    I love that your boyfriend doesn’t get jealous and supports whatever makes you happy.

    ALSO. I am ashamed to admit that this conversation took place—

    Me: so…were they at an orgy?
    Boyfriend: yeah. The play party
    Me: I wonder which play they saw
    Boyfriend: what are you talking about?
    Me: the play party. The party they went to after the play
    Boyfriend: what? No, the play party is the orgy. Kind of. You have sexual acts in a big room and it’s usually more intimate than an orgy. You seriously thought they all went to a play together, then were so pumped from that they decided to rent a big hotel room and hit each other with floggers from the adrenaline rush?
    Me: I DON’T KNOW OKAY. They’re cool, they live in portland!!

    So yeah. Learn something new every day! Oh and thanks for the shout out. The girls suck! MONA 4 LYFE

  4. Watching you two be cute in person at Catalyst, seeing you two be cute together online and during your visit, and now this… You’re officially more of a cheer-up and anxiety buster than cat videos. That’s a feat.

  5. I adore every single line…thank you for sharing your incredible cuteness with us!

    PS- I think y’all seriously need your own reality show: “Sweet as a Kitten with a Cupcake Growth on Its Head- The Aerie & Piph Story.”

    PPS- I love your Mom, lol.

  6. This is really incredible. It’s mirroring a lot of what I’ve been going through with my first lesbian relationship… the only difference being that we’re both trans girls.

  7. This is a wonderful post. Sounds like a great time and a great trip. And I agree with Penny, you and your Mom sound very cool!

  8. Super duper adorbs! Also, am I the only one who noticed the Hyperbole and a Half book on the table? Further proof of all the awesome in this post!

  9. Every new cute thing you two write/tweet about each other leaves me with the dopiest face, squealing, “Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee” at my computer… aaah, the FEELS!

  10. I am so insanely jealous, you can’t even begin to imagine. I have followed your blog for a long time and always count on your reviews when I am selling toys, but this was the most awesome thing ever. I wish my husband was open like your boyfriend. Some of my fantasies are never meant to come true.

  11. i am so in love with this story. you’re both so cute. also some of those places sound flippin’ amazing and now i have to plan a trip to san fran with my gf just so we can go to wicked grounds.

  12. Holy wow piph I didn’t know about aerie at all or that you were with someone other than the oft-mentioned boyfriend but this post nearly made me cry it’s so beautiful

  13. I just found this post again and I have legit tears. This is unbearably sweet and so comforting. Thank you so much Piph.

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