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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

    Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

    Review: Dame Kip and Pom

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Porn gems: playful domination & fireside fucking

    A hand caressing the tattooed leg of a person wearing a strap-on: the New York Collective Shilo dildo.

    Queer sex party chronicles: every night a blank slate

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
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  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
  • Random

Hell Yes / Um, No

Things to be excited about, for once, and sex toys that need to be obliterated from the earth.

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BMS Factory Leaf vibrator line, looking very greeeeen.
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Hell Yes: Leaf

November 14, 2011
BMS Factory has not made much of anything that’s too terribly noteworthy. They make locking toy cases, an extensive line of...
Keep Reading
BlissMe vibrators: Mr. Cowboy, Mr. U.K., Mr. Right, Mr. Badboy, and Mr. C.E.O
FeaturesGreatest HitsHell Yes / Um, No

Um, No: BlissMe vibrators with… personalities

May 20, 2015
Whatever could be so offensive about vibrators that look this boring? FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. — BlissMe founder Daniel Mederos says...
Keep Reading
Fun Factory Cobra Libre, looking like a funny car with a weird mouth, getting rained on by droplets of water.
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Hell Yes: Cobra Libre

March 7, 2010
I think Fun Factory is definitely onto something with the Cobra Libre. I’ve been wondering when someone would harness the...
Keep Reading
ChillDil
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Hell Yes: ChillDil (and a plea!)

November 26, 2009
The ChillDil (or if you prefer, there’s a Twitter account), the brainchild of That Toy Chick, is a sleeve for heating and cooling...
Keep Reading
A literal colander full of silicone sex toys shaped like various vegetables and fruit: corn, carrot, eggplant, banana...
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Hell Yes: SelfDelve produce-shaped sex toys

February 16, 2016
These are dildos. Due to the graphic nature of this blog I would normally not need to specify that, but this...
Keep Reading
Three underwear-clad gay dudes advertising Jack's Soda Sex in a Can series.
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Hell Yes: Jack’s Soda Sex in a Can

April 9, 2010
These cuties would like you to drink their sodas, if you know what they mean… heh, heh… Even though my...
Keep Reading
LELO Bo / Tor II cock ring between a person's fingers.
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, NoSex Toy News

LELO’s Bo: cock ring of the future?

October 19, 2008
I just discovered the existence of Bo, a new cock ring from LELO. Get this: it’s rechargeable! Has any company...
Keep Reading
Wobbling Willy, a magenta dildo with a bobble head attached.
FeaturesGreatest HitsHell Yes / Um, No

What, you don’t want a dildo with your boyfriend’s face on it?

March 10, 2019
Why wouldn’t you want this smug bastard smiling at you while you masturbate? He looks like the kind of guy...
Keep Reading
Bleeding Pussy Stroker with Blood Lubricant
"The Industry"BanterFeaturesFeminism's Not a Dirty WordHell Yes / Um, No

Um, No?: Topco’s Fucked line

July 23, 2010
Okay, so, Topco has this new toy line entitled Fucked, and… I’m don’t even know what to think about it....
Keep Reading
Nasstoys Ecstasy Rope, which resembles a blue jelly snake with a vibrator attached, with its packaging.
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Um, No: Ecstasy Rope

November 8, 2010
The Nasstoys Ecstasy Rope is just what you always wanted: a pipe cleaner for your genitals. It is a long...
Keep Reading
Jimmyjane Form 2 vibrator, with two prongs for stimulation.
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Hell Yes: Jimmyjane Form 2

November 7, 2009
Tongs. Chopsticks. Tweezers. I did not know I wanted a sex toy modeled after them. But the Jimmyjane Form 2 is...
Keep Reading
Minna Ola, a smooth slightly curved vibrator with a squeezable handle.
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Hell Yes: Ola

January 14, 2010
There were several new toys unveiled at the Adult Entertainment Expo this year, but Ola is the only one I’ve...
Keep Reading
Pleasure... Mitts. Rubbery gloves with spikes all over, because that's hot.
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Um, No: Pleasure/Love Mitts

June 1, 2012
Do you dream of being the COOLEST LOVER ON THE BLOCK? Do you regularly mistake torture devices for romantic accoutrements? Want...
Keep Reading
Lowe Aurora, a sex toy that provides "low-level laser treatments" to the vulva
FeaturesGreatest HitsHell Yes / Um, No

This sex toy will “rejuvenate” your pitiful vulva for just $850

July 10, 2015
Day by day, second by second, time is destroying your vulva. Your labia are deflating like a sad soufflé. Your vagina...
Keep Reading
Luz de la Riva Parda dildo, a C-shaped dildo made of volcanic ash stone.
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Hell Yes: Luz de la Riva Parda dildo

February 4, 2011
Um. It’s made of volcanic ash stone. It’s $430. It’s Pure Wand-shaped. And it can go in my vagina anytime,...
Keep Reading
Nasstoys' Masturbating Glove. It is fingerless, cream-colored, and COVERED IN SPIKES.
FeaturesGreatest HitsHell Yes / Um, No

Um, No: Masturbating Glove (and everything else Nasstoys makes)

October 22, 2013
I interrupt your regularly-scheduled happiness to bring you perhaps the most innocuously-named stuff of nightmares ever to exist. It is...
Keep Reading
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Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Epiphora's orgasmic getaway giveaway! ($1,500 grand prize, 80+ prizes)

Orgasmic getaway giveaway! ($1,500 grand prize, 80+ prizes)

Porn gems: playful domination & fireside fucking

Movie Night: The Final Member

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