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    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

    Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

    Review: Dame Kip and Pom

    Review: Zumio E

    New York Toy Collective Jack 2-in-1 FTM stroker & packer

    Guest Review: Jack stroker & packer

    Review: OhMyG

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Sex toys on top of wrapping paper.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    The current state of Early to Bed in Chicago, with packing materials amidst dildo displays.

    Dildos in a pandemic: the sex toy industry and COVID-19

    My column in the high school paper, with the headline "Breaking four years of silence." There is a rainbow gradient effect over the image.

    That time I came out to my entire high school

    My logo on top of a glorious sex toy array, on top of a turquoise vulva-esque backdrop.

    Welcome to the NEW Hey Epiphora!

    Supplies for Mirena IUD insertion laid out at the doctor's office, including forceps, lube, gloves, and the Mirena box.

    The (not so) harrowing tale of my IUD insertion

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    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ

Vibrators

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Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Tera Patrick’s Super Charged Magnum

July 31, 2008
I know packaging doesn’t matter, but sometimes I just can’t ignore the hilarity of it. Check out this piece of... Keep Reading
OhMiBod Lovelife Adventure, Smile, Discover, and Cuddle
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Lovelife Adventure, Smile, Discover, and Cuddle

September 30, 2014
OhMiBod is commonly known as the sex toy company that makes music– and app-responsive vibrators, but their Lovelife line is a departure, and a valiant... Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Cry Baby

January 7, 2009
It sounds wrong to say “my Cry Baby is dead.” But it’s true. Now, I did not drop my Cry... Keep Reading
We-Vibe Rave rechargeable app-compatible G-spot vibrator on a reflective table.
Greatest HitsHi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Rave

November 18, 2016
It was 10:15 am, just a bit before I needed to leave for work, when the We-Vibe Rave arrived in the... Keep Reading
Fairy Mini Mini Wand vibrator
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Fairy Mini Mini Wand

October 20, 2009
I always wondered why nobody tried to really shrink the Hitachi Magic Wand. That thing is unwieldy as fuck —... Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: My Secret

April 15, 2008
Last fall, I had an aggravating experience with my bank. When I arrived back home and couldn’t shake my bad... Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: My Mini Miracle Massager

December 7, 2009
It seems that making miniature Hitachi knock-offs is in style. I’ve already found my mini Hitachi knock-off lover — the... Keep Reading
Fun Factory Big Boss G5 rechargeable vibrator on a wooden table.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Big Boss G5

August 16, 2012
The Fun Factory Big Boss is seriously orange. Across the room, day-glo, Manic Panic, atomic, toxic waste orange. Of course,... Keep Reading
Fun Factory Corsar rechargeable vibrator
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Corsar

November 26, 2007
Corsar is my first 100% silicone toy, and I have to say, I am delighted. I’ve heard all the gushing about... Keep Reading
LELO Mona 2 vibrator on a hardwood floor with some kitty feet in the background.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Mona 2

November 12, 2012
It’s kind of ridiculous how much I like my LELO Mona 2. Fuck it, love. It just feels weird to... Keep Reading
Wahl, Hitachi, Rock Box
Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Rock Box

May 21, 2012
Lovehoney sure likes to keep secrets from me. First it was the Sqweel, and now the ominously-named Rock Box, which I... Keep Reading
Fun Factory Volta rechargeable vibrator hanging out in a glass bowl of sea glass.
Greatest HitsHi, I love youPenis ToysSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Volta

November 5, 2018
I’m not the type to chase adventure. Some people hop on roller coasters, travel to far-off lands, skydive out of... Keep Reading
LELO Mia rechargeable bullet vibrator, in some snow.
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Mia (new version)

February 21, 2011
LELO is a sex toy company that listens to people. When consumers loved their uniquely-shaped Gigi, they invented a dildo version named... Keep Reading
Stronic Eins and the best ever tea towel, which reads "MASTURBATION: NO MATTER HOW YOU SAY IT" with a bunch of euphemisms in a circle around it.
DildosHi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Stronic Eins

April 24, 2013
There’s been a lot of pomp and hype surrounding the Fun Factory Stronic line: an alleged 18 months of development, a... Keep Reading
Wahl All-Body Massager vibrator
Adventures in SquirtingHi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Wahl

January 15, 2010
The Wahl is easily lost in the shuffle — usually only mentioned in the same breath as the Hitachi as another once-innocent... Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: MiMi

September 11, 2011
Everyone’s coming out with a cute little rechargeable clitoral stimulator these days. Jimmyjane released the Form 2 and Form 3;... Keep Reading
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