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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

    Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
  • Random
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Mimi

September 11, 2011
Everyone’s coming out with a cute little rechargeable clitoral stimulator these days. Jimmyjane released the Form 2 and Form 3;...
Keep Reading
BanterSunshine & RainbowsToybox ReportsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

Tantus sends me a box of challenges

August 17, 2011
I emailed Tantus last week because someone bought stuff on their site through my affiliate link, but the sale didn’t...
Keep Reading
A lingerie-clad woman holding the Rock 'n' Roll Massager, a leopard-print vibrating make-up case. Essentially.
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Um, No: Rock and Roll Massager

August 4, 2011
This is all so overwhelming. I want to be clever and make you giggle, but… this website, this product… THERE IS...
Keep Reading
Oh hai, I AM ORANGE. The Tantus Ryder on a wooden floor.
Anal ToysSex Toy Reviews

Review: Ryder

July 26, 2011
There is nothing wrong with the Tantus Ryder. This is a butt plug that means business. It does its job...
Keep Reading
Two women licking an enormous black butt plug that looks... smudged.
BanterDirty Videos

Pornfail: Mmm, rubber

July 14, 2011
Girls. I have a serious matter to discuss with you. That rubber thing you are tonguing and eating? It doesn’t...
Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Soraya

July 6, 2011
The world of luxury rabbit vibes is not an expansive one. Fun Factory has some with varying degrees of success;...
Keep Reading
Jollies / LuzArte Jack, Thrust, Mr. Man, and Jollie lying on the floor.
"The Industry"BanterFeaturesSex Toy News

Goodbye, Jollies

June 21, 2011
I suspected it was coming when I saw the Jollies toys disappearing from the stores. Everything becoming out of stock....
Keep Reading
NobEssence Allure wooden dildo
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Allure

June 10, 2011
My first wooden dildo was the NobEssence Linger, a meager yet bulbous little thing with a finger hole. The NobEssence Allure is...
Keep Reading
A blister pack of four sample sizes of stimulating creams, called "Me So Horny Cream," "Anal Eaze," "Moist," and "Sure Grip." At least they're sample sizes?
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Um, No: Make Her Slap You Kit

May 24, 2011
This is the most epic recipe for failure ever. Pipedream’s Turn Her On Kit: For the perfect encounter. Everything you...
Keep Reading
Old sex toy box from above.
BanterToybox ReportsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

Once upon a time…

May 13, 2011
…my sex toy collection fit in one toybox (and my photography skillz sucked). This photo was taken on September 6th,...
Keep Reading
BanterDisingenuous AssholesWhine Time

Want to harass people and get away with it? Join Formspring

May 10, 2011
A while back, the craze of Formspring.me caught on within the sex blogging community. People were asking each other questions...
Keep Reading
Tantus Goddess silicone vibrating dildo (with my coffee)
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Goddess

May 6, 2011
It was October of 2008, and I had just started a blog that I didn’t know what the fuck to...
Keep Reading
Collage of things you see at HUMP: a big inflatable HUMP sign, a cardboard butthole for people to put their ballots in, and an inclusive sign on the bathroom.
BanterDirty VideosShenanigans

Things seen at an amateur porn film festival

April 27, 2011
Outside the theater, most people are hipsters. Most people are smoking. But the people that stand out are the ones...
Keep Reading
Why why why why why why. A double-ended dildo, in which one side is cream-colored, and the other is chocolate-colored.
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Um, No: Interracial Double Dong

April 19, 2011
Um… Er… How is this even… Why…? So you can express your racial preference… with a friend? No more arguing...
Keep Reading
BanterBlogger LyfeToybox Reports

Legend for my header

April 12, 2011
Yes, my friends! The time has come! No longer will you have to slave away on the internets trying to...
Keep Reading
Standard Glass Spectral Glass Dildo in RAINBOW STRIPE!
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Standard Glass S Curve Spectral Glass Dildo

April 6, 2011
I went through a phase where I had to try every glass dildo that crossed my path. I tried bumpy...
Keep Reading
1 … 24 25 26 27 28 … 48

Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

Jimmyjane Form 5 and Hello Touch X vibrators (plus masking tape labels) next to some fall leaves.

Review: Form 5 + Hello Touch X

We-Vibe Wish rechargeable clitoral vibrator on a small table, next to a clock and necklace.

Review: Wish

Review: OhMyG

Movie Night: The Final Member

The LELO Ella, a white dildo with a flat tip, lying on a dark blue sheet. It is slightly wet.

Review: Ella, and my first ejaculation

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