• About
    • About Epiphora
    • Press
    • My sex blogging course ✨
    • Blogroll
  • Contact
    • Advertising
    • Consulting
  • Subscribe
  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

    Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
  • Random

porn

I like to write about porn. Do you like to watch porn? Go here.

Latest
  • Latest
  • Oldest
  • Random
  • A to Z
Kimberly Kane's face buried between some labia.
FeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #14

July 12, 2012
January 21st, 2012 After a nap with weird dreams, I got up at 10 p.m. and drank a Rockstar. Like...
Keep Reading
Missionary Positions (2005)
FeaturesMovie Night

Movie Night: Missionary Positions

June 7, 2012
Missionary Positions is a documentary from 2005 about a quaint pair of minister dudes, Craig and Mike, who had a...
Keep Reading
BanterDirty Videos

Pornfail: Pussy painting

May 3, 2012
Have you been jonesing for a deep look into the female psyche? Then What Girls Like is the porno for...
Keep Reading
DVD cover of Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Advanced Anal Sex, porn film directed by Tristan Taormino
PornSex Toy Reviews

Review: Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Advanced Anal Sex

March 8, 2012
Tristan Taormino is obsessed with the butt. This is a known fact. But somehow it’s been four years since her original...
Keep Reading
BanterDirty VideosDisingenuous AssholesDon't Trust the Headlines

The latest threat to our daughters: James Deen, a respectful porn star

February 13, 2012
BREAKING NEWS, everyone. LISTEN CLOSELY, especially if you are raising innocent little girls. I’ve just learned that James Deen, my/your favorite...
Keep Reading
A woman giving the most uninspired handjob to a guy who is getting fucked by another guy.
FeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #13

January 12, 2012
February 3rd, 2011 Tonight I found one of my favorite male pornstars, Danny Wylde, on cam. When he saw my...
Keep Reading
Dylan Ryan on top of Danny Wylde on a bed.
BanterDirty VideosFeaturesJack-off JournalPornSex Toy Reviews

5 reasons you need to buy the Dylan + Danny scene on the Smitten Kitten

December 19, 2011
I mean, we all know that Dylan Ryan and Danny Wylde are hot. And that Tristan Taormino has an amazing...
Keep Reading
DVD cover of Rough Sex 3: Adrianna's Dangerous Mind, porn film directed by Tristan Taormino
PornSex Toy Reviews

Review: Rough Sex 3

October 19, 2011
This may be the right time to admit that I don’t find Adrianna Nicole’s face terribly attractive. However, her body...
Keep Reading
It's exactly what you'd expect. A DVD in the mail in a sleeve.
BanterDirty VideosPornSex Toy Reviews

The Netflix of porn

October 10, 2011
I’m finally at a point where I can shell out the cash for a monthly porn DVD subscription. THIS IS...
Keep Reading
Two women licking an enormous black butt plug that looks... smudged.
BanterDirty Videos

Pornfail: Mmm, rubber

July 14, 2011
Girls. I have a serious matter to discuss with you. That rubber thing you are tonguing and eating? It doesn’t...
Keep Reading
Collage of things you see at HUMP: a big inflatable HUMP sign, a cardboard butthole for people to put their ballots in, and an inclusive sign on the bathroom.
BanterDirty VideosShenanigans

Things seen at an amateur porn film festival

April 27, 2011
Outside the theater, most people are hipsters. Most people are smoking. But the people that stand out are the ones...
Keep Reading
DVD cover of Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Female Orgasms, porn film directed by Tristan Taormino
PornSex Toy Reviews

Review: Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Female Orgasms

February 16, 2011
Tristan Taormino does incredibly important work with her Expert Guide series of porn movies. So many “how-to” movies are yawn-inducing, but...
Keep Reading
Video camera pointed directly at you, ominously.
BanterDirty VideosDisingenuous AssholesFeminism's Not a Dirty Word

Porn, degradation, and Khan Tusion

February 7, 2011
When people talk about degradation in porn, they usually don’t know what they’re talking about. The majority of porn is...
Keep Reading
Pretty girls making out in the backseat of a convertible.
FeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #12

January 24, 2011
October 1st, 2010 WHY WHY WHY WHY: WHY WHY WHY WHY. November 13th, 2010 I took a break from playing...
Keep Reading
Tristan Taormino lecturing at a university. Strangely, the room seems not to have exploded the moment she opened her mouth?
BanterDisingenuous AssholesWhine Time

Tristan Taormino and the hypocrisy of OSU

January 20, 2011
Yesterday I woke up to a very sad press release in my inbox. It announced that Tristan Taormino, sex educator...
Keep Reading
DVD cover of Rough Sex 2, porn film directed by Tristan Taormino
PornSex Toy Reviews

Review: Rough Sex 2

October 18, 2010
Tristan Taormino has upped the ante. After the greatness that was Rough Sex, she has created a sequel that is...
Keep Reading
1 2 3 4 … 6

Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

The Eroscillator standing proudly on a table, with the Ultra Soft Fingertip attachment (marshmallow) on it.

Review: Eroscillator

Lovehoney Flash USB rechargeable vibrator on top of a dictionary, open to the definition of "buzzy."

Review: Flash

Fun Factory Volta rechargeable vibrator hanging out in a glass bowl of sea glass.

Review: Volta

Me holding the Diva Cup silicone menstrual cup, with appropriately blood-colored polish on my fingernails.

Review: Diva Cup

Movie Night: The Final Member

Blog sponsors

Your ad here footer

Tescort.com  ·  Wholesale Sex Toys  ·  Best Sex Dolls  ·  Best Sex Doll Torso at Idolsdoll.com  ·  sexy toy factory  ·  Wholesale Silicone Sex Toys & Custom Sex Dolls

Hey Epiphora logo
  • About
  • Contact
  • Advertise with me
  • Consulting
  • Sex Blogging Course
  • Accessibility & Privacy
  • Subscribe
© Hey Epiphora. Don't steal. Ask if you're not sure. [Accessibility & Privacy Policy.]
  • Latest posts 📝
    • Reviews
    • Guides
    • Banter
  • New here? 🧐
    • Get directions!
    • Browse greatest hits
    • Browse tags & categories
  • All-time fave toys ✨
  • Toybox 🍆
  • Sales + fave retailers 💸
    • Epiphora-approved sex toy shops
    • Sex toy sales, deals, and promos
    • Epiphora-approved porn
  • FAQ 🔎
  • About 🌈
    • About Epiphora
    • Press
    • My sex blogging course
    • Blogroll
  • Contact 💌
    • Contact
    • Advertising
    • Consulting
  • Random 🌀
Subscribe & support 💌
  • Subscribe
Start typing to see results or hit ESC to close
snark level: highvibrator reviewssquirting
See all results

Dildos in your inbox.

Join over 18,000 fellow dong worshippers

Unsubscribe whenever you wish.

Score!

You're all signed up to receive updates on my vaginal hijinks. 💌 Thanks, friend!

Dildos in your inbox.