May 172014

Fucking Sculptures G-Spoon large glass dildoI promptly asked for the biggest size available, because of course I did. That was my mistake.

The dildo comes, of course, in other sizes manageable to the average vagina, but mine is not the average vagina. I use my vaginal distinction as justification for choosing THE HUGEST OF THE HUGE at all times. Sometimes to my glory, sometimes to my detriment.

The detriment is not, as you might assume, because it is too large to insert. Oh, that’s a breeze — 1.75″ in diameter of solid glass? No big deal. The detriment is that the G-Spoon is too damn heavy. My vagina feels weighed down, giving me the sneaking suspicion that the dildo is trying to dump my body at the bottom of the ocean, à la Dexter.

I should’ve known better, but I didn’t.

The Fucking Sculptures G-Spoon is made of soda lime glass, which is heavier than the borosilicate used for most mass-produced glass dildos. Soda lime isn’t bothersome on smaller pieces, like the Candy-Colored Glass Dildo, but with the large version of the G-Spoon, the sensation that overrides all others is one of weight. And I… can’t get past it.

Undoubtedly, this is one of the most gorgeous toys I own. It looks like one of those vintage distressed tables you’d see on Pinterest. It has crevasses down its length that collect vag juice like a mofo — and require toothbrush clean-up. If you are highly motivated you could probably turn this dildo into a luge for squirt. (Porn producers, take note.)

Fucking Sculptures G-Spoon large glass dildoWith my particular G-Spoon, the large side is the only usable one because the smaller side is too blunt. Maybe I’m being neurotic, but for $150 I can only insert like 4 1/2 inches out of a foot, which feels like a waste. Or maybe it only does because the stimulation is not awesome.

See, I wanted the G-Spoon to be like a glass version of the NobEssence Seduction. The idea seemed reasonable… at one point. But with this kind of weight, any G-spot stimulation is drowned out. And that bulge on the underside? My vagina does not agree with it.

I kept giving the G-Spoon the benefit of the doubt. Multiple benefits of the doubt, many more than I usually give, because who DOESN’T love Fucking Sculptures? I kept thinking maybe my vagina’s being ornery today. But no, the shape just does not feel good to me.

I like some weight in my butt. I know that. But in my vag, I guess not. Not this much of it. And not in this shape.

No disrespect to Fucking Sculptures. They’re wonderful, sweet, and have their heads on straight. Any company that just outright names themselves Fucking Sculptures, giving the finger to every coy sex toy company ever, can’t be bad. Any company that makes all of their toys by hand, in a non-porous and gorgeous material, can’t be bad.

But I’ve learned a valuable lesson here: I will never be done learning from my vagina. It will continue to surprise me with both what it can handle, what it can’t handle, and all the nuances it can discern. I may never be able to just look at something and know, with certainty, whether I will like it. A depressing thought indeed.

Each Fucking Sculptures piece is handmade, so they differ from dildo to dildo. Factor weight into your decision the way I didn’t, and you should be fine. Really, I’ve heard the medium version of this toy is great.

The G-Spoon is available at SheVibe and Early to Bed.
Find more Fucking Sculptures pieces at SheVibe.

  • Emma

    “you could probably turn this dildo into a luge for squirt.” DAMMIT you made me laugh and spit out my last red gummy bear. Not happy but I will get through this.

    Also this dildo looks like an antique, like something I’d find in a Cracker Barrel store. Unfortunately, I usually limit my Cracker Barrel experiences to grandparent bonding, so here’s hoping I never see a Fucking Sculpture while hanging out with my boyfriend’s abulita.

  • Camryn Jones

    Wow, now I’m really glad I got a Corkscrew and a Two-Cumber. I figured the G-Spoon might not be the easiest thing to insert and I didn’t want to take that kind of risk in a glass toy.
    It’s so pretty though! Even their white looks nice 🙂

  • What a shame; it’s so pretty! I still want to try something from Fucking Sculptures though…

  • Lunabelle

    I’ve been curious about Fucking Sculptures. I had been looking at G-spoon, Pussywillow or Twocumber, probably going to take G-spoon off the list now. I have the same issue you do with always wanting to order the biggest toy available, debating whether the weight of a large would bother me or not.

  • Missy

    I love the look of this! It’s fucking gorgeous!! I think I would have to go back and get another one in a smaller size. Maybe that would work better for you. But that is a hefty price tag…

  • Zee

    I have a two cumber, and I absolutely love it. Cannot recommend it enough.

  • wrenna

    I have a small Corkscrew and not only is it a Fucking Sculpture, it feels fucking amazing when I give it a twist.

  • I appreciate these reviews as much as the whole-heartedly enthusiastic ones or the hilariously spiteful ones. Keeping your blog relentlessly honest about what works for you even when you love the company but hate the product or vice versa is what causes readers like me to trust you opinion, regardless of whether or not we end up sharing it. Everyone’s been so excited about Fucking Sculptures that I can see how this post might have been difficult to write, but it’s these reviews that separate the great blogs from the “okay-ish” ones IMO.

  • This was a difficult one, but comments like this make it all worth it!

  • Stabbin Robots

    I really, REALLY want to see a squirt luge.

  • s. ursula

    i held one of these at the Smitten Kitten and i was kind of surprised to hear they were made of glass because they look and feel like stone. i was also a bit disappointed, since i haven’t seen many stone dildos at all, which is a shame because i like the idea of them. 🙁

  • Conall Harrison

    Wow…….. That one is completely looking awesome! I have found complete feature of G – Spoon from this post. It’s truly revolutionary product in Adult toy industry.

  • pandapacket

    i’ve been so interested in using the g-spoon but i was always a little weary. This pretty much told me everything i need to know and you pointed me in the direction of the nobessence seduction which has quickly become a favourite.

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