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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

    Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
  • Random
Dee Lee Doo wooden dildos
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: a sex toy belt and a vibe that shoots water at your clit

December 4, 2013
Crowdfunding. Again. Always and forever. This time for wooden dildos, which, if you ask the creator, may just be the...
Keep Reading
Hitachi Magic Wand Original and its box, on a hardwood floor.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: (Hitachi) Magic Wand Original

December 3, 2013
I finally get the Hitachi. I am now old and my vulva is grizzled, and I have come to a...
Keep Reading
Graphic showing the sex toys with great deals this Black Friday and Cyber Monday.
Announcements

Sex toy Black Friday + Cyber Monday sales!

November 27, 2013
I’m not a big Black Friday person. I like deals, but despise having to make any sort of effort to...
Keep Reading
Me grasping the Jopen VR1 kegel balls, with rainbow-painted nails.
Kegel ExercisersSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: Jopen Vanity VR1

November 18, 2013
The Jopen Vanity VR1 kegel balls have offended my vagina. Deeply. They are supposed to vibrate when squeezed. Oh, in my hand...
Keep Reading
Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.
Greatest HitsGuides

Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

November 15, 2013
If you ask me, sex toys are way better gifts than socks or body wash. Now I may be biased,...
Keep Reading
Lorax, me, and Queerie Bradshaw showing off our special conference manicures on top of some Tantus stickers.
BanterShenanigansTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

I can’t sum up CatalystCon

November 12, 2013
It began in the airport, with my iced coffee in tow, and two war vets grumbling to each other about...
Keep Reading
Massive sex toy giveaway prizes!
Giveaways

5-year blogiversary sex toy giveaway winners!

November 9, 2013
Holy shit. This giveaway. I can’t even. I know I called it “massive” in the title, but that was before...
Keep Reading
Wake-up Vibe on a pillow case patterned with breakfast foods.
Sex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Wake-Up Vibe

November 5, 2013
The premise alone led me to the Wake-Up Vibe. And the premise drove me away. I only tried it a handful...
Keep Reading
Limited edition tie dye Maverick. My first one was a flesh tone.
"The Industry"BanterFeaturesSex Toy News

Discontinuation alert: Vixen neon dildos

October 29, 2013
I HATE WRITING POSTS LIKE THIS, but you guys deserve to know before it’s too late. These beauties from Vixen...
Keep Reading
That cat is totally enthused about the dildos surrounding him. That's his enthusiasm face.
BanterSunshine & Rainbows

The best birthday presents

October 25, 2013
Today, I am 27. I have come to expect very little from people over the years, but Ashley Manta took...
Keep Reading
Nasstoys' Masturbating Glove. It is fingerless, cream-colored, and COVERED IN SPIKES.
FeaturesGreatest HitsHell Yes / Um, No

Um, No: Masturbating Glove (and everything else Nasstoys makes)

October 22, 2013
I interrupt your regularly-scheduled happiness to bring you perhaps the most innocuously-named stuff of nightmares ever to exist. It is...
Keep Reading
Massive sex toy giveaway prizes!
Giveaways

Massive 5-year blogiversary sex toy giveaway!

October 16, 2013
Five is a good, solid number. And it is now the number of years I have been stuffing things in...
Keep Reading
Tenga Vi-Bo vibrators
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: vibrating orbs and pony tail butt plugs

October 14, 2013
The We-Vibe 4 is almost here. It’s smaller than the We-Vibe 3, with a much-improved remote. But it’s only available...
Keep Reading
LELO Ida vibrator in a box of various nail polishes.
Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Ida

October 10, 2013
I think my boyfriend is going to break up with me over the LELO Ida. I can see it in...
Keep Reading
BanterBlogger LyfeGuidesSo You Wanna Be a Sex Blogger

Will Write for Dildos: How and Why Companies and Reviewers Should Work Together

October 5, 2013
For those of you who were unable to attend CatalystCon last weekend, I’m making the panel I was on, “Will...
Keep Reading
The Feminist Porn Book lying on top of my suitcase, with the LELO Mona 2 and some business cards.
Announcements

On my way to CatalystCon West

September 24, 2013
In 15 hours, I will be touching down in Los Angeles for CatalystCon West. Yes, two days early. Shut it....
Keep Reading
1 … 14 15 16 17 18 … 48

Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

Rainbow notebook, bracelets, and keychain.

The Coming Out Interviews, pt. 1: Mom, I’m queer

LELO Ida vibrator in a box of various nail polishes.

Review: Ida

Scare-tactic G-spot headlines complete with stock photos of women and feet.

An abridged guide to decoding horseshit articles about the G-spot

njoy Pure Plugs (medium and large) in a jewelry box with a bunch of gaudy bracelets and rings.

Review: Pure Plugs

Magic Banana kegel exerciser and dildo, surrounded by plastic letters from the Bananagrams game spelling out "EMPOWERMENT."

Review: Magic Banana

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