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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

    Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
  • Random

discontinued

Stuff that has, usually unfortunately, been discontinued by the manufacturer.

A to Z
  • Latest
  • Oldest
  • Random
  • A to Z
DildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Gold Ribbed Love Wand

March 11, 2008
This dildo is dishwasher safe! I find that endlessly amusing. I should preface this review with a few tidbits about...
Keep Reading
Penis ToysSex Toy Reviews

Review: Grip

May 11, 2010
Since falling for the Fleshlight, my boyfriend has had a distinct distaste for strokers that feel — as he puts it...
Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Gyrating Massager

October 20, 2008
When I saw this vibrator in its package for the first time, I gasped. It looked gargantuan. Huge. Dong-like. The...
Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Her Perfect Fit

June 4, 2008
A somewhat bored-looking, lingerie-clad woman stares back at me from her position atop Her Perfect Fit. Three cute icons at...
Keep Reading
BanterSex Toy ReviewsStorageToybox Reports

Review: Illuminating Boudoir Toybox

February 19, 2010
Do you need sex toy storage that could probably withstand a hurricane and also lights up inside? I’ve got a...
Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Illusion Wand Rapture

October 3, 2008
Time for a fact check. Illusion? No, I don’t think I was imagining that thing buzzing manically in my vagina....
Keep Reading
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Isis

July 16, 2010
The Luxotiq Isis is a bit of a goody-goody. It’s sugary pink in color, with smooth, clean, harmless lines. It...
Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Lucky 11

March 3, 2011
The Evolved Lucky 11 is part of Evolved’s “Roulette” line. As such, it has a wheel embedded in its base...
Keep Reading
Jollies Mr. Man blowjob dildo
Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementDildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Mr. Man

June 25, 2009
The Jollies Mr. Man is an understated genius of a dildo. It doesn’t look special from afar, but the hole...
Keep Reading
Penetralia Number 23... and someone guarding.
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Penetralia Number 23

September 10, 2012
The Number 23 is not, as you might think, a psychological thriller starring Jim Carrey, but instead a wooden dildo made by...
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DildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Penetralia Number 66

June 20, 2012
Aside from a handful of super indie manufacturers and some really sad bigwig attempts, wooden sex toys have primarily been the...
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DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Pleasure No. 6

December 5, 2008
It is always exciting to get a new toy from a company I’ve never heard of. Especially when that toy...
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Good Vibes Rippler dildo on concrete.
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Rippler

March 17, 2012
The Pleasure Works Rippler is like what the Tantus Echo wants to be when it grows up. It is a...
Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Royal Wizard

October 9, 2007
The Royal Wizard from California Exotic Novelties has an intriguing shape and an interesting texture; it has a slightly curved head...
Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Sally Seal

February 1, 2008
There’s no denying the cute factor of the Fun Factory Sally Seal. While some people may think animal shaped vibes...
Keep Reading
Je Joue SaSi oral sex toy.
Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: SaSi

June 29, 2010
The Je Joue SaSi is a few years old now, but it’s still often touted as one of the most...
Keep Reading
1 2 3 4

Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

Bottles of Sliquid lined up: Sliquid Sea, Organics Gel, and Sassy.

My favorite lube? Sliquid anything

Afterglow PulseWave vibrator showing off its useless laser light energy.

Review: Afterglow

Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Wahl, Hitachi, Rock Box

Review: Rock Box

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