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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

    Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
  • Random

silicone

Silicone is the premiere soft body-safe sex toy material. It’s the best because it’s non-porous, odorless, and exceedingly easy to clean. But beware of sex toy packaging claiming a toy is 100% silicone, as it may not be. Only trusted companies such as Tantus, Vixen Creations, LELO, Fun Factory, Je Joue, Jimmyjane, and We-Vibe use pure silicone for all their toys.

Latest
  • Latest
  • Oldest
  • Random
  • A to Z
DildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Mustang

October 3, 2011
Oh my god. This thing. You guys. This thing. It is SO GLORIOUS. It’s been nearly a year and a...
Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Mimi

September 11, 2011
Everyone’s coming out with a cute little rechargeable clitoral stimulator these days. Jimmyjane released the Form 2 and Form 3;...
Keep Reading
BanterSunshine & RainbowsToybox ReportsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

Tantus sends me a box of challenges

August 17, 2011
I emailed Tantus last week because someone bought stuff on their site through my affiliate link, but the sale didn’t...
Keep Reading
Oh hai, I AM ORANGE. The Tantus Ryder on a wooden floor.
Anal ToysSex Toy Reviews

Review: Ryder

July 26, 2011
There is nothing wrong with the Tantus Ryder. This is a butt plug that means business. It does its job...
Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Soraya

July 6, 2011
The world of luxury rabbit vibes is not an expansive one. Fun Factory has some with varying degrees of success;...
Keep Reading
Tantus Goddess silicone vibrating dildo (with my coffee)
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Goddess

May 6, 2011
It was October of 2008, and I had just started a blog that I didn’t know what the fuck to...
Keep Reading
Split Dildo chillin' next to my coffee and mug warmer.
DildosGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: Split Dildo

March 21, 2011
The .GIFs did me in. The mesmerizing, neverending .GIFs. I stared at them in a trance, focusing my attention on...
Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Lucky 11

March 3, 2011
The Evolved Lucky 11 is part of Evolved’s “Roulette” line. As such, it has a wheel embedded in its base...
Keep Reading
Ophoria Bliss 8 silicone vibrator on a staircase railing made of old pipes.
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Bliss 8

February 10, 2011
The Ophoria Bliss 8 is not kidding around. It is not joking. It is not pulling your leg, nor is...
Keep Reading
Je Joue Ami kegel ball set
Kegel ExercisersSex Toy Reviews

Review: Ami

February 1, 2011
Je Joue, makers of the failtastic SaSi, attempt to make vag balls! In my head, that is the slogan for...
Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Vanity by Jopen Vr9

January 21, 2011
This vibrator is not purple. It is fuchsia. Let it be known. Despite every product photo ever depicting it as a...
Keep Reading
All hail the Vibratex Mystic Wand! On a desk next to a cute container of colorful sharpie pens.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Mystic Wand

January 12, 2011
The Vibratex Mystic Wand is a damn good sex toy. No caveats, no horror stories. It just gets things right....
Keep Reading
Nomi Tang Getaway Wild, LELO Ella, LELO Gigi.
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Getaway Wild

December 29, 2010
Those who remember the wrath I unleashed on the Nomi Tang Better than Chocolate may be surprised that I was...
Keep Reading
Nexus G-Rider vibrating butt plug
Anal ToysSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: G-Rider

December 16, 2010
I’m just going to have to admit defeat with this one. The Nexus G-Rider is too much for my butt....
Keep Reading
LELO Isla on red satin.
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Isla

December 9, 2010
The LELO Isla is one of three toys in LELO’s new Insignia line. These toys are characterized by cut-out handles...
Keep Reading
Jimmyjane Form 3 rechargeable vibrator
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Form 3

November 15, 2010
Bless Jimmyjane’s little hearts; they really are trying. They’re trying so hard to create innovative toys, but they keep promising...
Keep Reading
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Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

We-Vibe Rave rechargeable app-compatible G-spot vibrator on a reflective table.

Review: Rave

The pinnacle of relief

Pop Shot: Beer Lube

Sex toy temporary tattoos and the lengths we go through to photograph them. Photo by Kate Sinclaire.

Together, we form one fully functional human

Black LELO Ora (original), blue LELO Ora 2 on a hardwood floor.

Review: Ora 2

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