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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

    Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
  • Random

We-Vibe

We-Vibe is a rechargeable vibrator manufacturer most known for their flagship vibe that can be worn during penetrative sex. I’m a fan of their clitoral vibes Touch X and Tango X, versatile G-spottin’ Rave, and ergonomic rabbit Nova. (I like to pretend the Gala and Wish never happened.)

Random
  • Latest
  • Oldest
  • Random
  • A to Z
Best & Worst Sex Toys of the YearGuides

Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2016

December 31, 2016
2016 has been a trying, infuriating, exhausting year, and it seems trivial to jump straight to sex toys without acknowledging...
Keep Reading
4-year blogiversary giveaway sex toy prizes
Giveaways

4-year blogiversary giveaway winners

October 29, 2012
Wow. I’m about 99% certain my 4-year blogiversary giveaway was the most successful giveaway in the history of this blog....
Keep Reading
Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterGreatest HitsGuides

Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

May 10, 2016
Perusing the sex toy exhibitor booths at AVN, turning on and off strange vibrators from no-name companies, one word kept...
Keep Reading
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: menstrual cups and “cyclonic vibrations”

September 24, 2017
FUN FACTORY IS MAKING MENSTRUAL CUPS. YES, THIS DESERVES ALL CAPS. They’re called the Fun Cups. I have used them...
Keep Reading
4-year blogiversary giveaway sex toy prizes
Giveaways

4-year blogiversary giveaway — 15 prizes!

October 3, 2012
Four motherfuckin’ years, my friends. That’s how long this blog has been chugging along. If you know me at all,...
Keep Reading
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: masturbation polish & the rechargeable craze

March 10, 2017
WE-VIBE HAS A NEW TOY OUT AND I’M SCREAMING ABOUT IT. It’s a squishy, oversized bugger called Wish that’s packed with...
Keep Reading
Sex toy giveaway, featuring the njoy Pure Wand, We-Vibe Tango, and Sliquid lube
Giveaways

Giveaway: win sex toys for you and a friend!

August 17, 2018
Did you hear? I’ve partnered with one of my newest affiliates, Spectrum Boutique, to spoil you AND a friend with...
Keep Reading
Sex toys getting me through the pandemic
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterDildosGreatest HitsGuidesHi, I love youLube etc.Sex Toy ReviewsSunshine & RainbowsVibrators

Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

March 16, 2022
The pandemic has been a whole new time of giving-zero-fucks, and for me that’s looked like a sort of survivalist...
Keep Reading
Tenga Iroha line
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: squirting dildos and flapping tongues for your dick

March 22, 2016
Vixen has released a peculiar dildo called the VixenAire Mustang. It inflates when you apply pressure to the base. I...
Keep Reading
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: thrustin’, suckin’, and lube dispensin’

January 10, 2018
Most important news first, y’all: Fun Factory’s Stronic G is a REVELATION. Like the other Stronics, this toy thrusts all...
Keep Reading
Crave Duet Flex vibrators
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: crowdsourced vibration patterns and a heavy-duty Doxy

April 27, 2015
Crave is crowdfunding for their next two vibrators, the Flex and Duet Flex. Backers will have access to an online...
Keep Reading
Best & Worst Sex Toys of the YearGuides

Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2017

December 31, 2017
2017 was a landmark year for this old blog. I commemorated an entire decade of blogging about sex toys, got...
Keep Reading
Best & Worst Sex Toys of the YearGuides

Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2014

December 30, 2014
Oh hey, remember 2014? It was the year I was a guest on Sex Out Loud Radio, I taught a...
Keep Reading
Two Fleshlights (with vulvas) side by side, with a vibe on each clit.
Guides

Buzzy vs. rumbly vibrators: SEE & DISCERN the difference!

January 13, 2018
“Buzzy” and “rumbly” are words you’re bound to encounter if you spend any time in sex toy circles. These words,...
Keep Reading
We-Vibe Gala on a bookshelf.
Sex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Gala

March 20, 2018
My clit is a pretty sensitive creature. You’re going to need to know this going in. Take notes for the...
Keep Reading
Jopen Key line vibrators
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: watery inserts and “glass-like” materials

October 19, 2012
Aneros announced the release of their “first female product,” Evi. Despite the problematic nature of that phrase, I still want...
Keep Reading
1 2 3

Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

Wobbling Willy, a magenta dildo with a bobble head attached.

What, you don’t want a dildo with your boyfriend’s face on it?

The LELO Ella, a white dildo with a flat tip, lying on a dark blue sheet. It is slightly wet.

Review: Ella, and my first ejaculation

Clandestine Devices Mimic vibrator on an ancient-looking egg scale. The cons outweigh the pros.

Anatomy of a negative sex toy review (or: the Mimic)

Nasstoys' Masturbating Glove. It is fingerless, cream-colored, and COVERED IN SPIKES.

Um, No: Masturbating Glove (and everything else Nasstoys makes)

Pop Shot: Beer Lube

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