Aug 162012

[My new Big Boss G5, with much-improved buttons. Sadly, it no longer comes in orange.]

The Fun Factory Big Boss is seriously orange. Across the room, day-glo, Manic Panic, atomic, toxic waste orange. Of course, that was a big reason I wanted it. I love that Fun Factory d-d-d-does have the guts to make their toys in off-beat, unpopular colors. But it was the combination of the orange + the girth + the G-spotting head that really called out to me.

Yes, the Big Boss is also a vibrator, but vibrations never “call out to me,” likely because I can’t feel them through the internet (OH MAN WHAT IF?). I acquired the Big Boss assuming I’d prefer it with the vibrations off. Internal vibrations don’t do much for me; they usually just detract from the sensation of thrusting against my G-spot. I am a big proponent of the dildo. I am a dong worshipper.

So I didn’t expect the Big Boss to have such deep vibrations that I actually like them inside me, pulsing against my G-spot in a most glorious way.

Unlike many luxury silicone vibrators from the likes of LELO, Je Joue, and Jimmyjane, the Big Boss does not skimp on the silicone. It is not a thin layer of silky smoothness wrapped around a rock hard core. It is plush; it has give. However, I hate the texture of Fun Factory’s silicone and always have. Their silicone is extremely matte and causes a ton of drag during use. The Big Boss is just not easy to insert, remove, or manipulate unless you feed it a steady regimen of lube. Of course, its sizeable 1 3/4″ girth doesn’t help matters.

Once I can push past those shenanigans, though, and once I’m drowning in a sea of lube, I can appreciate how the Big Boss’s vibrations differ from the expected type. They are strong, rumbly, immense. They emanate, resonate from within the body of the toy, rather than rattling at the surface. Because of this, they don’t numb or buzz my vagina to death the way most internal vibes do.

Honestly, I can’t remember ever feeling internal vibrations and thinking, “oh yeah, that’s the stuff,” until this. The first setting alone leaves me quaking in my boots. It just gets more insane from there.

Fun Factory Big Boss G4 with old style buttons and matching cat

Fun Factory Big Boss G4 with old style buttons and matching cat

Unfortunately for my fingers, the vibrations cannot be reined in. Like, at all. They translate all the way down the shaft, all the way into the plastic handle, creating a jiggling mess. So unless you can corral a friend to hold the Big Boss for you, there will be a point at which the epic vibrations are not worth the annoyance of grasping the handle anymore.

This is not a toy for those slow sessions where you have the house to yourself and want to just gorge on porn all day. I tend to use the Big Boss as a dildo at first, getting my G-spot into it, then ramp things up with the first vibration setting. I only turn the vibrations way up when I’m about to come.

And the orgasm is good. Because I can feel my vagina, and I can feel the G-spot stimulation, and it is intense — but not numbing and weird.

Another thing about that: if you plan to achieve clitoral orgasm with the Big Boss turned on, be sure your clit toy isn’t wimpy. I’m talking something like the Wahl. Otherwise you won’t even be able to feel it amidst all the racket going on in your vag. And while you might be tempted to use the Big Boss itself as a clitoral toy, I wouldn’t — it’s too huge, and the vibrations are not surface-level enough to be satisfying.

When the Big Boss is turned off, it does this weird thing where the handle starts glowing whenever I touch it, as though it’s a sentient being. If I were a coy reviewer, I’d say something here about how it sexily beckons to me and how I’d be this Boss’s naughty secretary any day. Instead I’ll just say that if your vagina likes vibrations, girth, and the color orange, the Big Boss is the antidote to what ails you. Toxic waste it is not.

Oh, and I guess it comes in black or something? Whatever. ORANGE. ANARANJADO, BITCHES.

See the Big Boss in action in the video here.

Thanks, She Bop!

She Bop: a female friendly sex toy boutique for every body

  • Yesssssss. I have been waiting ages for this review. It’s ORANGE (my favorite color!) and it works! PERFECT. Excuse me while I beg my boyfriend to get this for me for my upcoming birthday.

  • Anaranjado, bitches. Best sign-off ever!

  • I often wonder if purple is so damn popular just because it’s the only non-pink option available so much of the time, and when there are other colour options, everything people have already is purple, and OBVIOUSLY things have to match, so they get more purple. (No really, you’d be amazed how many people I meet whose sextoys all have to match in colour.)

  • I like this theory.

  • I tend to favour black. Or silver glitter. Or my skintone. Or bats. Always bats. Bats trump all things always.

    Seriously though, that’s the best thing I can come up with. Also white is THE WORST colour for a dildo you’re gonna use anally.

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  • Frankie

    I like the bonus kitty feet in the picture. Also plush silicone for the win 🙂

  • Dulcina Garcia

    Well said..I am exactly looking for the same post that I have got at your blog, I am not sure if someone can let me know, is their any way to book Escort Barcelona or may be one in Escort Madrid, please help

  • I’ve been thinking about this one for some time. I think it’s going on my need-to-have-it-pretty-soon list.

  • sandy

    I agree a white dildo used anally would really be a big turnoff for me

  • Remember when I said that? Yeah. It’s here now.

  • Dun dun DUN.

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  • Destiny Cat

    it looks so…satisfying

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  • bsara100

    This is my favorite post from this year. Deep, yet not overwhelming vibrations make me think this toy should be on my wish list for Christmas this year.

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