Dec 152014
 

Black LELO Ora (original), blue LELO Ora 2I wish the entirety of this review could just be the word no. Not even repeated for emphasis, not even in all caps. Just a single, lonely, plaintive no.

I am bored by how predictably mediocre the LELO Ora 2 is. When the press release called the Ora “the world’s most sophisticated oral sex simulator,” I didn’t fly into a rage — I just sighed.

Granted, Je Joue is acting like their SaSi — the actual first oral sex toy — never happened. Like they 86’d it and buried it ten miles out of town. Which works for me, because the SaSi sucked. But that doesn’t mean LELO gets to swoop in and snatch the credit.

Also, when you have to push the second generation of a toy within a year of its initial release, maybe re-think your testing process? Everyone on earth could have told you that the rolly ball on the original Ora didn’t protrude enough. I suffered through that toy, and I can confirm: it was like a ladybug crawling gingerly across my clit. It was like oral sex for someone who just arrived on this planet. At any given moment using it, I could not tell you where the rolly ball was. My orgasms were tortured; one time afterward, I instant messaged a friend: “I’m offended by the lack of pleasure I just experienced. It barely qualifies as an orgasm.”

In the draft of my review I wrote, among other burns,

Someone come take it from me, take it away, take it far far away. I don’t want to look at it, remember it, or experience it anymore. It has been a waste of my clit’s time and I want to block it from my memory.

The Ora 2 is an improvement because I can feel the rolly ball now. I can feel the thing that was promised to us initially. This is no real cause for celebration. The original Ora was worse than the Je Joue SaSi (which was released in 2008), and the Ora 2 is about on par with it — better in some ways, worse in others. There are no huge leaps and bounds being made here.

The original LELO Ora being uselessThe shape and size of this toy make no earthly sense to me. I don’t understand the hole in the middle, and never have. The toy itself is enormous (3″ in diameter) and takes up most of my vulva. I consider myself a very good masturbation multi-tasker, yet I still have trouble holding Ora in the right place while thrusting anything in my vag. Those with more buried clits will likely find it impossible to use Ora without manually spreading their labia to make way for it.

And don’t even try using Ora with an internal vibrator; the movement of the rolly ball will be very much diminished.

The Ora 2 has ten settings. Several are ball movement only (either a complete circle or a portion of one), and several are a mixture of movement and pulsation, which leaves only a couple that aren’t completely useless to me. Like, I am offended by the insinuation that a person with a vulva could come on some of these settings. The ball movement, even on the second generation version, is way too gentle. Any orgasm derived from this toy can be attributed almost entirely to the vibration — not the ball.

So, I’m only willing to chase an orgasm on one setting of this toy — full circle with steady vibration. The chances of my orgasm being ruined are high enough without suffering through one of the other modes.

I would be remiss not to admit that I’ve had a few good times with the Ora 2. On The Only Worthwhile Setting, turned up to “turbo” so the rolly ball’s circle is sort of fast, with the toy positioned just right and no attempts at thrusting anything in my vag, it feels good. The rolly ball maneuvers over my clit in a subtle but pleasurable fashion. With the vibration egging me on, I can come pretty easily.

But for $189? Nope. $189 should buy you refinement, and the Ora 2 is not refined. Sure, it’s rechargeable, waterproof, and made with quality silicone, but it’s such an awkward toy to use. Aside from its bumbling size, the buttons face away from me and the charging port is right by the part that I jam up into my vulva. Because that makes sense.

Can we also talk, again, about the Insignia line as a whole? About this silver plastic shit with a crevasse that is just perfect for vag juices? About how I gave up on ever Photoshopping every bit of my vag gunk out of these photos? LELO still uses this “design” for some of their toys! I don’t know why! I’m not so much concerned about seeing residue on my own toys, because I don’t give a fuck, but it becomes a problem when I pull this toy out to show mock in front of my friends and there’s dried gunk in the crevasse and it makes me look like a goddamn amateur.

LELO’s painful fauxnnovations and upsetting choices in recent years are really starting to worry me. Like Lana Del Rey’s latest album, the company seems to have become too moody and self-aware to be good. They know they can make bombastic claims and their reputation for quality will carry sales — whether those toys ultimately deliver or not. Hey, LELO, stop resting on pretty.

At its best, held correctly and on just the right setting and while holding your breath, the LELO Ora 2 is like a pleasant massage chair for your clit. At its worst, it’s a frustrating, expensive, technological nightmare that makes masturbation harder than it needs to be. A few good orgasms when the stars align are not worth $189.

And if you want oral sex, go find yourself an actual human tongue. No, not a severed one… one attached to a human who can actually respond to your needs and wants, apply pressure where it feels good, create unique movements, and oh yeah — suck. Can we all collectively agree that no sex toy is ever going to be able to do all of that?

The only thing Ora 2 has over a real person is that it vibrates, it doesn’t have a mustache, and you can berate it in disgust without offending it.

Get the LELO Ora 2 at LELO, SheVibe, Pleasure Chest, or Come As You Are (Canada).

  • Kels

    Oh, Lelo. I remember when my naive younger self thought you to be flawless. Three cheers for Mona, long live the Queen!

    (The final sentence was perfection)

  • Vinny

    The one and only good thing about the hole in the center of the Insignia toys is that it helps people with limited mobility in their hands. They’re much easier to hold securely than a toy that can roll or slide out of your hands.

  • This is true. But then you go to clean them…

  • My note on Ora was “Confirmed: Lelo’s attempt at simulating oral sex is a waste of everything. I spent 5 minutes and 4ml of lube on it, which was way more than it deserved.”

  • I too like the hole-in-the-middle, but feel like it could probably be done in a way that would not create the stupid gunk-gutter. Encase the whole damn thing in silicone or something. Have a better transition, like on the Mona. SOMETHING. The hole does make gripping and manoeuvring some things (like the Soraya, which if I’m gonna use a dual-action I’ll go for) better, but yeah- that groove.

  • Deborah Zarett

    It looks rather like their bankers’ cock ring…

  • StarieNite

    What happened to you Lelo….you used to be cool.

  • Rin

    “At its best, held correctly and on just the right setting and while holding your breath, the LELO Ora 2 is like a pleasant massage chair for your clit.”

    Okay, I totally read this in Scotty’s voice. Yaknow, almost as if trying to come with this toy is “like trying to hit a bullet, with a smaller bullet, whilst wearing a blindfold, riding a horse!”

    … please don’t hate me. XD

  • Rin

    I must be weird. I never got any gunk in my Alia’s seam, nor did I ever find it especially hard to clean. Maybe I just found the one Insignia toy that it works on? Either way, it’s nothing to crow about – the MiMi is way stronger, so Alia never sees action any more.

  • Run Amok

    They used to be so reliable… what happened indeed

  • T.J.

    This post has so many burns against the Ora that I think my computer just caught on fire. But beyond that, I just have to ask WHY. I’m super disappointed in LELO, to the point where I’m not even sure I want to buy from Picobong, which makes my favorite sex toy on the planet. I guess I’ll buy the Picobong Moka like I’ve been wanting to, but then I’m done with this company . . . it’s too overwhelming to try and deal with, dammit.

  • The Moka is rad.

  • Tmcaurinus

    You just made me add it to my wishlist. So, not all of the Picobong line is crap?

  • Correct. Anything that takes 2 AAAs is way better than the tiny toys that take just one.

  • Alex

    I was really looking forward to this toy, given all the positive reviews on the Lelo site, but I stupidly forgot to check here first.

    This didn’t do anything for me at all, as I could barely feel the “tongue”. I had to press it so close against myself in order to feel it that it was uncomfortable, and then the vibration, if turned up, pretty much eliminated my ability to feel the nub at all. The Ola 2 can vibrate quite strongly if you turn it all the way up, but not in a targeted way.

    Plus, it’s pretty loud and mechanical-sounding. Total waste of too much money.

    When I tried to post a review on the Lelo site, my one-star review got queued for “review and approval”, which I guess explains why all the reviews on the site are so positive.

  • Asha

    Fun fact, I forgot how to spell your name so I found your blog by typing in vibrator review “technological nightmare” and there this was about three entries down. I remember that phrase in detail because I had thought this thing sounded really interesting and this was the most emphatic of the negative reviews I found. I ended up choosing something else. Now I’m searching for something specific and wanted to look through your other reviews.

  • Hi this is amazing

  • Lola Folana

    This was the biggest mistake I ever bought.What a waste of money for a product that is good for nothing.Keeps you lingering on and on.Painfully,so true.I would have been better off using my finger.I through money away ..I am so pissed at myself.

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