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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

    Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
  • Random

glass

A glorious sex toy material. Seamless, frictionless, and gorgeous. And no, it won’t shatter inside of you unless you’re this woman. My favorite indie glass toy manufacturer is Crystal Delights, but there are other designs from various manufacturers.

Random
  • Latest
  • Oldest
  • Random
  • A to Z
Giveaways

RubyGlass21 dildos winners!

August 2, 2009
My contest for two glorious glass dildos from RubyGlass21 has come to a close, and I was delighted with the...
Keep Reading
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Icicles No. 8

August 6, 2008
The story of the Icicles No. 8 begins with my Gold Ribbed Love Wand — or, as I fondly call...
Keep Reading
Crystal Delights Crystal Twist glass dildo
Giveaways

Shiny twisty swanky glass dildo winner

February 5, 2012
The shiny twisty swanky glass dildo giveaway has concluded, and I must say, it was a roaring success! Not only...
Keep Reading
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Inside Out Spiral Rib Double Dong

November 6, 2008
After a while, all my reviews of glass toys are going to sound the same. “It’s great! A bit pricey,...
Keep Reading
An array of toys lying on a paper towel to dry.
BanterTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

Afterward

March 25, 2011
After a long masturbation session, the kitchen counter usually looks something like this. This was taken in December of 2008,...
Keep Reading
Phallix Cobalt Twister glass dildo
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Cobalt Twister

January 6, 2009
I know, I know, I know. I’m reviewing another glass dildo. What can I say? I just keep finding interesting...
Keep Reading
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Crystal Teaser

November 7, 2008
It’s tiny! A year ago, my vagina would’ve rejoiced in the size of this dildo. But now, I see a...
Keep Reading
Jopen Key Comet G Wand dildo balanced on top of a heart-shaped bowl, courtesy of Alex.
DildosGuest Reviews

Guest Review: Comet G Wand

April 15, 2013
Usually it takes a bit of time for my screaming endorsements to seep into the consciousness of my readers. Especially...
Keep Reading
Standard Glass Spectral Glass Dildo in RAINBOW STRIPE!
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Standard Glass S Curve Spectral Glass Dildo

April 6, 2011
I went through a phase where I had to try every glass dildo that crossed my path. I tried bumpy...
Keep Reading
Crystal Delights Star Delight close-up of the beautiful glacier blue aqua Swarovski crystal in the end.
DildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Star Delight

August 6, 2012
Most sex toys, even the ones I end up loving, require multiple testing sessions before I get a handle on...
Keep Reading
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Lemon Drops glass dildo

March 27, 2009
Despite the grotesque name, I’ve always wanted to try a “juicer”-type glass dildo. I finally got the chance with the...
Keep Reading
Anal ToysSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: Deck the Halls butt plug

January 15, 2009
I’ve been longing to try a glass butt plug for a while now. Which is not to say I’m a...
Keep Reading
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Dr. Laura Berman Ruby

December 29, 2008
While I do own quite a few glass dildos at this juncture, I don’t have any that look quite like...
Keep Reading
The Taffy Tickler Silicone Sweets glass dildo, covered in little orange spikes, standing upright near some pointy green fake grass.
DildosGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: Taffy Tickler Silicone Sweets

June 14, 2009
On the front of the package, a circle of orange spines say, “Try Me.” You feel them; they are glossy,...
Keep Reading
Giveaways

Giveaway: Glass dildos galore!

July 18, 2009
Check out them beauts! Meet the Vortex (top) and Pleasure Wand, two absolutely gorgeous glass dildos sent to me from the generous folks...
Keep Reading
DildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Gold Ribbed Love Wand

March 11, 2008
This dildo is dishwasher safe! I find that endlessly amusing. I should preface this review with a few tidbits about...
Keep Reading
1 2 3

Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

My Celebrator oscillating toothbrush vibrator on a vintage floral patterned surface.

Review: My Celebrator

Pills spilled on an orange surface.

The 2 weeks of my sex life I lost to Zoloft

Silicone dildos standing upright and proud.

My vagina is a black hole: how I learned to love penetration

Screenshot of HealthyStrokes.com and its highly questionable sex ed advice.

Thanks for the mansplanation, but I greatly prefer my vibrator

Shiri Zinn Cupcake vibrator, and the tools to dismantle the patriarchy. (Fork and knife.)

Review: Cupcake

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