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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

    Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

    Review: Dame Kip and Pom

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Porn gems: playful domination & fireside fucking

    A hand caressing the tattooed leg of a person wearing a strap-on: the New York Collective Shilo dildo.

    Queer sex party chronicles: every night a blank slate

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
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  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
  • Random

Topco

Topco is one of the big four sex toy manufacturers, in addition to California Exotic, Doc Johnson, and Pipedream. They make generic things and sometimes really upsetting things.

Latest
  • Latest
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  • A to Z
Tenga Vi-Bo vibrators
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: vibrating orbs and pony tail butt plugs

October 14, 2013
The We-Vibe 4 is almost here. It’s smaller than the We-Vibe 3, with a much-improved remote. But it’s only available...
Keep Reading
Topco U Touch Side vibrator.
Sex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: U Touch Side

July 30, 2013
I’m offended by Topco’s U Touch line. I wasn’t, at first — I was legitimately intrigued and even somewhat optimistic...
Keep Reading
Bendable Vertebrae vibrators: colorful, worm-like vibrators in strange positions... because they have SPINES.
"The Industry"BanterGreatest HitsToybox Reports

Terrible sex toys I used to lust after

July 22, 2013
In 2007 when I started reviewing sex toys, I knew nothing about them. Oh, I knew that jelly was bad in theory,...
Keep Reading
Tenga Iroha vibrators
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: silicone paddles and self-lubricating vibrators

March 29, 2013
Tenga is breaking out of the masturbation sleeve box they’ve created for themselves, and are now making rechargeable vibrators. I...
Keep Reading
Why why why why why why. A double-ended dildo, in which one side is cream-colored, and the other is chocolate-colored.
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Um, No: Interracial Double Dong

April 19, 2011
Um… Er… How is this even… Why…? So you can express your racial preference… with a friend? No more arguing...
Keep Reading
BanterBlogger LyfeToybox Reports

Legend for my header

April 12, 2011
Yes, my friends! The time has come! No longer will you have to slave away on the internets trying to...
Keep Reading
Bleeding Pussy Stroker with Blood Lubricant
"The Industry"BanterFeaturesFeminism's Not a Dirty WordHell Yes / Um, No

Um, No?: Topco’s Fucked line

July 23, 2010
Okay, so, Topco has this new toy line entitled Fucked, and… I’m don’t even know what to think about it....
Keep Reading
Joanna Angel's Whip Vibe, a horrific black spiked shaft with rubbery pink and black tails on the end.
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Um, No: Joanna Angel’s whip vibe

January 24, 2010
OH GOD, NO. DON’T COME ANY CLOSER WITH THAT THING. I KNOW WHAT THAT SHIT FEELS LIKE. I DON’T NEED...
Keep Reading
Topco Dual Pussy and Ass Stroker. Two vaginas, two buttholes.
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Um, No: Dual Pussy & Ass Stroker

October 27, 2009
Acquaint yourself with Carmen Luvana’s pussy, Austyn Moore’s pussy, Carmen Luvana’s ass, and Austyn Moore’s ass. This is, I’m guessing,...
Keep Reading
Lube etc.Sex Toy Reviews

Review: Sex Tarts round-up

October 1, 2009
Flavored lubes notoriously suffer from too-sweet syndrome — and gross-aftertaste syndrome — which is why I am generally skeptical of...
Keep Reading
The Taffy Tickler Silicone Sweets glass dildo, covered in little orange spikes, standing upright near some pointy green fake grass.
DildosGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: Taffy Tickler Silicone Sweets

June 14, 2009
On the front of the package, a circle of orange spines say, “Try Me.” You feel them; they are glossy,...
Keep Reading
April Flores and her pussy
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, NoSex Toy News

More real than usual

December 3, 2008
Ignore the fact that there has not been a product like this until now, friggin’ 2008, because then we can...
Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Gyrating Massager

October 20, 2008
When I saw this vibrator in its package for the first time, I gasped. It looked gargantuan. Huge. Dong-like. The...
Keep Reading
Sarah Palin sex doll
"The Industry"BanterFeaturesFeminism's Not a Dirty WordHell Yes / Um, NoSex Toy News

Sarah Palin in plastic, with orifices

October 13, 2008
Topco has released a Sarah Palin sex doll. When I saw it, my first reaction was to laugh excitedly. Then...
Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Her Perfect Fit

June 4, 2008
A somewhat bored-looking, lingerie-clad woman stares back at me from her position atop Her Perfect Fit. Three cute icons at...
Keep Reading

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Latest posts

Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Epiphora's orgasmic getaway giveaway! ($1,500 grand prize, 80+ prizes)

Orgasmic getaway giveaway! ($1,500 grand prize, 80+ prizes)

Porn gems: playful domination & fireside fucking

Movie Night: The Final Member

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