Jul 012016
 

My Celebrator oscillating toothbrush vibrator

What is life if not a series of attempts at proving arrogant men wrong?

I never wanted to have to review My Celebrator. I’ve known about this vibrator for years; people like to excitedly email me and alert me to its existence, flailing about its supposed oscillation and “low” price of $40. It has happened often enough for me to become sufficiently jaded about it.

So, last year, while sitting in Joan Price’s senior sex workshop at Woodhull, I was sadly unsurprised when a male member of the audience piped up to mention My Celebrator… as an alternative to Joan’s (and my, and a lot of peoples’) beloved Eroscillator.

Because… you know… dudes know these things.

There were at least six sex toy reviewers in attendance, seven if you count Joan, and there was a palpable holding of the breath as we attempted to keep our visceral reactions to ourselves. I actually did the “zipping my lips” hand motion in some sort of ill-fated Hail Mary.

But the guy wouldn’t stop. He insisted that My Celebrator was superior. Joan wasn’t familiar with the toy and therefore had no ammo to combat his ridiculous claims. I felt a rebuttal migrating up my throat.

Then he made a rude comment about the Eroscillator’s cord and how it “gets in the way,” and I could no longer control myself. “The motors aren’t the same,” I blurted. “If you go on Eroscillator’s website, there’s a cross section of their toy versus battery-operated toys. The Eroscillator oscillates; it doesn’t vibrate.”

I wanted to explain that no self-respecting sex shop stocks My Celebrator — FOR A REASON. I wanted to add that its tips are disposable, which is sketchy. But I didn’t want to be That Guy™ at a workshop who has thoughts which he must suddenly and long-windedly share with the room. I didn’t want to derail the discussion further than it had already been derailed.

My opponent had no concept of restraint, though, so he kept yammering. He asserted that the “vibrational” power was the same. Yes, that is the word he used. I remember, because it was so perfect. It was like a caricature. My argument had reached his ears, but he would not allow such folly to infiltrate his brain. It was the best real-life example of mansplaining I’ve ever witnessed.

Before the workshop was even over, I was looking up My Celebrator on Amazon. The time had come. I bought two: one to use and one to dissect.

“What are we celebrating?” my girlfriend asked when My Celebrator came in the mail. Seriously, this thing looks like some janky beauty product you might order from a late night shopping channel. It looks, as one of my followers beautifully pointed out to me, like a pregnancy test. To say it resembles an electric toothbrush would be an insult to electric toothbrushes.

And its construction is laughably poor. The barfy pink bands encircling the toy are loose and can shift in use. It has four design elements that look like buttons and only two of them are actual buttons (???), when all the toy needs is a single button. On low, its noise level is tolerable, but on high it rattles and buzzes like a horde of trapped wasps.

The barfy pink tip is allegedly made of TPU, with a big ol’ seam down the sides. It’s rigid and doesn’t stink, but when I took a match to it, it went up in flames like an untended marshmallow. That doesn’t necessarily mean the material is unsafe, but the toy’s manual disturbingly informs me that its tips “can be used multiple times” and recommends replacing them if they become “rough or scratched.” With what? Clitorises that are secretly knives?

The tips are also sold individually, where they’re marketed as replacements for electric toothbrush heads:1

The pink colour also means that the men in your house won’t grab your toothbrush that easily to add a layer of dried toothpaste to your mouth-hygiene device; it’s obvious that the pink toothbrush is yours!

…cool.

Now here’s the part where I scrunch up my face and admit something: I was half-wrong about My Celebrator. As an obscure battery-operated toy that looks like it was designed by the same person responsible for the clip art in Windows 95, I was so sure that the claims of oscillation would be false and that this toy would be a buzzy, clit-zapping nightmare.

It is fairly buzzy, but dissecting it revealed a standard weighted motor that whacks a little metal arm to create “oscillation.” Basically, it simulates an oscillating motor without actually being one, and the effect is similar: stimulation that feels different than vibration. Which I’ve been known to like. And, even coming from a barfy pink tip, I still like. It whips back and forth in an aggressive yet undeniably pleasurable way.

Without the Eroscillator as a point of reference, I can understand thinking this sort of sensation is the shit. I get it. It’s decent and it feels good, especially the low setting. But the Eroscillator is simply a more dignified, thought-out toy. It’s better than My Celebrator in every aspect except price.

For one, I’m not used to stimulation this pinpoint. Even vibrators I consider pinpoint, like the We-Vibe Touch and Leaf Life, have larger bodies that vibrate other parts of my vulva as I use them. With My Celebrator it feels like only a tiny portion of my external clit is involved in the process, and it’s officially Not Ideal. Want stimulation from something larger than a Q-tip? Only the Eroscillator, with its various attachments, has that option.

The low speed on My Celebrator is a bit more intense than the first setting on my Eroscillator Top Deluxe, and would likely land somewhere around level 2 on the Eroscillator 2 Plus. High on My Celebrator is on par with high on my Eroscillator, but it’s significantly buzzier and much more abrasive.

That’s what ultimately makes the Eroscillator a superior toy: its oscillations are slower, lower-pitched, and thus its stimulation is gentler and deeper. Its movements reverberate through my vulva in a really satisfying way. Every time I use the Eroscillator I’m struck by how welcoming it feels, like being served homemade chicken noodle soup after years of canned stuff. Orgasms with it are also more profound.

My Celebrator feels zippy, more accelerated, and my orgasms with it are average. It has no subtlety between low and high, so good luck if you want to take your time with arousal. My Celebrator is like something you’d find at 7-11 hanging between a box of bandaids and a bottle of aspirin. It works, it’s okay, but it’s overpriced and probably not a sound long-term investment. I’d never choose it over the Eroscillator, or over other vibrators I love.

I wanted to hate it more intensely. I wanted to be able to confidently raise my middle finger to that workshop guy. But in the interest of extreme truth-telling, of authentic reporting, of preserving my sparkling reputation, I cannot say that I do. I have hated things before, oh, many a time, and I know how it feels to have a toy so astronomically fail to bring me pleasure. Those things deserved all the ire I lobbed at them. My Celebrator is not on that level.

It’s more fair to say I hate the concept of My Celebrator. I hate what it stands for; I hate its hideous look and its outdated marketing and the way it makes people doubt the glory of the Eroscillator. I hate everything about it until I touch it to my clit, at which point I have to admit it’s not actually that bad.

You could get My Celebrator as a sort of interim toy, something to tide you over until you can get an Eroscillator. But you could also put that $40 in a piggy bank for a future Eroscillator, which is $109 in its most basic form, or get a cheap yet perfectly passable vibrator. My Celebrator is really only worth it if you prefer very very pinpoint stimulation and want to experience “oscillation.”

It’s a shame I didn’t get the sweet vindication I expected, but I’ve been wrong a couple times before (remember when I told my friends it was impolite to yell “woo” at a strip club?), so I’ll survive. Is My Celebrator as terrible as I thought it would be? No. But as a person who is actually qualified to say so — due to my possession of a clitoris and lengthy history of sex toy testing — it’s no Eroscillator. And that is an indisputable fact.

Get My Celebrator on Amazon or the Eroscillator at SheVibe.

  1. Which, if that’s what you want, you’d be better off getting the Tingle Tip instead. []
  • FieryRed

    I’m so confused (and angered) by their electric toothbrush marketing. “…to add a layer of dried toothpaste”?? And of course the angering bit about eyeball-burning pink being “obvious[ly]” for women.

    The only thing that seems obvious to me is that buying a nonporous toy once for a higher price is a better deal than buying a cheap, bacteria-harboring toy multiple times.

    Thanks for writing this!

  • Kate

    Out of curiosity, did no one say to the dude, “Well, fine, but tell us how it felt on your clit compared to the Eroscillator?” because shouldn’t that have stopped that conversation?

  • Menolly

    I’ve been waiting for someone to actually do a review comparing the Celebrator and the Eroscillator. Would you say that the Celebrator is more pin point than the Eroscillator, less, or about the same? I’ve owned the My Celebrator for 6 years and positively adore the thing, so I was surprised when I started reading toy reviews and found that just about everyone mocked it. And I’m not a toy nube. I have several higher end toys in my collection (magic wand
    rechargeable, Mona 2, We-vibe touch & tengo, L’Amourose Rosa), but
    other than the Rosa, the Celebrator is the only toy that gets regular
    use. I’ve been eyeing the Eroscillator for a while, but haven’t been able to
    justify spending the money on a toy that appears so similar to the
    Celebrator and has a cord.

  • AceDenise

    I’m very glad I spent the money on an Eroscillator Top Deluxe. I need power and depth, and Celebrator seems like only the low setting would get any use from me. And with Eros I have another 2 higher intensity levels without the buzz. You can get very pinpoint stimulation with the tip of the Seven Pearls Eroscillator attachment, if needed. I also love that the Eros is corded and won’t dwindle or die during use. The whole marketing of the Celebrator annoys the shit out of me too- “it’s obvious the pink one is yours”? Really? What am I, ten years old that everything I own must be pink to mark it as “mine”, simply because I’m a woman? Urgh, and the cheapness of the construction is awful. The Eroscillator is worth the money to me also because I know it will last.

  • AceDenise

    I was wondering the same thing! Did he just buy a few cases of Celebrators and need to sell them or something?

  • AceDenise

    I thought My Celebrator was mocked mainly because it started out as a blatant ripoff of the Eroscillator, I’m not sure of the details but I think there was some legal action involved? Maybe to force enough of a redesign so there was no longer any copyright infringement, and even after that it was still an extremely cheap/poor quality knockoff. And the materials it was made of in the past were porous and possibly toxic? I don’t know the details, maybe someone can correct me on this. I’m pretty sure it’s not toxic these days, but it still isn’t solidly built like the Eroscillator. Sex toy reviewers don’t like it when a company steals another’s great idea and corrupts it to churn out a vastly inferior product, just to make money.

  • AceDenise

    Why do they always have to insist about
    that “cord gets in the way” issue? Of course it can sometimes, sure, but I find the bigger problem is when the cord is too short. “Corded” in a sex toy does not equal “inferior”- to me the cord means that toy has access to a much stronger and more reliable power source than any battery (rechargeable or disposable) could ever provide. And thus it can support a much stronger and potentially superior motor. There’s a reason the original Magic Wand has lasted this long, after all. As a power queen that’s always gonna be my first priority.

  • AceDenise

    It sounds disgusting too…

  • Rachael Uponen

    I’d rather save up for an Eroscillator. I won’t judge anyone for going for this one just because it’s cheaper, but I don’t want to give money to this asshole.

  • sayitwithsarcophilus

    I really like the Eroscillator, but even with the 2 Plus, the non-marshmallow attachments can be a bit uncomfortable if I’m not warmed up. This thing’s “less subtle” oscillations sound potentially painful.

  • Tzipora

    Zippy (well Tzipi) is my nickname. If you won’t dare insult a toothbrush by comparing it to this terribly named toy, please don’t compare it to me. I can promise I’m better for clits than the My celebrator. 😉

    Also, I dont think you mentioned but can you feel the seam when using it? Because when I heard “big ol seam” my clit attempted to flee my vulva in fear.

    And seriously who the fuck thought “my celebrator” was a good name? You gotta wonder how many names they went through and just how awful those were if “my celebrator” was the best they could come up with.

  • Tzipora

    *applauds*
    And while I’m not saying the Hitachi (it will always be Hitachi to me) is sexy but as a woman who sleeps with women I sure as hell would rather pull it out vs this garish pink monstrosity. The Hitachi/ Magic Wand means business. Orgasms will be had. This My Celebrator thing looks like a joke or some kinda practice toothbrush or Barbie accessory for children.

    I’m pretty picturing a sexual envounter where one pulls the pink monstrosity out. “What the hell is that…. thing? You want to put it on my clit?”

  • Tzipora

    That’s a good point too and one of the best points about cordless toys, beyond the power, that they’re never going to just die right at the worst possible time. I’m someone who tends to take longer to get off due to medication and illness (and even on days its not such an issue, I like to take my time and who wants to stop at just one?) It makes me so frustrated and makes me feel a bit broken if I can’t get off before the toy dies. Hooray for cords!

  • Jillian Boyd

    Was that guy a spokesperson for the Celebrator or something? Also, “it’s obvious the pink toothbrush is yours!” – NOEP

  • AceDenise

    If you enjoy the My Celebrator, I would guess you’re likely to love the Eroscillator even more. If you get it through their site they offer a 30 day guarantee, although you will have to pay a disposal fee if you return it. It really is like the difference betweeen a mass produced/processed/frozen food and homemade from scratch. At least if you don’t like the Eroscillator you’re only out the disposal fee- I think it’s around $30. The different attachments offer different sensations, and it will last for years if you take care of it.

  • AceDenise

    I bet the workshop was awesome Joan, I wish I could’ve been there!

  • sayitwithsarcophilus

    I’m trying to decide if this is more or less ridiculous than the iGino. In the iGino’s favor, they really were trying to do something innovative instead of ripping off a popular toy, but the Celebrator sounds a bit more pleasurable and a lot cheaper. Both are pretty silly aesthetically.

  • Trust me, it wouldn’t have.

  • I can’t feel the seam because it runs along the edges, not the part that I touch to my clit.

  • You’d hate it!

  • I know! And the Eroscillator has a 12-foot cord, one of the longest of any corded toy.

  • Funny you mention the iGino, because I pulled it out to compare to My Celebrator in preparation for this review. To my horror, the clit-bullying iGino is WEAKER than My Celebrator. And that’s saying a LOT.

  • My Celebrator is more pinpoint than all of the Eroscillator’s attachments except for the Seven Pearls of the Orient. So if you wanted the same tiny breadth of stimulation, you’d definitely want that attachment.

    My main question for me would be, which settings on My Celebrator do you use, and how often? If you constantly go straight to high, then the Eroscillator might end up feeling too “weak” in comparison. But if you really like the low setting on My Celebrator — and are interested in trying attachments larger than the Celebrator’s tip — then the Eroscillator might be great for you.

  • Katie

    Sigh. Offering opinions about a toy’s effect on the exact parts you don’t have is maybe living a little bit too vicariously.

  • FieryRed

    Given the results of Epiphora’s flame test, Celebrator’s attachments are definitely porous.

  • Alix Silver

    maybe he’s a transman with a vagina.

  • Lunabelle

    He was adamant that he had tried both the Eroscillator and the Celebrator on his arm and they felt the same. He could not be bothered by input from people with actual clitorises, his arm knows best.

  • AceDenise

    Exactly!

  • AceDenise

    Yeah, it’s porous at the very least. I think the materials were even worse in the past though, when the My Celebrator first came out? Now they’re probably not toxic (and I don’t know for sure on that), but definitely porous. I think that in the beginning, they may have been toxic as well but I don’t know that either. What a shitty product either way. I have several cheap plastic toys that are better quality and have better vibrations than the My Celebrator.

  • Absolutely love your writing style… it goes without saying that it’s informative, but to be playful, without crossing the line into immature, is no small feat. Great Job!

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