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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

    Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

    Review: Dame Kip and Pom

    Review: Zumio E

    New York Toy Collective Jack 2-in-1 FTM stroker & packer

    Guest Review: Jack stroker & packer

    Review: OhMyG

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Sex toys on top of wrapping paper.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    The current state of Early to Bed in Chicago, with packing materials amidst dildo displays.

    Dildos in a pandemic: the sex toy industry and COVID-19

    My column in the high school paper, with the headline "Breaking four years of silence." There is a rainbow gradient effect over the image.

    That time I came out to my entire high school

    My logo on top of a glorious sex toy array, on top of a turquoise vulva-esque backdrop.

    Welcome to the NEW Hey Epiphora!

    Supplies for Mirena IUD insertion laid out at the doctor's office, including forceps, lube, gloves, and the Mirena box.

    The (not so) harrowing tale of my IUD insertion

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ

Vibratex

Vibratex has been around since 1983, and you can kinda tell in their designs. They make a lot of rabbit vibrators, particularly the popular Rabbit Habit, but my favorite things they make are the legendary Magic Wand Rechargeable and Mystic Wand.

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The Vibratex Magic Wand Plus corded vibrator dangling in front of a green plant.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: (Hitachi) Magic Wand Plus

January 2, 2020
There are still people making good decisions in this world. The reason I know this is because the Magic Wand... Keep Reading
Graphic of the latest sex toys.
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: inclusive marketing and a vibrator with a butt

February 11, 2019
One of my favorite dildos — which was tragically discontinued years ago — has risen from the dead! Once known... Keep Reading
Best & Worst Sex Toys of the YearGuides

Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2017

December 31, 2017
2017 was a landmark year for this old blog. I commemorated an entire decade of blogging about sex toys, got... Keep Reading
Vibratex Mystic Wand Rechargeable vibrator lying on a tattered cream-colored blanket.
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Mystic Wand Rechargeable

January 28, 2017
It’s a let-down, but not in the “my clit is screaming” way. Not in the “orgasm seems like an impassable river” way,... Keep Reading
Best & Worst Sex Toys of the YearGuides

Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2015

December 31, 2015
What a year 2015 was! I showed my face on the internet and subsequently used it to prank all of you.... Keep Reading
Hitachi Magic Wand Rechargeable vibrator on a zig-zag-patterned rainbow crocheted blanket.
Greatest HitsHi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: (Hitachi) Magic Wand Rechargeable

May 26, 2015
IS THAT A CORDLESS HITACHI????? —everyone on earth whenever I post a photo of the Magic Wand Rechargeable Yes. Yes,... Keep Reading
Vibratex Princessa standing up on a marble table.
April Fool's!Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Video review: Princessa

April 1, 2015
In the past month, I’ve lost the ability to form full sentences. My fingers have forgotten how to type, settling only... Keep Reading
Fucking Sculptures Double Trouble glass dildo
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: uncircumcised packers and questionable marketing choices

April 14, 2014
Vibratex has released a series of rechargeable mini vibes called The Girls. Princessa looks just freakish enough for me to... Keep Reading
Hitachi Magic Wand Original and its box, on a hardwood floor.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: (Hitachi) Magic Wand Original

December 3, 2013
I finally get the Hitachi. I am now old and my vulva is grizzled, and I have come to a... Keep Reading
Vibratex Tulip (aka Buzzing Blossom) among... friends? Hanging out with my Littlest Pet Shop toys from childhood.
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Tulip

April 10, 2013
The Vibratex Tulip is really bizarre. It looks like a rocket ship puking a flower, like some combination of a character... Keep Reading
Epiphora's best sex toys of 2012
Best & Worst Sex Toys of the YearGuides

Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2012

December 20, 2012
Ahhh, yearly traditions! As 2012 comes to a close (how did that happen, though, seriously?!), the time has come for me... Keep Reading
All hail the Vibratex Mystic Wand! On a desk next to a cute container of colorful sharpie pens.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Mystic Wand

January 12, 2011
The Vibratex Mystic Wand is a damn good sex toy. No caveats, no horror stories. It just gets things right.... Keep Reading
The Hitachi Magic Wand
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Hitachi Magic Wand

November 12, 2008
Hello, hello, reigning champ of vibes! Pleased to meet you. I thought I never would, as I was always put... Keep Reading
Penis ToysSex Toy Reviews

Review: Maven masturbation sleeve

November 8, 2008
My boyfriend is very, very attached to his hand. He has perfected his method of masturbation: five minutes or so,... Keep Reading

Fresh tweets

I understand now why Fun Factory often reminds us that their toys are made in Germany. It matters. Now if they cou… https://t.co/pDruQ4Nm9A
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In porn, how often do you think "I'm gonna come!!!!" is code for "I really hope this sex act changes soon"?
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Latest posts

Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

Sex toy Black Friday + Cyber Monday sales!

Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

Review: Dame Kip and Pom

Sex toy survival kits for the apocalypse winners!

Giveaway: sex toy survival kits for the apocalypse

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