Oct 042016
 

Ask Piph

Want to ask me a question? Email me at hey.epiphora [at] gmail [dot] com, or ask here.

Can you squirt with something inside you or do you have to pull it out?

A squirt puddle with the njoy Pure Wand and L'Amourose RosaIn most instances, with most toys, the toy has to be pulled out at the exact right moment, after which the squirt follows. This is especially true with larger toys, or when it’s more of an accidental squirt during a clitoral orgasm — where I’m using a clitoral vibe and stimulating my G-spot, but not trying to ejaculate. There’s a build up of pressure and it feels like removing the dildo is the only way to release it.

However, things are different when I’m on a serious squirt mission. If I’m only using a vaginal toy, thrusting it as quickly as possible in order to squirt, giving it 100%, I don’t always have to pull the toy out. Certain toys, like the Pure Wand, are such extremely good G-spotters (and maybe are small enough?) that the squirt just pours out around them. Without clitoral stimulation, I have to continually stimulate my G-spot, so I’m more apt to keep the toy inserted and thrusting to keep the momentum going — and the squirt flowing. I do still tend to pull it out at particular moments, like near the end of a long gush, but I don’t have to remove it in order to “cause” the ejaculation.

I guess if it’s a single squirt, then I pull the toy out, but if it’s a continual lengthy squirt, I don’t?

What do you consider the worst sex toy review you’ve ever written?

Left to right: Fun Factory Benjamin Bond, Californic Exotic Royal Wizard, Fun Factory G-TwistOh dear god, okay. For the purpose of answering this question, I’m going to define “worst” as “most worthless” — reviews that barely provide any sort of useful information. I’d like to think that I have very few that fall into that category.1 I’ve certainly said some dumb things before (“The drawstring is high tech — you have to hold down a plastic button to pull it open or closed”), and I’ve been awkwardly forced to review toys that broke before I could thoroughly test them, but I’ve always tried my best with my reviews, so even my earliest ones are not completely irrelevant.

I do think I did the world a disservice, though, when I reviewed insertable toys that I couldn’t handle yet, like the Fun Factory Benjamin Bond, the Royal Wizard (one of my first reviews ever), and the Fun Factory G-Twist. The G-Twist review is probably the worst, considering this is all I had to say about its sensation:

I had some issues with using it. And, to be honest, I’m still trying to figure out what’s bothering me. I can’t figure out if it’s the size of the shaft or the ridges on it, but one of them is causing me discomfort. The diameter of the shaft is 1 1/2″, so that’s pushing it for my vagina (one day I’m going to laugh at that sentence… I hope). I just couldn’t bring myself to thrust for very long, as it would become a bit irritating to my vaginal walls.

. . . I’m hoping that, as my vagina gets better at handling girth, I will be able to thrust comfortably with this vibe. I don’t want this to deter anyone just because my vagina isn’t up to the challenge.

Embarrassing, yeah.

I bought my first proper sex toy, the Hitachi Magic Wand, but the vibrations are way too strong, and I find the weight and length really awkward. I end up holding it double-handed like a soup wand. How are you actually meant to use wands? How can I feel sexy using it instead of feeling like I’m trying to use vibrations to bore a hole through my body?

SO MANY WANDSI like this question a lot because it took me YEARS to enjoy the Hitachi. When I first got it, I did not understand it. I even tried it through pajama pants/underwear/with a towel, and still no joy. But over time I learned how and when to use wands, and it completely changed how I felt about them. Now I love them.

First, a caveat: people are different. Take what I say with a grain of salt — it may not be what actually ends up working for you. But here’s what changed for me that helped me understand and enjoy wands:

  • Experience: Years of reviewing sex toys helped me develop more of a “taste” for stronger vibrations.
  • Timing: I generally use wands when I want to get off quickly, not leisurely, because their sheer power is great for that. I don’t tend to use them in my longer masturbation sessions or alongside dildos.
  • Barriers: I’m almost always wearing underwear when I use a wand. Even one layer of material makes it feel a lot less like a rototiller against my junk. Plus, then I don’t have to add any lube and don’t have to clean the toy afterward — perfect for lazy masturbation.
  • Positioning; I brace my forearm against my thigh when holding a wand, to take some of the weight away. No soup-stirring for me!2
  • Stimulation: I don’t like to vibrate my entire vulva, so I make the stimulation more pinpoint by holding the toy at an angle, so that a smaller portion of the head is in contact with my clit.
  • Variety: To avoid going numb from the intensity of the vibrations, I’ll periodically re-position the toy while using it. I don’t just press it against my vulva and leave it there.

You know what, though? Now that you mention it, I don’t feel very sexy using a wand either. Here’s how I think of it: I’m getting the job done. I have the ideal tool for the job, and orgasm is GOING TO HAPPEN. I see it more as an instigator of orgasm than a sensual sort of experience. Wands don’t really understand subtlety or romance. They weren’t even meant to go against genitals in the first place! So, you’re perverting something that was “meant” to be “just” a back massager. That’s fun and empowering in its own way.

I see reviews of anal toys that say “make sure to clean yourself out first,” and like… I can’t exactly time my bowel movements so that I’ll always go right before I use an anal plug. Am I a sick freak for just sticking things in my butt? Do normal people give their butt a good rinse beforehand?

I have no idea what “normal” people do (fuck that word, by the way), but I think it depends on how comfortable people are with poop. Some people want to reduce the chances of it happening as much as humanly possible, hence “cleaning themselves out first.” I think reviews parrot such things because they know that the majority of people venturing into anal play are terrified of the poop factor and need reassurance that it’s gonna be fine. Our job is to ease folks’ minds, after all.

I would agree that the best and easiest way to cut down on poop is to have a good bowel movement before using a plug (or having anal sex), and most of the time that’s my technique as well. I can’t plan a butt plug day for that reason; butt plug days just happen and I take them as they come. Sometimes I’ll make an exception, if I really need to test something, because poop doesn’t bother me that much (although I find that butt plugs stimulate my ass and make me need to poop). A poop smear doesn’t faze me at all, but if it fazes you, by all means take steps to avoid it.

I love my silicone dildos, but they collect lint like a motherfucker. Rubbing with a cloth leads to more lint, and washing leads to a brief period of no lint, but after they dry the lint returns! Do you have any secrets?

Cleaning products and the reason I have to have themAfter I wash my toys, I let them air dry for a bit in a dish rack, then I blot them with shop towels, which are thicker than traditional paper towels and don’t disintegrate or tear nearly as easily. You could also try lint-free cloths, like those made of microfiber.

If I’m about to masturbate and the toy is covered in fuzz, I’ll give it a quick rinse before I use it. When I want to wipe a toy down, usually as I’m taking photos, I’ll use a baby wipe. Kirkland is is the brand of choice at the sex shop where I work because they don’t shed like other brands we’ve tried.

Storage is important, so I suggest keeping your toys in a lint-free zone of some sort (I put mine in plastic storage drawers). You could also slide sandwich bags over them to further protect them from the elements.

At some point, though, you must accept the reality that silicone sex toys are always going to collect lint. It will never completely go away. Even when I’m taking photos of sex toys that I literally JUST washed, tiny hairs and dust particles find their way into my pictures. It’s a never-ending battle… and a never-ending debt to the Spot Removal Tool.

  1. Haterz may disagree, and would probably point to my vendetta against Jimmyjane as evidence. []
  2. It’s also possible to use one hands free if you wedge it between some pillows, if you’re into straddling things or masturbating face down. []
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