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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

    Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

    Review: Dame Kip and Pom

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Porn gems: playful domination & fireside fucking

    A hand caressing the tattooed leg of a person wearing a strap-on: the New York Collective Shilo dildo.

    Queer sex party chronicles: every night a blank slate

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
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  • Toybox
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    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
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NobEssence

NobEssence is a wooden sex toy manufacturer. They make two of my all-time favorite toys, the Seduction dildo (jaw-dropping G-spot stimulation) and the Romp butt plug (probs my favorite butt plug), plus a host of other breathtakingly beautiful pieces.

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Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.
Greatest HitsGuides

Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

November 15, 2013
If you ask me, sex toys are way better gifts than socks or body wash. Now I may be biased,... Keep Reading
NobEssence Seduction in Padauk wood, lying out in the sun.
DildosGuest Reviews

Guest Review: Seduction

August 6, 2013
It’s been three years since I reviewed the NobEssence Seduction (oh my god, I’m OLD), and in that time, my... Keep Reading
LELO Luna Beads Noir kegel balls
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: thrusting toys and blinged-out vibes

November 15, 2012
Dude, Tantus has gone nuts with the new things this month! Not only did they re-design their website (eradicating most... Keep Reading
Best & Worst Sex Toys of the YearGuides

Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2011

December 31, 2011
It’s almost 2012, so you (maybe) know what that means — it’s time for me to list my top and... Keep Reading
NobEssence Allure wooden dildo
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Allure

June 10, 2011
My first wooden dildo was the NobEssence Linger, a meager yet bulbous little thing with a finger hole. The NobEssence Allure is... Keep Reading
BanterBlogger LyfeToybox Reports

Legend for my header

April 12, 2011
Yes, my friends! The time has come! No longer will you have to slave away on the internets trying to... Keep Reading
NobEssence Romp anal plug, lying on a craggy rock in the great outdoors.
Anal ToysGuest Reviews

Guest Review: Romp

March 29, 2011
I am unabashed about my love for the NobEssence Romp. I can’t help it if it’s the best butt plug... Keep Reading
Banter

Purpleheart vs. Cocobolo

August 31, 2010
These kinds of emails are the best to receive: It’s time for another round of awkward question of the day:... Keep Reading
Woodgasm sex toy giveaway: wooden sex toys all lined up.
Giveaways

Woodgasm giveaway winner + a question

June 22, 2010
I had such fun with all of you throughout my Woodgasm giveaway! Especially at the bangin’ Twitter parties! Now that... Keep Reading
Woodgasm sex toy giveaway: wooden sex toys all lined up.
Giveaways

Giveaway: Woodgasm

June 6, 2010
Wooden sex toy manufacturer NobEssence makes some of the most beautiful — and expensive — sex toys out there. And... Keep Reading
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Delve

February 16, 2010
Well, folks, the time has come — I’ve found a NobEssence toy that doesn’t work with my body. But it’s... Keep Reading
Romp butt plug in gorgeous honey-colored Mora wood.
Giveaways

New decade, new butt plug winner!

January 17, 2010
Wow! The response to my New decade, new butt plug giveaway was enormous! Thank you all for commenting, tweeting, blogging,... Keep Reading
Romp butt plug in gorgeous honey-colored Mora wood.
Giveaways

Giveaway: New decade, new butt plug

January 4, 2010
The year is 2010. It’s a new decade, and you’re ready for a change. Your butt plug collection is paltry,... Keep Reading
NobEssence Seduction among some green leaves.
Adventures in SquirtingDildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Seduction

August 14, 2009
The S-shaped NobEssence Seduction looks more like a beautiful decorative sculpture than a dildo. Made of Purpleheart wood and sealed with... Keep Reading
NobEssence Romp on a concrete surface.
Anal ToysHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Romp

June 30, 2009
Accustomed as I am to receiving beautiful and high-quality sex toys in the mail, I usually do not feel my... Keep Reading
Anal ToysDildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Linger

December 7, 2008
On my quest to become a sex toy connoisseur, I am determined to try every phthalate-free material on the market.... Keep Reading

Fresh tweets

Latest posts

Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Epiphora's orgasmic getaway giveaway! ($1,500 grand prize, 80+ prizes)

Orgasmic getaway giveaway! ($1,500 grand prize, 80+ prizes)

Porn gems: playful domination & fireside fucking

Movie Night: The Final Member

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