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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

    Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
  • Random

James Deen

James Deen was once one of my favorite male pornstars, but I no longer support him or his work. Also, the dildos made from his cock really sucked.

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A bunch of dirtied sex toys lying on a paper towel (on which I've scribbled notes).
FeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #17

March 28, 2014
May 17th, 2013 The boyfriend went to the convenience store for beer, and Survivor was downloading at a snails’ pace, so...
Keep Reading
From above shot of my desk littered with the LELO Smart Wand vibrators and many Vixen dildos.
FeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #16

May 21, 2013
January 24th, 2013 I was really excited to watch the latest video from Wolf Hudson’s website, as it starred Kimberly...
Keep Reading
Epiphora's best sex toys of 2012
Best & Worst Sex Toys of the YearGuides

Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2012

December 20, 2012
Ahhh, yearly traditions! As 2012 comes to a close (how did that happen, though, seriously?!), the time has come for me...
Keep Reading
Lily LaBeau looking sexy with her skirt pulled up, sitting on a couch.
FeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #15

December 15, 2012
July 27th, 2012 Creeped myself out watching a Belladonna movie from 9 years ago called StrapOn Chicks: Bella’s Bitches. There...
Keep Reading
James Deen dildos
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: James Deen dildos

October 15, 2012
THE MOST ANTICIPATED SEX TOYS OF THE YEAR… WELL, ON TUMBLR ANYWAY. Having followed porn star James Deen for years,...
Keep Reading
Kimberly Kane's face buried between some labia.
FeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #14

July 12, 2012
January 21st, 2012 After a nap with weird dreams, I got up at 10 p.m. and drank a Rockstar. Like...
Keep Reading
DVD cover of Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Advanced Anal Sex, porn film directed by Tristan Taormino
PornSex Toy Reviews

Review: Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Advanced Anal Sex

March 8, 2012
Tristan Taormino is obsessed with the butt. This is a known fact. But somehow it’s been four years since her original...
Keep Reading
BanterDirty VideosDisingenuous AssholesDon't Trust the Headlines

The latest threat to our daughters: James Deen, a respectful porn star

February 13, 2012
BREAKING NEWS, everyone. LISTEN CLOSELY, especially if you are raising innocent little girls. I’ve just learned that James Deen, my/your favorite...
Keep Reading
DVD cover of Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Female Orgasms, porn film directed by Tristan Taormino
PornSex Toy Reviews

Review: Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Female Orgasms

February 16, 2011
Tristan Taormino does incredibly important work with her Expert Guide series of porn movies. So many “how-to” movies are yawn-inducing, but...
Keep Reading
DVD cover of Rough Sex 2, porn film directed by Tristan Taormino
PornSex Toy Reviews

Review: Rough Sex 2

October 18, 2010
Tristan Taormino has upped the ante. After the greatness that was Rough Sex, she has created a sequel that is...
Keep Reading
A guy using a... magnifying glass?... while getting a blowjob.
Adventures in SquirtingFeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #8

June 16, 2010
May 8th, 2010 Eight days into May and I haven’t jacked off yet. I need to work on life. I...
Keep Reading
Bartenders porn DVD cover
BanterDirty VideosFeaturesHell Yes / Um, NoJack-off Journal

Hell Yes: Bartenders

May 16, 2010
Bartenders is the newest, yet-to-be-released feature porno from Burning Angel. Now, it takes serious hilarity to make me laugh aloud...
Keep Reading
James Deen and Stoya on a bed in A Taste of Stoya.
FeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #4

February 13, 2010
January 2nd, 2010 Although I’d just read a terrible piece of “science,” I was too tired to go for the...
Keep Reading
Dude in The King of Coochie 4 making quite the snarling face while fucking Sunny Lane.
Adventures in SquirtingFeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #2

December 1, 2009
November 17th, 2009 I watched a threesome scene in The King of Coochie 4, with Sasha Grey, Sunny Lane, and...
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PornSex Toy Reviews

Review: The New Romantix

March 21, 2009
The New Romantix is one of the most frustrating porn films I’ve ever seen. From the description of it, I...
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PornSex Toy Reviews

Review: Spring Chickens #21

December 22, 2008
Genre: Mostly straight, vignetteDirector: Gregg AlanLength: 2 hours, 23 minutesCast: Nicole Ray, Brittany Angel, Mickey Graham, Cameron Love, Chayse Evans,...
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1 2

Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

The Taffy Tickler Silicone Sweets glass dildo, covered in little orange spikes, standing upright near some pointy green fake grass.

Review: Taffy Tickler Silicone Sweets

A sex blogger's desk: dildos, coffee, laptop, etc.

The Coming Out Interviews, pt. 2: Mom, I’m a sex blogger

Pipedream Ceramix No. 4 ceramic dildo

Review: Ceramix No. 4

A hand caressing the tattooed leg of a person wearing a strap-on: the New York Collective Shilo dildo.

Queer sex party chronicles: every night a blank slate

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