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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Porn gems: playful domination & fireside fucking

    A hand caressing the tattooed leg of a person wearing a strap-on: the New York Collective Shilo dildo.

    Queer sex party chronicles: every night a blank slate

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
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  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
  • Random

double-ended

Dildos with two ends. Not necessarily two ends that are meant to be in two different people at the same time.

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  • A to Z
NobEssence Seduction among some green leaves.
Adventures in SquirtingDildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Seduction

August 14, 2009
The S-shaped NobEssence Seduction looks more like a beautiful decorative sculpture than a dildo. Made of Purpleheart wood and sealed with...
Keep Reading
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Dr. Laura Berman Ruby

December 29, 2008
While I do own quite a few glass dildos at this juncture, I don’t have any that look quite like...
Keep Reading
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Inside Out Spiral Rib Double Dong

November 6, 2008
After a while, all my reviews of glass toys are going to sound the same. “It’s great! A bit pricey,...
Keep Reading
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Delve

February 16, 2010
Well, folks, the time has come — I’ve found a NobEssence toy that doesn’t work with my body. But it’s...
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DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Blue Tip Clear Rings dildo

November 24, 2008
Before this dildo, I’d never owned anything from Don Wands. But I know their company name, because they are makers...
Keep Reading
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Athena

July 21, 2009
The Luxotiq Athena is a gorgeous and elegant double-ended dildo, with two different-sized ends. Both ends double as insertable and as...
Keep Reading
Why why why why why why. A double-ended dildo, in which one side is cream-colored, and the other is chocolate-colored.
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Um, No: Interracial Double Dong

April 19, 2011
Um… Er… How is this even… Why…? So you can express your racial preference… with a friend? No more arguing...
Keep Reading
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Share

May 26, 2009
I’m not the ideal candidate for a double-ended dildo, mainly because my boyfriend is not ready for penetration in the...
Keep Reading
Tantus Alumina Revolve and Motion aluminum dildos lying in the snow.
DildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Alumina Revolve & Motion

January 17, 2009
Tantus has long been known for its amazing pure silicone toys, but their new Alumina line of aluminum dildos is...
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DildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Gold Ribbed Love Wand

March 11, 2008
This dildo is dishwasher safe! I find that endlessly amusing. I should preface this review with a few tidbits about...
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DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Dual Sided Swirled Rib

January 16, 2009
I’ve finally become jaded. After a plethora of impressive glass toys, my standards for glass have been raised quite a...
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DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Isis

July 16, 2010
The Luxotiq Isis is a bit of a goody-goody. It’s sugary pink in color, with smooth, clean, harmless lines. It...
Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Vanity by Jopen Vr9

January 21, 2011
This vibrator is not purple. It is fuchsia. Let it be known. Despite every product photo ever depicting it as a...
Keep Reading
Strapless strap-on dildos. Tantus Feeldoe More, Tantus Realdoe Stout, Fun Factory ShareVibe, Happy Valley Tango.
DildosGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Why I don’t like strapless strap-on dildos

March 27, 2017
I’ve never thought strapless strap-on dildos were the second coming of Christ. Let’s start there. I have my Joque harness,...
Keep Reading
njoy Fun Wand
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Fun Wand

June 4, 2012
Nobody wants to know how the njoy Fun Wand is. Everyone just wants to know how the Fun Wand compares to...
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Jimmyjane Form 6 vibrator
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Form 6

June 8, 2010
I’ve been dreading writing this review. I’ve been putting it off. I’ve been typing and deleting, trying to form sentences...
Keep Reading
1 2

Latest posts

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

Bubble Love pleasure jet and Dilly dildo attachment on an old boat dock.

Review: Bubble Love

The Taffy Tickler Silicone Sweets glass dildo, covered in little orange spikes, standing upright near some pointy green fake grass.

Review: Taffy Tickler Silicone Sweets

Review: Better Sex Synergy Pleasure System

Wobbling Willy, a magenta dildo with a bobble head attached.

What, you don’t want a dildo with your boyfriend’s face on it?

My Celebrator oscillating toothbrush vibrator on a vintage floral patterned surface.

Review: My Celebrator

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