[From Crash Pad, one of the best sites on the internet for feminist porn, censored to protect Tumblr’s delicate sensibilities.] As I write this, sipping a chestnut praline latte at my local Starbucks, I know I’m living on borrowed time. Last week, Starbucks caved to pressure from an anti-porn organization and announced that starting in 2019, they will be blocking “pornography and illegal content” on their wifi networks. This, of course, means the salacious and utterly disgraceful sex toy review blog you are currently reading will likely become inaccessible. Then yesterday, Tumblr hammered the final nail in the coffin of their increasingly-aggressive crusade against adult content, stating that such content will no longer be allowed on the platform. Yeah, on Tumblr, . . . read more

June 16, 2016 Gold-star multi-tasking today: I alternate between jacking off and watching just-released Big Brother cast interviews. (I have to form judgments on the contestants for a fantasy league I participate in, because I have quality taste in both television and extracurricular activities.) I’m flipping between the LELO Siri 2, LELO Lily 2, and We-Vibe Touch in order to answer an email about how they compare… and you know, blasphemous as it is to say, the Lily 2 is a pretty solid toy. It has a much more robust motor than days of old, so it’s even a bit more powerful than the Touch — more vibration in my fingers, though. June 22, 2016 8 a.m. I’m awake, unfortunately, lying . . . read more

[This post contains mentions of James Deen. I no longer support him or his work.] February 11, 2015 META JACK-OFF JOURNAL. After spending all day finishing Jack-off Journal #18, I gave it to Aerie to read in the other room and thrust myself into my office for two quick orgasms with the Hitachi, which I desperately needed after a day of nonchalantly skipping through porn files and editing screenshots. February 28, 2015 Please, god, let this be the last time my vagina experiences the Afterglow and its laser light “technology.” Let this rabbit-infested masturbation nightmare end. Determined to definitively disprove the veracity of the “PulseWave O” program (an 8-minute “journey designed to enhance arousal and help you achieve better and more frequent orgasms”), I endured it . . . read more

[Content note: incest, menstrual blood, consensual non-consent.] April 2014 Sit down, friends. I would like to talk to you about incest. I’ve slyly alluded to it before, but this month marks the discovery of something glorious: New Sensations’ “Tabu Tales” series. Directed most of the time by the fantastic and nuanced Jacky St. James, this series is everything I never knew I wanted, and I LOVE IT. My obsession began with Incestuous, in a scene featuring cheerleader Riley Reid and her “stepfather” Alec Knight. Riley is a boss at playing down her age (she even moans “oh gosh”), and Alec, well… he’s the ultimate creep. I seem to be developing a thing for creepers. Don’t tell any dudes on the internet. Please. I may or may not have quickly . . . read more

If you ever need proof of what a little shit I was as a teenager, look no further than the 2-star review of The Girl Next Door that I wrote for my high school newspaper when it hit theaters in April 2004. “Just about everything is unrealistic,” I complained, “except maybe how horny everybody is.” I was 17, and like all 17-year-olds, I wanted to be above the inanity of this movie. But the inanity is what makes this movie great. The Girl Next Door 1 is about Matthew (Emile Hirsch), an awkward overachiever, his friends Eli (Chris Marquette) and Klitzy (Paul Dano), and the life lessons they learn and hijinks they pull when they meet his new neighbor, Danielle (Elisha Cuthbert), who used to . . . read more

Wedged between my consumption of Fast Food Nation and We Need to Talk About Kevin, I inhaled The Feminist Porn Book. I wrote in the margins and bent the pages and even took it in the bath. When I was a stupid teen, I inherited a waterlogged copy of Marilyn Manson’s The Long Hard Road Out of Hell, and ever since I’ve secretly wished I’d “accidentally” drop a book in the bath, thereby giving it “character.” But The Feminist Porn Book has a lot of character without my vain attempts. Its cover is splashed with the most exquisite neon orange and yellow, the huge text like a sledgehammer, and the decisive name declaring that yes, this is the one and only, the definitive feminist porn . . . read more

Want to ask me a question? Email me at hey.epiphora [at] gmail [dot] com, or ask here. How often do you masturbate? You have quite a collection of toys; do you end up using most of them? Generally, every other day. Sometimes I go days and it’s just a mistake because I always come too fast and don’t get to adequately test the toys. I always say that I should do it more, and I should. Ideally, once or twice a day. HOWEVER, I’m now in the habit of having more than one orgasm per session. That is a good habit to have formed. If I don’t love a toy, I don’t end up using it much at all. I’m usually . . . read more

Do you know how many years it’s been since Bend Over Boyfriend? I hate to break it to you (and myself), but 1998 was 14 years ago. While you were suffering through “Hooch” and “Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It,” while Bill Clinton was not having sexual relations with that woman, and while some dumb new search engine was launching, Carol Queen and some couples were making a video that was soon to change the landscape of sexuality. They didn’t know what to call their crazy groundbreaking sex act or how to make a video without neon lights and jug-jug-a-jug guitar noodling in the background, but by golly, they were into it. And ahead of the curve: the term “pegging” wouldn’t be coined . . . read more

[Wolf’s site no longer exists, but you can still stream his performances here or on Kink.com. ] Wolf Hudson looks like the kind of guy who owns more than a few sets of brass knuckles, but in actuality, he is a sweetheart with killer dance moves who hangs out with cats and tweets mouthwatering pictures of his mom’s Dominican food. I first laid eyes on him in Shifting Gears, and I’ve considered him a BAMF ever since his scene in My Own Master, so when he asked me to review his newly-launched paysite, I had to say yes. I have never reviewed a website before, but DON’T WORRY I AM VERY CRITICAL OF THEM TOO. Wolf Hudson Is Bad is still in its infancy — it . . . read more