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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

    Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
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  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
  • Random

vibrators

All posts tagged “vibrators.” Usually, reviews of vibrators. So there’s a lot here, because my life has been dedicated to vibrators.

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Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?April Fool's!BanterBlogger LyfeFeaturesJack-off JournalSex Toy ReviewsShenanigansTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy ReviewerVibrators

Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

April 1, 2022
Today I’m releasing exclusive tapes from last month’s masturbatory adventures. These are my intimate audio notes from out in the...
Keep Reading
Sex toys getting me through the pandemic
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterDildosGreatest HitsGuidesHi, I love youLube etc.Sex Toy ReviewsSunshine & RainbowsVibrators

Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

March 16, 2022
The pandemic has been a whole new time of giving-zero-fucks, and for me that’s looked like a sort of survivalist...
Keep Reading
GiveawaysHi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

February 18, 2021
Is it a sign things are finally looking up? Fuck, I’ll take anything. A pair of legendary vibrators, cult classics,...
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Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Dame Kip and Pom

November 15, 2020
Sometimes companies surprise you. When Dame hit the scene with their zealously-crowdfunded initial effort, the “hands-free” labia-clinging Eva, I pegged...
Keep Reading
GiveawaysSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Zumio E

July 29, 2020
The tiniest tip ever to wiggle against my clit has morphed once again. It’s called the Zumio E, and it’s...
Keep Reading
The Vibratex Magic Wand Plus corded vibrator dangling in front of a green plant.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: (Hitachi) Magic Wand Plus

January 2, 2020
There are still people making good decisions in this world. The reason I know this is because the Magic Wand...
Keep Reading
BMS Factory Pillow Talk Sassy rechargeable G-spot vibrator lying on some soft grey fur.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Sassy

November 6, 2019
I have some big news I’ve been dying to share. No, no, I’m not pregnant. Not getting married. Moving? Uh,...
Keep Reading
Hot Octopuss Queen Bee oscillating rechargeable vibrator on a yellow polka dot plate.
Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Queen Bee

December 21, 2018
Me, masturbating: uh, don’t mind me, I’m just over here jamming this ugly-ass hairbrush-lookin’ thing against my vulva in a feeble...
Keep Reading
Je Joue Rabbit Bullet and G-Spot Bullet vibrators on a table next to a large golden fish sculpture.
Hi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Je Joue Bullets (Rabbit + G-Spot)

December 10, 2018
The Je Joue Bullets are not lookers, not at all. There’s a sense of utilitarianism about these vibrators — the...
Keep Reading
BMS Factory Swan Curve vibrator leaning against the Swan Wand, with Mini Swan Wand in foreground, in a kiddie pool.
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Swan Wand, Mini Swan Wand + Swan Curve

June 15, 2018
When I hear the word “swan,” I think of a few things. Grace. Elegance. The color white. Bjork. Overwrought symbols...
Keep Reading
Tickler Toyfriend Smooth Operators Classy, Choosy, and Snazzy embedded in the snow, with little bits of grass poking out.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Smooth Operators (Snazzy, Choosy, and Classy)

February 28, 2018
Blink and you might pass right over them. They’re not terribly attractive, not revolutionary in function, not aggressively marketed. These...
Keep Reading
Zumio X rechargeable clitoral vibrator, on a colorful striped blanket.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Zumio X

December 26, 2017
When you’re a sex toy reviewer, certain toys can feel like a blessing from above. Mediocre masturbation sessions are par...
Keep Reading
Fun Factory Stronic G pulsator on a slab of white marble.
Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementDildosGreatest HitsHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Stronic G

November 19, 2017
Four years ago, my G-spot was forever changed by a revolutionary sex toy called the Stronic Eins. Not really a...
Keep Reading
Clandestine Devices Mimic vibrator on an ancient-looking egg scale. The cons outweigh the pros.
Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Anatomy of a negative sex toy review (or: the Mimic)

November 12, 2017
You’re mid-masturbation and you’ve forgotten what it’s like for orgasm to feel achievable. You’re doing everything right, theoretically: the vibrator’s...
Keep Reading
Wonder 'O' Wand balanced between the wooden legs of a stool.
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Wonder ‘O’ Wand

September 15, 2017
Say you’re in a sex toy megastore along the highway. You’re on a road trip, making a pit stop to...
Keep Reading
Vibratex Mystic Wand Rechargeable vibrator lying on a tattered cream-colored blanket.
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Mystic Wand Rechargeable

January 28, 2017
It’s a let-down, but not in the “my clit is screaming” way. Not in the “orgasm seems like an impassable river” way,...
Keep Reading
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Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

Vintage vibrators: the Polar Cub Electric Vibrator (top), Oster Massagett, and Vanguard Vibro-Massager.

Review: Vintage vibrators

A headless man holding a Magic Wand and a realistic dildo toward the camera.

To all the men wanting to talk their wives into sex toys

LELO Mona Wave rechargeable G-spot vibrator on a rainy cement surface.

Review: Mona Wave

Silicone dildos standing upright and proud.

My vagina is a black hole: how I learned to love penetration

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