Shops that need support most: brick and mortars such as Early to Bed, She Bop, and Smitten Kitten! More info

Hi, I’m Piph, and I have a very discerning vagina.

Not something you hear often, is it? But it’s true: for over a decade, I’ve been testing sex toys and writing about them on the internet. Highly trusted and well-known for my snarky yet authentic sex toy reviews, I’ve been called “the Samantha Bee of our nether regions.” Welcome to Hey Epiphora, where the lube flows like wine, the G-spot isn’t a mystery, and masturbation sessions frequently end with me wondering, “did humans even test this?!”

Not sure where to begin?

Dive into my sex toy reviews or my greatest posts, visit my 700+ sex toy collection, skip straight to my all-time faves, peruse my FAQ, or go shopping.

The current state of Early to Bed in Chicago, with packing materials amidst dildo displays.
"The Industry"BanterFeaturesSex Toy News

Dildos in a pandemic: the sex toy industry and COVID-19

Sex shop floors, once bustling with customers, have morphed into makeshift staging areas for packing online orders. The display dildos stand around aimlessly, fulfilling no purpose. Lube testers lay dormant. Packing materials are everywhere. A print-out is taped to the door advising customers of the situation: this shop is closed — temporarily, indefinitely, who-knows-how-long. Shop online. Please. Brick-and-mortar sex shops have been hit especially hard by the COVID-19 pandemic. In a matter of weeks, 85% of U.S. shops have shuttered, […]... Keep Reading

Favorite sex toys EVER

I’ve put hundreds of things on/in/around my genitals, so it means a lot to make it here.

Greatest hits

I’m sure my writing teachers are very proud.

Fun Factory Stronic G pulsator on a slab of white marble.

Review: Stronic G

Four years ago, my G-spot was forever changed by a revolutionary sex toy called the Stronic Eins. Not really a dildo and definitely not a... Keep Reading
Shiri Zinn Cupcake vibrator, and the tools to dismantle the patriarchy. (Fork and knife.)

Review: Cupcake

This sex toy is everything I hate. Cutesy. Twee. Pink. Girly. Symbolic. I want to chuck it into a river. So why am I reviewing it? Oh, I... Keep Reading
Vibratex Princessa standing up on a marble table.

Video review: Princessa

In the past month, I’ve lost the ability to form full sentences. My fingers have forgotten how to type, settling only for clicking and dragging while... Keep Reading
Aneros Evi kegel exerciser on top of a cream-colored knit fabric.

Review: Evi

I’m on edge, watching my every move. Like the first day on a new job. Like the feds are after me. Like a driving test.... Keep Reading
njoy Pure Plugs (medium and large) in a jewelry box with a bunch of gaudy bracelets and rings.

Review: Pure Plugs

I could’ve written a review for the njoy Pure Plugs before ever putting a single one in my ass. Of course, I would never do... Keep Reading
Fun Factory Volta rechargeable vibrator hanging out in a glass bowl of sea glass.

Review: Volta

I’m not the type to chase adventure. Some people hop on roller coasters, travel to far-off lands, skydive out of planes… but I don’t pine... Keep Reading

Daily dose of snark

When you just need some righteous rage. So, every day?

Ancient Post Randomizer™

I can’t be held responsible for what you find here. I’ve been blogging for over a decade, yo.