May 192018

Recently, somebody pointed out to me just how far my giveaways have come. An old giveaway from the early days of my blog fetched 30 entrants, which at the time was impressive. Now, here I am writing a wrap-up post for my most recent giveaway, Rock your G-spot, which garnered over 2,000 individual entrants. W. T. F.

Of course, this time I was giving away something much much cooler: 8 self-thrusting Stronic G toys from Fun Factory. But still, I’m forever amazed at the response, and especially the amazing artistic entries. SO MANY GOOD ONES, you guys! I’m excited to share them with you here.

So, here’s how all the winners shook down. All have been contacted and confirmed.

Random winners: Lisa, Katie, and Meowwl!

Best artistic winners: Brie Love, Nia, and Blue!

"Fantasy in Reality" by Brie Love Block printing by Nia "Bring Down the House" by Blue

“Fantasy in Reality” by Brie Love: So much cuteness — and so much detail! The cat on the bed. The lube dispenser. The “Slipuid.” The adorable people discussing handcuffs. “What I’m going for here isn’t just about the G-spot,” Brie explained. “It’s about how it plays into all the sexy things I want to try and am already really into!”

Block printing by NiaI loved how this one took the “rocking” theme and ran with it, and the guitar face on the Stronic G just kills me. Block printing is an artistic process I’d never heard about before (the image was carved out of linoleum first), and boy it is impressive! “I think it aptly highlights the kind of adventures my G-spot and the Stronic G would have,” Nia wrote.

“Bring Down the House” by Blue: This incredibly detailed piece (I mean, just look at that mouth-watering Pure Wand!) aims to depict the feeling of an orgasm. “I decided to incorporate the idea of the wall turning into sheets being grasped in pleasure,” Blue said, “knocking all the frames out of place while the images become more abstract closer to the ‘orgasm.’”

Best comment winner: Morgan!

I’m not gonna lie to you, my relationship with my G-spot has been complicated. When I first learned to masturbate to orgasm, I did so under the guidance of a cis male abuser, which meant that the focus on my G-spot was HEAVY (because like most douchey cis men, he thought penetration was The Only Way To Do Sex). I only learned to have clitoral orgasms years later.

However, I still love the sensation of G-spot stimulation. Through sex with other, non-abusive people, cathartic solo wanking and a lot of therapy, I’ve removed the association that G-spot stuff = That Abuser, and reclaimed that magical bundle of nerves in my vagina for my very fucking own.

Winning a Stronic would be incredibly exciting and grant me new ways to investigate my G-spot and build my loving relat ionship with it; if I don’t win the Stronic, no big, but winning it would feel like a sign from the universe saying “You deserve orgasms! Your G-spot is your own!”

Best tweet winner: Sarai H, with this excellent poem + photo combo:

This hand’s over-employed
‘Cause only it’s ever toyed
With this spot in my void
Called the G

I’d be so overjoyed
And no longer annoyed
With the Stronic deployed

I never knew I needed a poem that rhymed something with “OMG,” but I definitely did.

I also wanted to share the rest of the awesome art that was created for this giveaway! As a person who can barely draw, I was astonished by what y’all made. So, with permission, here are the rest of the artistic entries.

Watercolor by Mackenzie.  "The Creation of G" by Sara D.  "Wet and Wild/Still Untitled" by Bitsen.

Watercolor by Mackenzie,”The Creation of G” by Sara D, “Wet and Wild/Still Untitled” by Bitsen.

Digital art by Ellen E. Digital art by GoldenDove. "Dildo Cover" embroidery by Rayna.

Digital art by Ellen E, digital art by GoldenDove, “Dildo Cover” embroidery by Rayna.

"Flashes of Pleasure" by C. "Selfcare" by Rose Troya. "I Hit my G-Spot" by MuZe1915.

“Flashes of Pleasure” by C, “Selfcare” by Rose Troya, “I Hit my G-Spot” by MuZe1915.

And finally, “Tool of Discovery” video by Jay:

Huge thanks once again to Fun Factory for their generous contribution of EIGHT toys for this giveaway. Give them — and all the artistic entrants — some love in the comments!

May 192018
The world's FIRST and only REAL G-spot toy! Ever!!!

Revolutionary! Game-changing! The best! The first! The only! Companies have been wailing such nonsense since the beginning of time. Sex toy manufacturers in particular love to employ this sort of language, although usually it’s subtle and vaguely infuriating, not in-your-face and outright laughable in its shamelessness.

But today is a beautiful day, my friends, because I’ve found something that is outright laughable in its shamelessness. Remarkably unattractive and aggressively overhyped, it is “the FIRST and ONLY true G-spot stimulator” and “the world’s first G-spot vibrator that actually works!” and as such, we must bow down to it. We might as well just trash our entire sex toy collections now and I can kiss this blog goodbye, because this toy is going to change EVERYTHING. [. . . read the rest]

May 062018
Review: Evi

I’m on edge, watching my every move. Like the first day on a new job. Like the feds are after me. Like a driving test. Like masturbating at age 15.

But I am not actually in a high-stress situation. I just have something in my vagina. And its name is Evi.

The Aneros Evi is a… kegel exerciser. Imagine me saying that with the same sort of hesitance in my voice as when I say “don’t worry, I can kill that spider” or “surely the Republicans can’t continue standing by him after this.” In actuality, the Evi is more defined by what it is not: it is not a butt plug (although it looks just like one), and it is not a vibrator (although it should be). [. . . read the rest]

Apr 172018
Giveaway: rock your G-spot!

Hey, friend, how’s your G-spot doing lately? Still real, despite what the media says? Perhaps feeling a bit drab, a little understimulated? Or is it in a good mood, but always hungry for more? Looking for a sex toy that does pretty much all the work of hitting it? I GOTCHU.

Just a few months ago, I crowned Fun Factory’s Stronic G pulsator the best sex toy of 2017. Its automated back-and-forth thrusting motion and perfectly-hooked tip are a G-spotting dream, causing me to squirt with very little effort. Now it’s 2018, a new year, and the perfect time for you to form a closer bond with your G-spot. [. . . read the rest]

Apr 152018
The formulating of Piph Lube

Piph Lube, with the glitter settled at the bottom, in front of my sex toy closet.

The idea, like all the best ideas, came to me while I was stoned. Lying in bed, half-asleep, it just popped into my head: my April Fool’s joke this year would be a fake lube containing ridiculous and very #me ingredients such as pinot grigio, Portland rain water, and of course, weed.

If I wanted my fake lube to seem as believable as possible, I needed some help from my favorite sex toy retailer. SheVibe, the absolute darlings, readily agreed — to design the label, to source the bottles, and to create an actual product page on their site. [. . . read the rest]

Apr 122018
Sex toy news: bionic dildos and a bundle of alien fingers

Yay, the Canadian cuties at Fuze have four new suction cup dildos: Flame, Major (uncut and girthy!), Freddie, and Star. They can attach to each other, too, to make a custom double-ended dildo.

Jimmyjane’s new Tre looks like a bundle of alien fingers. Isn’t that what you want to put on your clit? (Hot tip: if you want to be even poorer, buy the version that comes with a UV sanitizing case!)

Dicks that become erect at the push of a button? THE FUTURE IS NOW.

Flickering tips, y’all! The Volta is Fun Factory’s latest, and I must tell you from first-hand clitoral experience: I quite like it! [. . . read the rest]

Mar 312018
Piph Lube: get it now!

[Surprise! This wine-infused sparkly stoner lube was an April Fool’s joke.]

Feels like I’ve been waiting forever to tell you this and I’m nearly bursting at the seams. So I’m just gonna blurt it out: GUYS, I HAVE MY OWN LUBE NOW.

It was my BFFs over at SheVibe who helped me turn this dream into reality. They’ve never helped develop a lube before, but they were down for the challenge. Now, after many months of planning, designing, and testing, it is here. Introducing Piph Lube: a radically stimulating water-based lubricant formulated with pure Portland rain water.

This is the height of celebrity. [. . . read the rest]

Mar 202018
Review: Gala

My clit is a pretty sensitive creature. You’re going to need to know this going in. Take notes for the final test. When I haven’t had an orgasm yet, I can usually come during one of the lower settings of a vibrator — generally speaking, with good vibrators. I’ve been known to “just get the first orgasm out of the way” during my masturbation sessions; I’ve accepted that I come quickly at the beginning, so I figure, why fight it?

The We-Vibe Gala doesn’t even get me there. Even when it’s my first toy of the night. When I haven’t come yet. [. . . read the rest]

Mar 092018
How not to design a sex game

Why are sex games so bad?

This is an eternal question I ask myself regularly. I have a whole label in my Gmail for sex games, and it’s filled to the hilt with shitty, offensive products I’d never want to play in a million years, often including pleas for me to review them. (People love to say stuff like, “it’s not a sex toy, but it’s KIND OF A SEX TOY!”) Ha. Ha. Hahahaha.

Usually I just send the links to my girlfriend so we can ridicule the games in private, but I just got one that perfectly demonstrates everything that’s wrong with terrible sex games. [. . . read the rest]

/* ]]> */