Hi, I’m Piph, and I have a very discerning vagina.

Not something you hear often, is it? But it’s true: for over a decade, I’ve been testing sex toys and writing about them on the internet. Highly trusted and well-known for my snarky yet authentic sex toy reviews, I’ve been called “the Samantha Bee of our nether regions.” Welcome to Hey Epiphora, where the lube flows like wine, the G-spot isn’t a mystery, and masturbation sessions frequently end with me wondering, “did humans even test this?!”

Not sure where to begin?

Dive into my sex toy reviews or my greatest posts, visit my 700+ sex toy collection, skip straight to my all-time faves, peruse my FAQ, or go shopping.

Sex toy Black Friday + Cyber Monday sales!

November 27, 2019

GOBBLE GOBBLE, peeps. This is it: my annual list of the best sex toy deals for Black Friday and Cyber Monday! If you’ve been waiting to buy the vibrator, dildo, or butt plug of your dreams, I suggest getting it now. Discounts like these don’t happen on such a grand, sweeping scale at any other time of the year. Best of all? You can stay in your pajamas! In fact, I ENCOURAGE IT! As always, I have many exclusive codes […]... Keep Reading

Hi, I love you Sex Toy Reviews Vibrators

Review: Sassy

November 6, 2019

I have some big news I’ve been dying to share. No, no, I’m not pregnant. Not getting married. Moving? Uh, why would I leave a city where I can get... Keep Reading

Announcements Banter Blogger Lyfe

Welcome to the NEW Hey Epiphora!

October 26, 2019

TODAY IS THE MOTHERFUCKIN’ DAY, PEEPS! The day I’ve been fantasizing about for months — nah, let’s round that up to years. It’s the official unveiling of my all-new, fancy-ass,... Keep Reading

Supplies for Mirena IUD insertion laid out at the doctor's office, including forceps, lube, gloves, and the Mirena box.

Anyway How's Your Sex Life?Banter

The (not so) harrowing tale of my IUD insertion

August 23, 2019

The morning of my IUD insertion began with me desperately driving across town to retrieve a sex toy. I didn’t necessarily want to masturbate, but I needed to. It had... Keep Reading

Banter Feminism's Not a Dirty Word Greatest Hits Guides Whine Time

To all the men wanting to talk their wives into sex toys

June 17, 2019

I can see through you, and I don’t like what I see. You email me under the guise of caring. Of wanting your wife to experience something new in the... Keep Reading

Review: Joque harness

SenseMax SenseVibe rechargeable dual vibrator next to a burnt yellow fuzzy scarf.

Review: SenseVibe

HELLO MY SWEET. The Comet G Wand lying on a colorful striped platter.

Review: Comet G Wand

Eroscillator Top Deluxe and Eroscillator 2 Plus next to each other on the floor.

Eroscillator 2 Plus vs. Top Deluxe: is 35% more power worth $55 more?

Crystal Delights Star Delight close-up of the beautiful glacier blue aqua Swarovski crystal in the end.

Review: Star Delight

see all my favorites

Greatest hits

I’m sure my writing teachers are very proud.

Movie Night: The Girl Next Door

If you ever need proof of what a little shit I was as a teenager, look no further than the 2-star review of The Girl Next Door that... Keep Reading

September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

Why I don’t like strapless strap-on dildos

I’ve never thought strapless strap-on dildos were the second coming of Christ. Let’s start there. I have my Joque harness, I have well-loved strap-on dildos,... Keep Reading

browse my greatest hits

Daily dose of snark

When you just need some righteous rage. So, every day?

Fun Factory Bi Stronic Fusion pulsator on an ornate rug.

I can’t be held responsible for what you find here. I’ve been blogging for over a decade, yo.