Fill your baskets and your holes. These are the best prices you'll find on sex toys all year!

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!
Need more sex toys for your black holes? Behold, my epic guide to the best sex toy deals has arrived! If you’ve been waiting to buy the vibrator, dildo, or butt plug of your dreams, now’s your chance. These are the best prices and sweeping discounts you’ll find all year. I won’t make a big bang joke, I won’t make a big...
A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.
It was a 30th birthday party unlike any other.  The invitation read: Luxurious cuddles, siren’s songs, stroking, finger feeding, dancing, bondage, fucking, and deep admiration are all welcome in this courtyard of grecian revelry. Please bring your own safer sex supplies, toys, tools, and tasty snacks to share. Bring a strap-on if you have one! Languid, shimmery, ostentatious dress encouraged! Whatever makes...

Favorite sex toys EVER

I’ve put hundreds of things on/in/around my genitals, so it means a lot to make it here.

Greatest hits

I’m sure my writing teachers are very proud.

Screenshot from the now-defunct Teddy Love crowdfunding video, of a woman touching a teddy bear's nose.
This is not cute. This is not adorable. This is not acceptable. A teddy bear with a vibrating muzzle? Really? This is condescending, infantilizing, and damaging....
njoy Pure Plugs (medium and large) in a jewelry box with a bunch of gaudy bracelets and rings.
I could’ve written a review for the njoy Pure Plugs before ever putting a single one in my ass. Of course, I would never do...
Dame Products Eva "hands-free" "couples" wearable vibrator standing up like a creepy bug.
I’ve never told you much about my labia, but I guess now’s as good a time as any. I’d describe my outer labia as puffy, yet...
Hot Octopuss Queen Bee oscillating rechargeable vibrator on a yellow polka dot plate.
Me, masturbating: uh, don’t mind me, I’m just over here jamming this ugly-ass hairbrush-lookin’ thing against my vulva in a feeble attempt to orgasm. And I’m...

Daily dose of snark

When you just need some righteous rage. So, every day?

Ancient Post Randomizer™

I can’t be held responsible for what you find here. I’ve been blogging for over 15 years, yo.