Hi, I’m Piph, and I have a very discerning vagina.

Not something you hear often, is it? But it’s true: for over 15 years, I’ve been testing sex toys and writing about them on the internet. Highly trusted and well-known for my snarky yet authentic sex toy reviews, I’ve been called “the Samantha Bee of our nether regions.” Welcome to Hey Epiphora, where the lube flows like wine, the G-spot isn’t a mystery, and masturbation sessions frequently end with me wondering, “did humans even test this?!”

Not sure where to begin?

Dive into my sex toy reviews or my greatest posts, visit my 900+ sex toy collection, skip straight to my all-time faves, peruse my FAQ, or go shopping.

I wanted you to question, "did she really do all that?" And the answer was yes.

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!
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Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

updated 12/13! Need more sex toys for your black holes? Behold, my epic guide to the best sex toy deals has arrived! If you’ve been waiting to buy the vibrator, dildo, or butt plug of your dreams, now’s your chance. These are the best prices and sweeping discounts you’ll find all year. I won’t make a big bang joke, I won’t make...
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A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterShenanigansSunshine & Rainbows

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

It was a 30th birthday party unlike any other.  The invitation read: Luxurious cuddles, siren’s songs, stroking, finger feeding, dancing, bondage, fucking, and deep admiration are all welcome in this courtyard of grecian revelry. Please bring your own safer sex supplies, toys, tools, and tasty snacks to share. Bring a strap-on if you have one! Languid, shimmery, ostentatious dress encouraged! Whatever makes...
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Favorite sex toys EVER

I’ve put hundreds of things on/in/around my genitals, so it means a lot to make it here.

see all my favorites

Greatest hits

I’m sure my writing teachers are very proud.

LELO Pino... a cock ring "exclusively for bankers"

Um, No: Pino

We need to talk about what’s happening with LELO. For about three years, they’ve mostly been releasing convoluted, overpriced, “innovative” pieces of shit topped off with pretentious marketing. It...
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The Jimmyjane Rumble Seat, a white plastic toilet-looking chair with a grey vibrating bump on top, standing in front of my sex toy closet.

Review: Rumble Seat

When you arrive at the sex party and present the guests with your vibrating sex chair, you don’t exactly want the response to be “that...
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The Eroscillator standing proudly on a table, with the Ultra Soft Fingertip attachment (marshmallow) on it.

Review: Eroscillator

You know those butt-ugly animals, like hairless cats and shivery Chinese Cresteds, that instinctively disgust you — until you fall in love with one, and...
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Tiny dildos from Tantus, Bad Dragon and Fun Factory standing up on a wooden display shelf.

Review: Tiny Dildos

Perhaps “tiny” is condescending. “Diminutive”? “Miniature”? “Wee”? I don’t want to be flippant or rude, but it’s an objective fact that these dildos are roughly 1/60th the size of their,...
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Daily dose of snark

When you just need some righteous rage. So, every day?

gimmie more snark

Ancient Post Randomizer™

I can’t be held responsible for what you find here. I’ve been blogging for over 15 years, yo.