Hey Epiphora — Where sex toys go to be judged

Sex toy news: menstrual cups and “cyclonic vibrations”

Sep 242017

FUN FACTORY IS MAKING MENSTRUAL CUPS. YES, THIS DESERVES ALL CAPS. They’re called the Fun Cups. I have used them for many a period now and they have been a worthy addition to my bleedin’ life. Review coming soon!

Jimmyjane’s latest vibrators are called Love Pods: Halo, Coral, and Om. Halo claims to have “revolutionary cyclonic vibrations.” Am I excited to eviscerate these toys? Absolutely. Do I care that that sounds petty as fuck? Nope. Hating on Jimmyjane is one of the simple pleasures of my life.

For the first time in years, Je Joue has new stuff. Nothing flashy, just some basic rechargeable bullets, but you know, I’ll take basic over false claims of innovation… [loud exaggerated cough]

Meanwhile, We-Vibe just won’t stop releasing new things! I am not complaining! Their newest toys are the Bloom, a vibrating kegel exerciser, and Jive, a wearable vibe. All their new products are app-responsive these days, which raises the question: when will we get an updated Touch and Tango? Plz?

Good Vibes purchased Babeland and I’m not sure how to feel about it. Lubricant company Wet is sponsoring James Deen and I know just how to feel: enraged.

Lovehoney has a new Broad City collection, and like their tokidoki line, it’s really colorful and fun. Yeah, they’re just re-branded toys, but that stripey butt plug is adorable and I’m even into the mint-colored lipstick vibe.

Hot Octopuss is delving into clitoral toys with the Queen Bee, and OhMiBod’s Club Vibe — which vibrates in response to music and ambient sound — now comes in an anal version.

Do weighted butt plugs sound appealing to you? bVibe’s new Snug Plugs are silicone-coated and come in various sizes. I’d still lean toward the Pure Plugs myself, but I’m old school…

Review: Wonder ‘O’ Wand

Reviews, Vibrators 2 Responses »

Sep 152017

Say you’re in a sex toy megastore along the highway. You’re on a road trip, making a pit stop to get lunch — maybe chicken nuggets? — and decide to venture inside the local sex shop while you’re at it. After aimlessly taste-testing the flavored lubes, you find yourself in the wand section, fondling the myriad options. You’ve heard such good things about the Magic Wand Rechargeable, but what’s this? Several other very similar contenders? What’s a person to do?

The Wonder ‘O’ Wand (with unnecessary apostrophes because of course we must coyly hint at the word “orgasm”) is exclusive to Castle Megastore, and aesthetically, it’s a near carbon copy of the Magic Wand Rechargeable. [. . . read the rest]

Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

Banter, Public Service Announcement 38 Responses »

Aug 202017

Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

There’s a glimmer of recognition that crosses someone’s face when I ask, “have you ever encountered a sex toy that smelled like a new shower curtain?” The widening of the eyes, the slight nod. This is how I introduce the concept of toxic sex toys, and it is almost always met with understanding. That smell, I explain, is off-gassing from chemicals called phthalates, which are used to soften plastics. “Phthalates have been banned in childrens’ toys,” I tell them, “but the sex toy industry is completely unregulated.”

It’s been nearly 10 years since I started in this industry, and yet — sadly — this teaching moment remains as effective as ever. [. . . read the rest]

When we lose sex toy companies we love

A Death in the Family, Banter 28 Responses »

Jul 302017

“Everything’s temporary if you give it enough time.” —Jewel

Last week, I learned that Fucking Sculptures is closing up shop. It seems like just yesterday they popped into existence, delighting me with their jaw-dropping, hand-blown glass dildos and unabashedly straightforward company name. Their G-Spoon was lauded as a serious A-spotter, the beastly Double Trouble revered by size queens. They donated dildos to my giveaways. My girlfriend visited their studio.

Now… they’re gone. After four and half years producing gorgeous toys, their website has been reduced to a vague goodbye message, and we’re left to scramble to scoop up the last of their inventory at retail shops. [. . . read the rest]

SheVibe’s new site = awesome

Banter 9 Responses »

Jul 242017

There comes a time in every website’s life when it starts to outgrow itself. It becomes clunky, out-dated, technologically subpar. Building an entirely new site from the ground up is a huge undertaking. But that is just what my favorite sex toy retailer SheVibe has spent the last 2+ years doing, and today we get to reap the rewards in the form of their sparkling new website!

This new site is everything I’d hoped for. It feels expansive, fresh, and bright. SheVibe’s signature art (all drawn in-house by the freakishly talented Alex) looks somehow even more amazing than before. Products are shown in a grid format, so you can view more of them at once and spend less time scrolling. [. . . read the rest]

Movie Night: Dildo Diaries

Movie Night 12 Responses »

Jul 142017

Dildo Diaries (2002) and the Downunder Toys Hot Banana Rod.

Buying a sex toy is a snap these days. Simply type “adult shop” into your Yelp app, or enter the product name into Google, and in mere seconds you can find a place to purchase the dildo or vibrator of your desires. We take this for granted. I take it for granted. But as recently as 9 years ago, it wasn’t that easy — especially in the South.

Dildo Diaries (2002) is a documentary chronicling the absurdity of Texas’ anti-sex toy legislation. Directed by Laura Barton and Judy Wilder, it’s a joyous defense of our right to purchase and use sex toys. [. . . read the rest]

Announcing the Amplified Voices Sex Blogger Scholarship!

Announcements 1 Response »

Jul 062017

Announcing the Amplified Voices Sex Blogger Scholarship!

Hi! Me again! Today I am using exclamation points a lot because I’m so excited to announce this thing! Remember how I’m teaching an online sex blogging class this fall with my good friend JoEllen Notte? WELL, thanks to several amazing companies, we are offering six individual scholarships to the class, which will be held online from September 1st through October 20th. Yes, six, thanks to the generosity of Early to Bed, Fuze, We-Vibe, Dame, Crystal Delights, and OhMiBod.

Our aim with this scholarship is to amplify the voices of people who have, in the past, been under-represented in sex blogging. [. . . read the rest]

Review: Wish

Reviews, Vibrators 11 Responses »

Jun 292017

There’s a common piece of sex advice, an old sex educator adage usually aimed at people wanting to please vulvas: “consistency is key, especially when someone is nearing orgasm. If your partner implores you not to stop, DEAR GOD DO NOT CHANGE WHAT YOU’RE DOING. NOW IS NOT THE TIME.”

You never want your partner to be that guy. But the We-Vibe Wish is that guy. The Wish is the guy who thinks this advice doesn’t apply to him, because he has this one technique that the ladies go wild for, that gives them screaming orgasms 100% of the time, and you just don’t know how good it could be unless he bestows his gifts upon you. [. . . read the rest]

The secret truth about sex toy reviewing

Banter, Epiphora Makes Lists, True Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer, Whine Time 28 Responses »

Jun 192017

The secret truth about sex toy reviewing

“Holy shit, you masturbate for a living?!”

This is how people often respond when I tell them what I do, and honestly, I can’t blame them. On the surface, “sex toy tester” sounds like a dream job. “You’re so lucky!” they exclaim. “You get paid to orgasm!” But this is an oversimplification — and it starts to get annoying after a while. Aside from dismissing all the behind-the-scenes work that goes into running a blog, it glosses over the aspects of this job that are less than idyllic.

While being a sex toy reviewer is definitely more fun than most jobs and has its fair share of perks,1 there are a number of drawbacks too. [. . . read the rest]

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