The best prices you’ll find all year, plus exclusive deals and free stuff!

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!
GOBBLE GOBBLE, peeps. This is it: my annual list of the best sex toy deals for Black Friday and Cyber Monday! If you’ve been waiting to buy the vibrator, dildo, or butt plug of your dreams, I suggest getting it now. Discounts like these don’t happen on such a grand, sweeping scale at any other time of the year. Best of all?...
Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.
We shivered in our seductive outfits. It was October, two days before my birthday, in a damp backyard. Party attendees were trickling in, dodging the drizzling rain as they embarked upon their COVID tests. We made small talk as we awaited our results, eyeing each others’ silhouettes. What’s small talk and what’s flirtation? Here, the line is fuzzy. That’s what makes it...

Greatest hits

I’m sure my writing teachers are very proud.

The Jimmyjane Rumble Seat, a white plastic toilet-looking chair with a grey vibrating bump on top, standing in front of my sex toy closet.
When you arrive at the sex party and present the guests with your vibrating sex chair, you don’t exactly want the response to be “that...
Split Dildo chillin' next to my coffee and mug warmer.
The .GIFs did me in. The mesmerizing, neverending .GIFs. I stared at them in a trance, focusing my attention on the PS-spot (perineal sponge), thinking of...
LELO Mona Wave rechargeable G-spot vibrator on a rainy cement surface.
The LELO Mona Wave feels like being fingered by someone who is absent-mindedly planning out the toppings on the pizza they’re going to order after I finally...
Hot Octopuss Queen Bee oscillating rechargeable vibrator on a yellow polka dot plate.
Me, masturbating: uh, don’t mind me, I’m just over here jamming this ugly-ass hairbrush-lookin’ thing against my vulva in a feeble attempt to orgasm. And I’m...

Daily dose of snark

When you just need some righteous rage. So, every day?

Ancient Post Randomizerā„¢

I can’t be held responsible for what you find here. I’ve been blogging for over 15 years, yo.