Fill your baskets and your holes. These are the best prices you'll find on sex toys all year!

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!
updated 12/13! Need more sex toys for your black holes? Behold, my epic guide to the best sex toy deals has arrived! If you’ve been waiting to buy the vibrator, dildo, or butt plug of your dreams, now’s your chance. These are the best prices and sweeping discounts you’ll find all year. I won’t make a big bang joke, I won’t make...
A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.
It was a 30th birthday party unlike any other.  The invitation read: Luxurious cuddles, siren’s songs, stroking, finger feeding, dancing, bondage, fucking, and deep admiration are all welcome in this courtyard of grecian revelry. Please bring your own safer sex supplies, toys, tools, and tasty snacks to share. Bring a strap-on if you have one! Languid, shimmery, ostentatious dress encouraged! Whatever makes...

Favorite sex toys EVER

I’ve put hundreds of things on/in/around my genitals, so it means a lot to make it here.

Greatest hits

I’m sure my writing teachers are very proud.

LELO Pino... a cock ring "exclusively for bankers"
We need to talk about what’s happening with LELO. For about three years, they’ve mostly been releasing convoluted, overpriced, “innovative” pieces of shit topped off with pretentious marketing. It...
Sex toys drying on the kitchen counter.
...to be added to my sales and deals page. I place banners on the page and add some text about which toys I recommend people buy. I remember that I cringe every time I link to my Mia 2 review (because I spent a lot of time complaining about the...
Lovehoney Flash USB rechargeable vibrator on top of a dictionary, open to the definition of "buzzy."
The year is 2013 AD. Yet, eyes closed and knowing nothing, I could swear that the Lovehoney Flash is a tiny gourd stuffed with bees from 54 BC....

Ancient Post Randomizer™

I can’t be held responsible for what you find here. I’ve been blogging for over 15 years, yo.