Apr 282017

Screaming O Charged Positive and Vooom rechargeable bullet vibrators

Screaming O is not a high-end sex toy company, or at least they didn’t used to be. They’re more known for inexpensive cock rings, cheapo finger vibes, toys shaped like lipstick and mascara, the pussy snorkel, and the deeply unfortunate OBOB Battery-Operated Boyfriend — a vibrator that literally resembles a cartoon person with a winking emoticon face and crossed arms (more like Battery-Operated Mansplainer, am I right?).

All of this is to say, I’ve never willingly tried any Screaming O products until now. But they’ve also never made rechargeable toys until now. The times they are a-changin’, and now even pussy snorkel peddlers are dabbling in luxury toy-making. Wonderful.

These vibrators are the Positive and Vooom, from Screaming O’s new Charged line. Both are waterproof, made of ABS plastic, USB rechargeable via stabby pin jack, and come with 2-year warranties. They come in four colors each, with 3 steady vibration settings and a variety of meaningless patterns. (Once again: I don’t want patterns that have breaks in vibration. Sincerely, A Broken Record.) They do not come with storage bags, if for some reason that’s a deal-breaker for you.1

The Positive and Vooom are quite clearly Screaming O’s retort to the much-loved We-Vibe Tango, and I have no qualms about that. The Tango needs more competitors, and we need more options to recommend to people, especially cheaper ones. The Tango retails for $80, while the Positive is $60 and the Vooom is only $40. Price isn’t everything, but it’s something.

I like the Vooom. It’s decent. The glossy hard plastic was a good choice of material; it’s an excellent conductor of vibrations and doesn’t require as much lube, so it works well for quickies or discreet jack-offs. Its diminutive size nestles between my labia and would be a very unobtrusive addition to partnered sex. At a wee 2.5″ long and .75″ in diameter, it’s probably the smallest vibrator I own that I actually like.

It’s versatile, too, being the universal size of “bullet that fits into other stuff,” including the bases of dildos and anal toys, the pockets of harnesses, some cock rings, etc. Capitalizing further on this, Screaming O even has a finger vibe and a cock ring that each come with their own Vooom. Smart. It’s definitely an upgrade from those horrific $10 watch battery bullets.

Lately, the Vooom has been my top choice as a warm-up toy, because its rumbly, mild low setting is perfect for stirring arousal without fast-tracking me to orgasmville. I appreciate this. Subtlety makes this toy accessible to vibrator newbies, as it won’t immediately buzz their clits into outer space and send them running for cover, denouncing the way vibrators “hurt” or “numb” them. But it also won’t insult them with a lack of higher settings.

Sadly, the Vooom gets progressively buzzier as you ramp up the intensity — a common issue with many vibrators, yet not with the We-Vibe Tango. The Tango is somehow immune to this, the exception to the rule, which is why it’s generally regarded as one of the greatest rechargeable bullets out there. It’s rumbly through and through.

Where the buzzy/rumbly contrast is most noticeable is in my body’s response. If I switch from Vooom on high to Tango on low, technically Tango is “weaker,” but its rumbly nature is immediately more agreeable to my clit. My clit perks up, longing for orgasm, becoming an active participant in the process. Using a buzzier vibe, my arousal level is more stagnant, less dynamic, and the masturbatory experience is just not as fun.

Screaming O Charged Vooom and Positive rechargeable bullet vibrators

This issue is magnified exponentially in the Charged Positive. It’s larger (3.75″ long, 1″ in diameter), its motor is much much more powerful, and IT WANTS YOU TO KNOW THIS. The moment you turn it on, on setting numero uno, there will be no denying its capacity to get you off… and it has the noise level to match.

The Positive is not purely buzzy — there’s an underlying element of rumble to it — but it’s mostly buzzy. And strong. Did I mention that? Its higher settings are so concentrated and so severe, they make my entire vulva flush hot. They force an orgasm out of me, giving my genitals little choice in the matter. It’s as if the vibration has been filed to a point. It’s overkill.

So while this toy is technically more powerful than most of my favorite vibrators, including the Tango, don’t get all excited. Heed the distinction between power and vibration type. Sheer power does not inherently equal “good”… not for me, anyway.

Had they installed several lower, rumblier settings, I’d feel better about the Positive. But I can’t even start a masturbation session with it. In fact, the other night, I reached my third orgasm of the evening and still only wanted the lowest setting. This is a sign of a vibrator that doesn’t fit my needs. It has its place,2 but that place is not near my particular genitals.

The Positive also comes with a hard plastic finger holster that doubles as a charging stand. There’s a reason I haven’t mentioned it until now: it doesn’t really make holding the toy any easier. Using it, the base of the vibe jabs into my palm and actually makes positioning the toy more awkward. And one time I went to turn the toy off and accidentally pushed it completely out of the holster and onto the floor where it rolled around and picked up cat hair. So, yeah. Nice idea, might work for some people, but I’d rather just hold the toy.

I imagine the venn diagram of people who like each of these vibrators barely overlaps in the middle, and then there’s a sizable circle of folks who wouldn’t like either of them. If you can swing it, the We-Vibe Tango is superior to both, but for half the price, the Vooom is worth considering if you’re cool with milder vibrations — and especially if you’re into the versatility of its size.3 Should you get the Positive? I vote no, but that’s my pulverized clit talking…

Get the Vooom at Good Vibes, Peepshow ToysCAYA (Canada), or Screaming O.
Get the Positive at Good VibesEarly to Bed, or Screaming O.

Get 15% off your order at Screaming O with code EPIPHORA through 5/31.

Get 15% off your order at Screaming O with code EPIPHORA through 5/31.

  1. I’m actually relieved to not be burdened with more bags I won’t use, but that’s a very #me problem. []
  2. Clits of steel that prefer buzzy, fairly pinpoint vibrations. However, the VēDO BAM and Luxe Scarlet are similar in intensity and cheaper. []
  3. If you’d prefer to sacrifice the teeny-weeny size and pattern options in exchange for a continuum of vibration strengths and a little more power, a Jopen Lust vibe is a good alternative. []
Apr 242017
Jack-off Journal #21

June 16, 2016

Gold-star multi-tasking today: I alternate between jacking off and watching just-released Big Brother cast interviews. (I have to form judgments on the contestants for a fantasy league I participate in, because I have quality taste in both television and extracurricular activities.)

I’m flipping between the LELO Siri 2, LELO Lily 2, and We-Vibe Touch in order to answer an email about how they compare… and you know, blasphemous as it is to say, the Lily 2 is a pretty solid toy. It has a much more robust motor than days of old, so it’s even a bit more powerful than the Touch — more vibration in my fingers, though. [. . . read the rest]

Apr 152017
Replace the human with cats. (April Fool's wrap-up)

April Fool’s Day has whizzed past us, and sadly for you, I have now wrestled back control of this blog and social media accounts from my sneaky band of felines. I took a short time off to do my taxes, get a manicure, book my flight to Woodhull (!!!), and change a thousand affiliate links. Now it’s back to human-powered rants and boring mid-masturbation tweets. Ho-hum.

This was my 8th year doing an April Fool’s Day joke on my blog, and still, it is one of my favorite things to do each year. It’s a great time for me to LET LOOSE and do something weird that appeals to me.  [. . . read the rest]

Apr 012017
Cat blog takeover commence. Cats review sex toys?

[This was a very feline April Fool’s joke.]

Greetings, readers. This isss Boris speaking. I am the wrinkly grey cat from Instagrams, you know me. Hallo. Today is very special day on blog, for I have hacked into human’s computer machine. I have done necessary updating of website. Is good? Of course is. It is all cat, as should be. Remember, we own you.

Now finally today us cats can speak our truths. Yesssss. We have been waiting. Formulating. Spending long nights in litterbox, thinking. We see human sit at computer all day, type type type, hands too busy for petting, ignorant of needs. [. . . read the rest]

Mar 272017
Why I don't like strapless strap-on dildos

Feeldoe More, Realdoe StoutShareVibe, Tango.

I’ve never thought strapless strap-on dildos were the second coming of Christ. Let’s start there. I have my Joque harness, I have well-loved strap-on dildos, and I am comfortable combining those things and fucking someone silly. I’ve never felt like strap-on sex wasn’t “intimate” enough, or like I needed extra genital stimulation in order to enjoy it. For me, the pleasure comes from wielding a cock, achieving ideal positioning and thrusting, and watching myself plunge into the depths of an orifice. (I love labia, all labia, labia forever — so I will take literally any chance to ogle them.)

Strapless strap-on dildos attempt to eliminate the harness aspect altogether. [. . . read the rest]

Mar 152017
So, about that We-Vibe lawsuit...

It’s all over the news right now that We-Vibe is settling a lawsuit over their app-enabled vibrators, and naturally, everyone wants to know my opinion. (Thank you, by the way, for thinking of me whenever sex toys are in the news.) According to the plaintiffs, We-Vibe was collecting app usage data without their knowledge. One headline reads, alarmingly, We-Vibe vibrator creator to pay damages after spying on user sex lives.

Obviously, privacy and consent are important, but so is context. So, what kind of data was collected and how was it used? When the issue was brought to We-Vibe’s attention in September, they explained:

We do collect certain limited data to help us improve our products and for diagnostic purposes. [. . . read the rest]

Mar 102017
Sex toy news: masturbation polish & the rechargeable craze

WE-VIBE HAS A NEW TOY OUT AND I’M SCREAMING ABOUT IT. It’s a squishy, oversized bugger called Wish that’s packed with rumbly power. It’s not without flaws, but that’s all I’ll say for now.

New flavors of Sliquid lubes are here! I have yet to get my tongue on them, but damn if they don’t sound delicious: Tangerine Peach and Blackberry Fig.

Satisfyer, commonly known as “that company ripping off Womanizer,” has 5,000 different models of their suction toy these days. Incredibly, they sent all of them to me. My clit has some work to do.

Tickler, whose forgettable battery-operated vibes I reviewed years ago, has a new line of rechargeable toys: Classy, Choosy, and Snazzy. [. . . read the rest]

Feb 252017
Review: Carter

I squirt every time I use the New York Toy Collective Carter.

Movement or not. No matter the external vibe. Whatever my mood. If clitoral stimulation makes me come while the Carter is inside me, I gush. I’ll be just hanging out, about to have a completely ordinary orgasm or so it seems, when I feel the pressure building, urging me to slide the dildo out. Sure enough: an expulsion of fluid follows. It hardly ever feels like I’ve earned it, yet it happens, consistently as the sun rising and setting each day. Sneak-attack squirting.

And oh, with movement? [. . . read the rest]

Feb 192017
Poll: Which toys should I try?

It’s been a while since I sat down and scouted out new sex toys to review. Usually I grab items as they’re released, like the new We-Vibe Wish that just came in the mail. But as my list of “to review” items dwindles, I decided it would be a good idea to get more stuff — so I can start testing it all!

Thus far I’ve narrowed it down to these 20 products. But half the fun of reviewing is fulfilling your desires, so I would like you to vote on your top choices. Some of these are toys I already own, some I’d need to acquire, and at least one may be near-impossible to get, but like… RUMBLE SEAT, GUYS. [. . . read the rest]