Dec 102018
 

Je Joue Rabbit Bullet and G-Spot Bullet vibrators

The Je Joue Bullets are not lookers, not at all. There’s a sense of utilitarianism about these vibrators — the buttons are basic raised bits, each charging port is covered by a silicone flap. Nothing’s shiny or bedazzled. The color is Je Joue’s signature sad purple, the saddest and stalest of the purples. (Although they recently came to their senses and unveiled sky blue versions, so I can finally sleep at night.)

There is very little that is outwardly impressive about these vibrators, but what makes them great cannot be seen by the naked eye. The price, yes, an attractive $59, but it’s more so the price in conjunction with the vibration quality. Because these are some rumbly mofos!

You may’ve felt vibrations before, but Je Joue’s are decidedly their own. I like to call them “fluttery” — it’s more of a tap-tap-tap sensation than smooth vibrations, sort of like it’s flirting with pulsation. But there’s no break in the vibration, so it doesn’t feel like the erratic patterns we all hate. Instead it produces a uniquely thrumming stimulation — and oof, I wish you could feel it through the internet.

Exercising zero creativity in the naming of these vibrators, Je Joue calls them the Rabbit Bullet, Classic Bullet, and G-Spot Bullet (quite the aspirational name for a vibrator with a mere 2.75″ insertable length…). The Classic is a straight bullet, if you’re into that kind of thing, that comes with an additional finger strap. Personally I try to avoid straight things as much as possible.

These vibes come in small, understated boxes without a lot of excess packaging — my limited garbage space is thankful. Sadly, they don’t come with storage bags. To charge one, you raise the silicone flap on the base and plug in the micro USB cable. I’m told these toys are waterproof even with the flap open. Battery life seems average; I clocked 78 minutes on high.

The G-Spot Bullet — which, I must reiterate, is very misleadingly named — has a curved tip with a palpable amount of squish. It’s more plush than most bullet vibes, and I love how comfortable it makes the toy to use. Like the rest of the bullets, it has five steady vibration intensities and seven adjustable (yet still entirely useless to me) patterns. On high, the G-Spot Bullet feels sort of like the third setting on the We-Vibe Tango, but less immediate due to the silicone buffer.

It’s a simple toy that works exactly as intended: it chugs along, sending a steady string of vibrations to my clit, bringing orgasm nearer and nearer.

Je Joue G-Spot Bullet and Rabbit Bullet vibrators

The G-Spot Bullet is my favorite of the two, but it’s a close call, because the Rabbit Bullet is also lovely. Vibes with similar “rabbit ear” tips have rarely wowed me, whether that’s due to dissatisfying vibrations, glitchy motors, a shape that gravely misjudges the size of my clitoris, or the tips being attached to a worthless dual vibe. But the Rabbit Bullet doesn’t make such errors. Unlike others, its ears are proportionate to where they are meant to go: between my labia. I tuck both ears against the inner flesh of my labia majora, nestling them close to my clit, and that’s that. The sweet sweet vibration does the rest of the work.

The Rabbit Bullet manages to give me that subtle surrounding sensation without feeling like I’m haphazardly poking at my clit. The petite size of the ears makes the stimulation deliciously pinpoint, and their flexibility allows me to group them together on the dominant side of my clit. The ears bend very easily, though, so this is not a toy for people who use a a lot (or even a moderate amount of) pressure.

In the process of testing the Je Joue Bullets, I kept getting dismayed when other toys, like the Tango and Volta, were more powerful, as if that fact alone would render all my positive feelings about the bullets null. But it’s not true that a vibrator is only good if it’s “better than the Tango.” And it’s not true that power is the only deciding factor. Sometimes it’s more about the range of settings, the timbre of the vibration, the shape, the size, the material, the noise, the cost, or whether you despise the color of the thing.

What you prioritize in a sex toy won’t be what I prioritize, because we live in a beautiful world of infinite variety, and I live in a world of infinite sex toys. So it’s easy for me to say I’d pick the Volta over the Rabbit Bullet, but the Volta is much bigger and costs $80 more. There are always trade-offs; I prefer the softer, slightly broader tip of the G-Spot Bullet over the Tango’s blunt plastic, even if it can’t match the Tango’s power.1

Mostly, my heart swells with excitement thinking about how the Je Joue Bullets could introduce folks to truly rumbly vibrations. This is the gateway drug. This is rumbly on a budget, rumbly without pretense, in several shapes to suit different tastes. Basically, my dream come true as a sex toy adviser. In a sea of one-dimensional vibrators, the Je Joue Bullets stand out. These are some of the good ones.

Get the Je Joue Bullets at Good Vibes and Babeland (blue version!), SheVibe,
Spectrum Boutique, Peepshow Toys, or Lovehoney (international).

  1. If you’re less concerned about adjustability and squish and more concerned about power, consider the three-speed NS Novelties Luxe Scarlet, which is $39 and similarly “fluttery,” at least on the first two settings. []
Dec 062018
 
Giveaway: win a bike tube harness!

Have you seen how beautiful the harnesses by Oxyd Creations are? Well if you haven’t, you’re in for a treat because I’M GIVING ONE AWAY! These 100% vegan harnesses are handmade in Canada from recycled bike tubes. They’re sturdy and sexy and lined with soft felt, with sizing options to accommodate any body size. I’m giving away the harness of your choice from Oxyd Creations, with or without bike gears!

HOW TO ENTER:

Open to everyone, including international peeps! [. . . read the rest]

Dec 042018
 
When will we stop fearing sex?

[From Crash Pad, one of the best sites on the internet for feminist porn,
censored to protect Tumblr’s delicate sensibilities.]

As I write this, sipping a chestnut praline latte at my local Starbucks, I know I’m living on borrowed time.

Last week, Starbucks caved to pressure from an anti-porn organization and announced that starting in 2019, they will be blocking “pornography and illegal content” on their wifi networks. This, of course, means the salacious and utterly disgraceful sex toy review blog you are currently reading will likely become inaccessible.

Then yesterday, Tumblr hammered the final nail in the coffin of their increasingly-aggressive crusade against adult content, stating that such content will no longer be allowed on the platform. [. . . read the rest]

Nov 212018
 
Sex toy Black Friday + Cyber Monday sales!

GOBBLE GOBBLE, peeps. I’m here to help you get the best Black Friday and Cyber Monday deals on sex toys! If you’ve been waiting to buy something I raved about, now is probably the time. Discounts like these don’t happen on such a grand scale at any other time of the year. The best part? You can stay in your pajamas!

If you’ve been waiting for a good price on the sex toy of your dreams, now is the time to get it. I watch sales and deals all year long, but this is when retailers tend to pull out all the stops. [. . . read the rest]

Nov 182018
 
Review: Uberrime dildos (Splendid & Helios Sun God)

When I was but a wee sex toy reviewer, every new sex toy material was a treat. Not yet jaded by years of masturbatory ordeals, my vag was wowed by the smoothness of glass, the heft of stainless steel, the beauty of wood, the silkiness of silicone. Then I experienced luscious dual-density silicone, a true turning point. I quickly crowned it my favorite soft material and proceeded to stuff myself silly with dildos made out of it.

That was 8 years ago, that glorious time of squishy exploration, so now I tend to take such materials for granted. [. . . read the rest]

Nov 172018
 
Dildo carnival giveaway winners

It’s time to shut the dildo carnival down, folks. We’ve eaten a lot of corn dogs, played a bunch of games, and indulged in various carnival attractions, and now I get to hand out all the sex toy prizes. Of which there are MANY!

Below, I’ve listed the winners of the mini giveaway attractions, followed by the rest of the giveaway winners. All giveaway winners have been contacted.

If you didn’t win something, don’t despair: Black Friday is next week, and as usual I’ll be publishing a post featuring all the best sex toy sales. Sign up for my newsletter to stay in the loop, or keep an eye on my Twitter. [. . . read the rest]

Nov 132018
 
Review: Sona Cruise

You could almost hear the collective groan from the entire sex toy industry when LELO announced the Sona. After an insufferable year and a half of HEX HEX HI HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT OUR HEX, this is what they released. This is the cool new thing. And as per LELO protocol, boy do they want you to think it’s special and revolutionary and entirely their own idea, not at all influenced by the bevy of air flow clit stimulators that have flooded the market in recent years.

LELO calls the Sona a “sonic massager,” claiming that the toy uses “sonic waves and pulses” rather than vibration. [. . . read the rest]

Nov 052018
 
Review: Volta

I’m not the type to chase adventure. Some people hop on roller coasters, travel to far-off lands, skydive out of planes… but I don’t pine for that rush of adrenaline. I’m more of a homebody, thriving most on routine and safety. My idea of an exciting time? Masturbating with a bizarre new sex toy to determine, once and for all, how its weird shape feels against my genitals.

I first saw the Fun Factory Volta in a brief, fleeting Instagram video my friend sent me to ridicule. “It looks like a vibrating duck beak,” they said. “It scares me.” I showed the link to my girlfriend, who promptly typed back, “why does everyone want to slap the clit!”

But I was not scared. [. . . read the rest]

Oct 032018
 
Dildo carnival: a HUGE sex toy giveaway!

Pretty lights; sweet, crispy deep-fried dough; the rush of adrenaline as you narrowly escape with your life — there’s just something magical about carnivals. So, to celebrate 11 years of sex toy blogging, I decided to throw a DILDO CARNIVAL! Where instead of winning a lousy stuffed animal you didn’t really want anyway, you can win a fancy sex toy of your choice.

[All graphics by the amazing Aerie.]

In this carnival, I’m giving away the best sex toys on earth — as judged by my discerning genitals. I’ve got everything from vibrators to dildos to butt stuff to penis toys to harnesses to gender products, plus gift cards for the indecisive and a porn membership for the pervs! [. . . read the rest]

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  • My deal is baaack!
    Get the Pure Wand for $79 (33% off!) and Splendid dildo for $49 thru 12/17!
  • Holiday shipping deadlines!
    Sex toys delivered to your door in time for the holidays? Heed these deadlines. More

    SheVibe

    • 12/17 by 11 am EST: ground shipping deadline
    • 12/19 by 11 am EST: three-day shipping deadline
    • 12/20 by 11 am EST: two-day shipping deadline
    • 12/21 by 11 am EST: next-day shipping deadline
    • Shop SheVibe now!

    Peepshow Toys

    • 12/17 : ground shipping deadline
    • 12/20: first class, priority, and two-day shipping deadline
    • Shop Peepshow Toys now!

    Spectrum Boutique

    • 12/12: international shipping deadline
    • 12/19: US flat rate shipping deadline
    • 12/20: US express shipping deadline
    • Shop Spectrum Boutique now!

    Tantus

    • 12/14 by 7:30 am PST: ground shipping deadline
    • 12/19 by 7:30 am PST: two-day shipping deadline
    • 12/20 by 7:30 am PST: next-day shipping deadline
    • Shop Tantus now!


    Early to Bed

    • 12/19 by noon CST: priority shipping deadline
    • 12/21 by noon CST: express mail shipping deadline
    • Shop Early to Bed now!

     

    On sale

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