Hi, I’m Piph, and I have a very discerning vagina.

Not something you hear often, is it? But it’s true: for over a decade, I’ve been testing sex toys and writing about them on the internet. Highly trusted and well-known for my snarky yet authentic sex toy reviews, I’ve been called “the Samantha Bee of our nether regions.” Welcome to Hey Epiphora, where the lube flows like wine, the G-spot isn’t a mystery, and masturbation sessions frequently end with me wondering, “did humans even test this?!”

Not sure where to begin?

Dive into my sex toy reviews or my greatest posts, visit my 700+ sex toy collection, skip straight to my all-time faves, peruse my FAQ, or go shopping.

Piph Libs™: mad libs for discerning perverts
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Piph Libs™: mad libs for discerning perverts

Traditional mad libs are not nearly filthy enough for me. That’s why I created Piph Libs™. It’s the latest party game to play with your perverted friends, with stories all about masturbation, sex shops, porn, sex parties, squirting, and other X-rated hijinks! Eight titillating stories available in both online and printable form, so you can play however you desire. Fun for (not at all) the whole family! My inspiration for Piph Libs™ was a lack of truly risqué mad libs […]... Keep Reading
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Favorite sex toys EVER

I’ve put hundreds of things on/in/around my genitals, so it means a lot to make it here.

see all my favorites

Greatest hits

I’m sure my writing teachers are very proud.

Black LELO Ora (original), blue LELO Ora 2 on a hardwood floor.

Review: Ora 2

I wish the entirety of this review could just be the word no. Not even repeated for emphasis, not even in all caps. Just a single,... Keep Reading
The Eroscillator standing proudly on a table, with the Ultra Soft Fingertip attachment (marshmallow) on it.

Review: Eroscillator

You know those butt-ugly animals, like hairless cats and shivery Chinese Cresteds, that instinctively disgust you — until you fall in love with one, and... Keep Reading
Shiri Zinn Cupcake vibrator, and the tools to dismantle the patriarchy. (Fork and knife.)

Review: Cupcake

This sex toy is everything I hate. Cutesy. Twee. Pink. Girly. Symbolic. I want to chuck it into a river. So why am I reviewing it? Oh, I... Keep Reading
The Jimmyjane Rumble Seat, a white plastic toilet-looking chair with a grey vibrating bump on top, standing in front of my sex toy closet.

Review: Rumble Seat

When you arrive at the sex party and present the guests with your vibrating sex chair, you don’t exactly want the response to be “that... Keep Reading
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Daily dose of snark

When you just need some righteous rage. So, every day?

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Ancient Post Randomizer™

I can’t be held responsible for what you find here. I’ve been blogging for over a decade, yo.

Sex Workers in Canada