The best prices you’ll find all year, plus exclusive deals and free stuff!

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!
GOBBLE GOBBLE, peeps. This is it: my annual list of the best sex toy deals for Black Friday and Cyber Monday! If you’ve been waiting to buy the vibrator, dildo, or butt plug of your dreams, I suggest getting it now. Discounts like these don’t happen on such a grand, sweeping scale at any other time of the year. Best of all?...
Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.
We shivered in our seductive outfits. It was October, two days before my birthday, in a damp backyard. Party attendees were trickling in, dodging the drizzling rain as they embarked upon their COVID tests. We made small talk as we awaited our results, eyeing each others’ silhouettes. What’s small talk and what’s flirtation? Here, the line is fuzzy. That’s what makes it...

Favorite sex toys EVER

I’ve put hundreds of things on/in/around my genitals, so it means a lot to make it here.

Greatest hits

I’m sure my writing teachers are very proud.

Jimmyjane Little Chroma on top of my blender.
The Jimmyjane Little Chroma is a scam. Not like your “friend” emailing you in distress because they’re stranded in London. Not like replying to a...
Screenshot from the now-defunct Teddy Love crowdfunding video, of a woman touching a teddy bear's nose.
This is not cute. This is not adorable. This is not acceptable. A teddy bear with a vibrating muzzle? Really? This is condescending, infantilizing, and damaging....
The Eroscillator standing proudly on a table, with the Ultra Soft Fingertip attachment (marshmallow) on it.
You know those butt-ugly animals, like hairless cats and shivery Chinese Cresteds, that instinctively disgust you — until you fall in love with one, and...
Afterglow PulseWave vibrator showing off its useless laser light energy.
I feel bad for celebrities. You’ll never hear me say that again. But they got the Afterglow in their goodie bags at the Oscars, and this is not what...

Daily dose of snark

When you just need some righteous rage. So, every day?

Ancient Post Randomizerā„¢

I can’t be held responsible for what you find here. I’ve been blogging for over 15 years, yo.