Hi, I’m Piph, and I have a very discerning vagina.

Not something you hear often, is it? But it’s true: for over a decade, I’ve been testing sex toys and writing about them on the internet. Highly trusted and well-known for my snarky yet authentic sex toy reviews, I’ve been called “the Samantha Bee of our nether regions.” Welcome to Hey Epiphora, where the lube flows like wine, the G-spot isn’t a mystery, and masturbation sessions frequently end with me wondering, “did humans even test this?!”

Not sure where to begin?

Dive into my sex toy reviews or my greatest posts, visit my 700+ sex toy collection, skip straight to my all-time faves, peruse my FAQ, or go shopping.

Piph Libs™: mad libs for discerning perverts
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Piph Libs™: mad libs for discerning perverts

Traditional mad libs are not nearly filthy enough for me. That’s why I created Piph Libs™. It’s the latest party game to play with your perverted friends, with stories all about masturbation, sex shops, porn, sex parties, squirting, and other X-rated hijinks! Eight titillating stories available in both online and printable form, so you can play however you desire. Fun for (not at all) the whole family! My inspiration for Piph Libs™ was a lack of truly risqué mad libs […]... Keep Reading
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Favorite sex toys EVER

I’ve put hundreds of things on/in/around my genitals, so it means a lot to make it here.

see all my favorites

Greatest hits

I’m sure my writing teachers are very proud.

Womanizer air flow / pressure wave suction vibrator, with its ridiculous fake jewel, on a very white bed.

Review: Womanizer

Why isn’t this sex toy wearing a wife beater?Why isn’t it blasting Eminem?Why isn’t it friends with OJ?Why doesn’t it endorse Robin Thicke?Why doesn’t the spout... Keep Reading
Me holding the Diva Cup silicone menstrual cup, with appropriately blood-colored polish on my fingernails.

Review: Diva Cup

The Diva Cup is the greatest thing I’ve put in my vagina that has not resulted in orgasm. Whenever I use it, I emerge from the... Keep Reading
Spareparts Hardwear Joque harness as modeled by the lovely Penny and Bex.

Review: Joque harness

In many ways, the glory of the Spareparts Hardwear Joque lies in what it is not. It’s not a re-hashing of the usual harness style.... Keep Reading

Review: Intensity

The Intensity, as the fable goes, did not begin as a sex toy. It began as a medical apparatus used to strengthen the pelvic floor... Keep Reading
browse my greatest hits

Daily dose of snark

When you just need some righteous rage. So, every day?

gimmie more snark

Ancient Post Randomizer™

I can’t be held responsible for what you find here. I’ve been blogging for over a decade, yo.

Sex Workers in Canada