Hi, I’m Piph, and I have a very discerning vagina.

Not something you hear often, is it? But it’s true: for over a decade, I’ve been testing sex toys and writing about them on the internet. Highly trusted and well-known for my snarky yet authentic sex toy reviews, I’ve been called “the Samantha Bee of our nether regions.” Welcome to Hey Epiphora, where the lube flows like wine, the G-spot isn’t a mystery, and masturbation sessions frequently end with me wondering, “did humans even test this?!”

Not sure where to begin?

Dive into my sex toy reviews or my greatest posts, visit my 700+ sex toy collection, skip straight to my all-time faves, peruse my FAQ, or go shopping.

The Vibratex Magic Wand Plus corded vibrator dangling in front of a green plant.
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Review: (Hitachi) Magic Wand Plus

There are still people making good decisions in this world. The reason I know this is because the Magic Wand Plus exists. The Magic Wand Plus is an upgraded version of the Magic Wand Original, the classic 50-year-old “back massager” famous for “relieving aches and pains.” We’re not supposed to call it the Hitachi Magic Wand anymore, precisely because Hitachi was starting to sense those suggestive quotation marks, but it remains colloquially known by its former name — and forever […]... Keep Reading

Favorite sex toys EVER

I’ve put hundreds of things on/in/around my genitals, so it means a lot to make it here.

Greatest hits

I’m sure my writing teachers are very proud.

Hot Octopuss Queen Bee oscillating rechargeable vibrator on a yellow polka dot plate.

Review: Queen Bee

Me, masturbating: uh, don’t mind me, I’m just over here jamming this ugly-ass hairbrush-lookin’ thing against my vulva in a feeble attempt to orgasm. And I’m... Keep Reading
Lovehoney Flash USB rechargeable vibrator on top of a dictionary, open to the definition of "buzzy."

Review: Flash

The year is 2013 AD. Yet, eyes closed and knowing nothing, I could swear that the Lovehoney Flash is a tiny gourd stuffed with bees from 54 BC.... Keep Reading

Daily dose of snark

When you just need some righteous rage. So, every day?

Ancient Post Randomizer™

I can’t be held responsible for what you find here. I’ve been blogging for over a decade, yo.