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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Porn gems: playful domination & fireside fucking

    A hand caressing the tattooed leg of a person wearing a strap-on: the New York Collective Shilo dildo.

    Queer sex party chronicles: every night a blank slate

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
  • Random

butt toys

My blanket tag for all things THE BUTT. I just like the word “butt” better than “anal.”

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Drawer of sex toys, dildos and vibrators alike.
BanterToybox ReportsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

Peek inside my sex toy storage

January 14, 2011
I already told you about my awesome plastic storage drawers, but y’all are creepers, so I figured you’d want to...
Keep Reading
Oh hai, I AM ORANGE. The Tantus Ryder on a wooden floor.
Anal ToysSex Toy Reviews

Review: Ryder

July 26, 2011
There is nothing wrong with the Tantus Ryder. This is a butt plug that means business. It does its job...
Keep Reading
Bedside table set-up before jacking off at #dildoholiday.
FeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #20

June 2, 2016
October 24, 2015 My secret shame: I am terrible at remembering to pack lube when I travel. And porn. On...
Keep Reading
NobEssence Romp anal plug, lying on a craggy rock in the great outdoors.
Anal ToysGuest Reviews

Guest Review: Romp

March 29, 2011
I am unabashed about my love for the NobEssence Romp. I can’t help it if it’s the best butt plug...
Keep Reading
Tantus neon dildos and butt plug
FeaturesSex Toy News

Tantus, your neon colors are killin’ me

October 15, 2010
Yes, this is real life. Awesome silicone sex toy manufacturer Tantus has decided to make a limited run of three...
Keep Reading
Epiphora's best sex toys of 2012
Best & Worst Sex Toys of the YearGuides

Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2012

December 20, 2012
Ahhh, yearly traditions! As 2012 comes to a close (how did that happen, though, seriously?!), the time has come for me...
Keep Reading
We-Vibe Pivot and Verge cock rings lying on a book on top of a nightstand.
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Hell Yes: We-Vibe delves into cock rings and butt plugs

June 7, 2017
Progress is slow, yet quick. I’ve had this sex blogging gig long enough to have been around when the first...
Keep Reading
Two women licking an enormous black butt plug that looks... smudged.
BanterDirty Videos

Pornfail: Mmm, rubber

July 14, 2011
Girls. I have a serious matter to discuss with you. That rubber thing you are tonguing and eating? It doesn’t...
Keep Reading
Vixen Creations Buddy silicone anal butt plug
Anal ToysSex Toy Reviews

Review: Buddy

July 4, 2008
Buddy came to me as if from outer space — sitting upright inside a plastic tube. A blurb on the...
Keep Reading
Ask Piph logo, with a sex toy forming the question mark.
Ask PiphGuides

Ask Piph #5

April 30, 2013
I was wondering if you’ve ever had an allergic reaction to any of your toys, or what you might suggest...
Keep Reading
Romp butt plug in gorgeous honey-colored Mora wood.
Giveaways

New decade, new butt plug winner!

January 17, 2010
Wow! The response to my New decade, new butt plug giveaway was enormous! Thank you all for commenting, tweeting, blogging,...
Keep Reading
Anal ToysSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: Deck the Halls butt plug

January 15, 2009
I’ve been longing to try a glass butt plug for a while now. Which is not to say I’m a...
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Marc Dorcel Geisha Plug and Fun Factory B Balls kegel ball anal plugs on a moss-covered brick, among leaves.
Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementAnal ToysSex Toy Reviews

Review: Geisha Plug and B Balls

July 28, 2015
I can’t prove it — unless Google Talk instant message logs count as evidence — but I had this idea...
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BanterSunshine & RainbowsToybox ReportsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

Tantus sends me a box of challenges

August 17, 2011
I emailed Tantus last week because someone bought stuff on their site through my affiliate link, but the sale didn’t...
Keep Reading
NobEssence Romp on a concrete surface.
Anal ToysHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Romp

June 30, 2009
Accustomed as I am to receiving beautiful and high-quality sex toys in the mail, I usually do not feel my...
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Anal ToysSex Toy Reviews

Review: Bob

May 22, 2009
I’m going to resist the urge to refer to the LELO Bob as though it were male. It is going...
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1 2 3

Latest posts

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Epiphora's orgasmic getaway giveaway! ($1,500 grand prize, 80+ prizes)

Orgasmic getaway giveaway! ($1,500 grand prize, 80+ prizes)

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

Review: Better Sex Synergy Pleasure System

Cards in a sex game called "Foreplay"

How not to design a sex game

Bouquet of hand drawn sex toys.

Friends who have sex with each other

Revel Body sonic vibrator... plus jump drive and "competitor model."

Review: Revel Body

The pinnacle of relief

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