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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

    Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
  • Random

butt toys

My blanket tag for all things THE BUTT. I just like the word “butt” better than “anal.”

Latest
  • Latest
  • Oldest
  • Random
  • A to Z
BanterSunshine & RainbowsToybox ReportsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

Tantus sends me a box of challenges

August 17, 2011
I emailed Tantus last week because someone bought stuff on their site through my affiliate link, but the sale didn’t...
Keep Reading
Oh hai, I AM ORANGE. The Tantus Ryder on a wooden floor.
Anal ToysSex Toy Reviews

Review: Ryder

July 26, 2011
There is nothing wrong with the Tantus Ryder. This is a butt plug that means business. It does its job...
Keep Reading
Two women licking an enormous black butt plug that looks... smudged.
BanterDirty Videos

Pornfail: Mmm, rubber

July 14, 2011
Girls. I have a serious matter to discuss with you. That rubber thing you are tonguing and eating? It doesn’t...
Keep Reading
NobEssence Romp anal plug, lying on a craggy rock in the great outdoors.
Anal ToysGuest Reviews

Guest Review: Romp

March 29, 2011
I am unabashed about my love for the NobEssence Romp. I can’t help it if it’s the best butt plug...
Keep Reading
Drawer of sex toys, dildos and vibrators alike.
BanterToybox ReportsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

Peek inside my sex toy storage

January 14, 2011
I already told you about my awesome plastic storage drawers, but y’all are creepers, so I figured you’d want to...
Keep Reading
Nexus G-Rider vibrating butt plug
Anal ToysSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: G-Rider

December 16, 2010
I’m just going to have to admit defeat with this one. The Nexus G-Rider is too much for my butt....
Keep Reading
Nasstoys Ecstasy Rope, which resembles a blue jelly snake with a vibrator attached, with its packaging.
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Um, No: Ecstasy Rope

November 8, 2010
The Nasstoys Ecstasy Rope is just what you always wanted: a pipe cleaner for your genitals. It is a long...
Keep Reading
Tantus neon dildos and butt plug
FeaturesSex Toy News

Tantus, your neon colors are killin’ me

October 15, 2010
Yes, this is real life. Awesome silicone sex toy manufacturer Tantus has decided to make a limited run of three...
Keep Reading
Banter

Purpleheart vs. Cocobolo

August 31, 2010
These kinds of emails are the best to receive: It’s time for another round of awkward question of the day:...
Keep Reading
Purple aluminum dildo lying in the snow.
DildosGuest Reviews

Guest Review: Alumina Motion

June 23, 2010
Ah, the Tantus Alumina Motion. One of my favorite dildos. I gave one away in my blogiversary blowout, to an...
Keep Reading
Anal ToysSex Toy Reviews

Review: Pfun

March 27, 2010
As my first stainless steel butt plug, it’s kinda funny that the njoy Pfun is meant, well, for the prostate...
Keep Reading
Fun Factory Flexi Felix silicone anal beads
Anal ToysSex Toy Reviews

Review: Flexi Felix

March 21, 2010
I’ve been reviewing sex toys for over two years now, so it’s high time I tried some mothafuggin’ anal beads....
Keep Reading
Romp butt plug in gorgeous honey-colored Mora wood.
Giveaways

New decade, new butt plug winner!

January 17, 2010
Wow! The response to my New decade, new butt plug giveaway was enormous! Thank you all for commenting, tweeting, blogging,...
Keep Reading
Romp butt plug in gorgeous honey-colored Mora wood.
Giveaways

Giveaway: New decade, new butt plug

January 4, 2010
The year is 2010. It’s a new decade, and you’re ready for a change. Your butt plug collection is paltry,...
Keep Reading
Anal ToysSex Toy Reviews

Review: Luna

August 26, 2009
The first thing you should know about the Jollies / LuzArte Luna is that it is large: 6″ long and...
Keep Reading
Anal ToysSex Toy Reviews

Review: Alumina Pace

July 3, 2009
After my disappointing experience with California Exotic’s aluminum butt plugs, Metis Black (president of Tantus) offered to send me Tantus’s...
Keep Reading
1 2 3

Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

Pills spilled on an orange surface.

The 2 weeks of my sex life I lost to Zoloft

The Eroscillator standing proudly on a table, with the Ultra Soft Fingertip attachment (marshmallow) on it.

Review: Eroscillator

Hitachi Magic Wand Rechargeable vibrator on a zig-zag-patterned rainbow crocheted blanket.

Review: (Hitachi) Magic Wand Rechargeable

Split Dildo chillin' next to my coffee and mug warmer.

Review: Split Dildo

njoy Pure Plugs (medium and large) in a jewelry box with a bunch of gaudy bracelets and rings.

Review: Pure Plugs

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