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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

    Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
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I like to write about porn. Do you like to watch porn? Go here.

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DVD cover of Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Advanced Anal Sex, porn film directed by Tristan Taormino
PornSex Toy Reviews

Review: Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Advanced Anal Sex

March 8, 2012
Tristan Taormino is obsessed with the butt. This is a known fact. But somehow it’s been four years since her original...
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PornSex Toy Reviews

Review: The Private Life of Josh Elliot

November 27, 2008
Genre: GayDirector: George DuroyLength: 2 hours, 15 minutesCast: Josh Elliot, Ethan Clarke, Benjamin Bloom, Jeff Daniels, Ralph Woods, Alex Orioli,...
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DVD cover of Seven Minutes in Heaven, queer porn directed by Courtney Trouble
PornSex Toy Reviews

Review: Seven Minutes in Heaven

February 4, 2010
Billed as the “first ever gonzo queer film,” Seven Minutes in Heaven is a reality porn film that gathers a...
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PornSex Toy Reviews

Review: Content

October 4, 2009
Writing this review feels like a bit of a sham. Eon McKai‘s Content is meant to speak for itself —...
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Chemistry Vol. 1 porn DVD by Tristan Taormino, lying on an orange blanket with a container of arousal cream on top.
BanterTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

New arrival: Chemistry 1 and Cleopatra’s Secret

October 25, 2008
I think my boyfriend has discovered the secret to giving me gifts: all sex toys! For my birthday, he got...
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Video camera pointed directly at you, ominously.
BanterDirty VideosDisingenuous AssholesFeminism's Not a Dirty Word

Porn, degradation, and Khan Tusion

February 7, 2011
When people talk about degradation in porn, they usually don’t know what they’re talking about. The majority of porn is...
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BanterDirty VideosFeaturesJack-off Journal

Porn gems: playful domination & fireside fucking

August 21, 2022
Having jacked off to pornographic material for two decades now, I think I’ve earned the title “porn connoisseur.” I’ve been...
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DVD cover of Roulette Dirty South, queer porn directed by Courtney Trouble
PornSex Toy Reviews

Review: Roulette Dirty South

February 5, 2010
Roulette Dirty South is the second installment in Courtney Trouble’s Roulette series, which consists of vignette-style films. Per its name,...
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When you zoom out, you see that the man performing cunnilingus is fully clothed, down to the dirty sneakers.
FeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #3

January 3, 2010
December 10th, 2009 Having received an orange Jimmyjane Little Chroma in the mail from a Halloween giveaway I didn’t know I...
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Hi, I love youPornSex Toy Reviews

Review: Belladonna’s Strapped Dykes

January 19, 2010
There will be squirting, tons of it — onto faces, asses, assholes, sheets. There will be spitting, punching, smothering, choking....
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The Price of Pleasure DVD cover
BanterDirty VideosDon't Trust the HeadlinesFeaturesMovie Night

Porn documentaries (the bad news)

October 29, 2008
The bad news is, they’re hard to come by. And when you do come by them, they are usually negative...
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PornSex Toy Reviews

Review: Girls Girls Girls II

April 5, 2009
Girls Girls Girls II is an ’80s-inspired porno directed by the fabulous Joanna Angel. There is no plotline, just discrete scenes,...
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DVD cover of Roulette Berlin, queer porn directed by Courtney Trouble
PornSex Toy Reviews

Review: Roulette Berlin

February 7, 2010
Roulette Berlin follows in the footsteps of Roulette Dirty South and the original Roulette; it is a film composed of...
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Belladonna masturbating on a green bed.
Adventures in SquirtingFeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #7

May 25, 2010
April 6th, 2010 Wow, most frustrating masturbation session in a long time. I watched, but not really, Fashionistas, which wasn’t...
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DVD cover of Champion, queer porn directed by Shine Louise Houston
PornSex Toy Reviews

Review: Champion

July 7, 2009
Go ahead, tar and feather me… I didn’t love Champion. It pains me not to fall head-over-heels in love with...
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Courtney Trouble on a bed, holding a camera up to their eye.
FeaturesInterviews

A chat with Courtney Trouble, pt. 1

February 2, 2010
Courtney Trouble and I didn’t mean to have a drunken online chat; it just happened. I’d been meaning to email...
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Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

Clandestine Devices Mimic vibrator on an ancient-looking egg scale. The cons outweigh the pros.

Anatomy of a negative sex toy review (or: the Mimic)

A hand caressing the tattooed leg of a person wearing a strap-on: the New York Collective Shilo dildo.

Queer sex party chronicles: every night a blank slate

3D-printed clitoris organ, showing the entire external and internal structure, on a galaxy backdrop.

The clitoris: still the center of my universe

LELO PicoBong Kiki vibrator (photo by Mandi at EROntric, used with permission)

Review: Kiki

My pink sex toys all together. YOU REPULSE ME.

The color most likely to send me on a murderous rampage

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