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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

    Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
  • Random
njoy Eleven stainless steel dildo
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Eleven

August 22, 2010
I don’t normally have sexual dreams, but I’ve had dreams about the njoy Eleven. They were always incredible jack-off sessions...
Keep Reading
Sex bloggers laughing at a phone, as usual.
BanterShenanigansSunshine & Rainbows

Friends I’ve made along the way

August 20, 2010
You know, I didn’t expect to make friends doing this. When I started this blog in fall of 2007, I...
Keep Reading
Fun Factory MiniVibe Spring rechargeable silicone vibrator
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Spring

August 17, 2010
The Fun Factory MiniVibe Spring is a little pipsqueak of a vibrator in the same family as Fun Factory’s Bubbles,...
Keep Reading
Gift card to My Tickle Spot
Giveaways

Giveaway: It’s raining Tickle gift cards!

August 15, 2010
So, peeps, remember those Twitter parties I held a while back? They were awesome and really fun, so I decided...
Keep Reading
Suds rolling down Charley Chase's ass.
FeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #10

August 13, 2010
July 1st, 2010 I have learned a lesson about lube bottles. Before use, always cautiously test to make sure the...
Keep Reading
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Talula

August 6, 2010
I have never seen a sex toy angled like Vamp Talula. I mean, this thing is nuts. Just look at it....
Keep Reading
Banter

Protected: Hooray

August 1, 2010
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post....
Keep Reading
A rainbow-striped popsicle between a woman's butt checks, with juices running down her ass.
BanterDirty Videos

Pornfail: Popsicle “fun”

July 30, 2010
This one comes to us from the thoughtfully-titled Pound the Round 2. If you have sensitive teeth, click away now....
Keep Reading
njoy Pure Wand stainless steel G-spot dildo on a painting of the ocean waves.
Adventures in SquirtingAnyway How's Your Sex Life?DildosGreatest HitsHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

My love, the Pure Wand (+ a few tips!)

July 26, 2010
You have come here wondering if the njoy Pure Wand is deserving of its legendary status. If this parenthesis-shaped pound...
Keep Reading
Bleeding Pussy Stroker with Blood Lubricant
"The Industry"BanterFeaturesFeminism's Not a Dirty WordHell Yes / Um, No

Um, No?: Topco’s Fucked line

July 23, 2010
Okay, so, Topco has this new toy line entitled Fucked, and… I’m don’t even know what to think about it....
Keep Reading
BanterToybox ReportsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

Dildo desk takeover

July 21, 2010
A couple days ago, I decided it was time. Time to clean ALL THE THINGS — err, actually organize my sex...
Keep Reading
Belladonna shoving a purple jelly dildo down Sasha Grey's throat.
Adventures in SquirtingFeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #9

July 19, 2010
June 6th, 2010 Here’s a little secret for you: I’ve been jacking off to words lately. I know, blasphemy. I usually...
Keep Reading
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Isis

July 16, 2010
The Luxotiq Isis is a bit of a goody-goody. It’s sugary pink in color, with smooth, clean, harmless lines. It...
Keep Reading
PornSex Toy Reviews

Review: My Own Master

July 8, 2010
There is something about Kimberly Kane’s brain that I really like. My Own Master, her latest directorial movie, reminds me...
Keep Reading
Zini's new things. WHAT ARE THEY?
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Hell Yes: Everything Zini is making?

July 5, 2010
This is what I call a fucking tease: Oh, you want to click on the toys? See bigger pictures? Read...
Keep Reading
Je Joue SaSi oral sex toy.
Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: SaSi

June 29, 2010
The Je Joue SaSi is a few years old now, but it’s still often touted as one of the most...
Keep Reading
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Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

Lowe Aurora, a sex toy that provides "low-level laser treatments" to the vulva

This sex toy will “rejuvenate” your pitiful vulva for just $850

Fun Toys G-Vibe, a purple dildo with a split shape, creepin' on the neighbors through the blinds.

Review: G-Vibe

Jimmyjane Little Chroma on top of my blender.

Review: Little Chroma

A headless man holding a Magic Wand and a realistic dildo toward the camera.

To all the men wanting to talk their wives into sex toys

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