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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

    Review: Dame Kip and Pom

    Review: Zumio E

    New York Toy Collective Jack 2-in-1 FTM stroker & packer

    Guest Review: Jack stroker & packer

    Review: OhMyG

    Review: Caress

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Sex toys on top of wrapping paper.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    The current state of Early to Bed in Chicago, with packing materials amidst dildo displays.

    Dildos in a pandemic: the sex toy industry and COVID-19

    My column in the high school paper, with the headline "Breaking four years of silence." There is a rainbow gradient effect over the image.

    That time I came out to my entire high school

    My logo on top of a glorious sex toy array, on top of a turquoise vulva-esque backdrop.

    Welcome to the NEW Hey Epiphora!

    Supplies for Mirena IUD insertion laid out at the doctor's office, including forceps, lube, gloves, and the Mirena box.

    The (not so) harrowing tale of my IUD insertion

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
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  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ

Banter

Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

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Scare-tactic G-spot headlines complete with stock photos of women and feet.
BanterDisingenuous AssholesDon't Trust the HeadlinesGreatest HitsGuidesWhine Time

An abridged guide to decoding horseshit articles about the G-spot

October 11, 2014
Less than a month ago we were attacked by headlines screaming that the G-spot doesn’t exist, and here we are again,... Keep Reading
Giveaway: the great LELO Mona 2 vibrator summer party!
Adventures in SquirtingGiveaways

Giveaway: the great Mona summer party!

August 1, 2014
Put on your sunhats, make your best lemonade, and fill up the pool, because the time has come for the greatest party... Keep Reading
Stone egg lying on top of a brochure for "the home buying process."
Banter

Of houses and stone eggs

July 30, 2014
The stone egg of my dreams showed up at work the other day. I’ve been waiting patiently for it, ogling... Keep Reading
Bouquet of hand drawn sex toys.
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterBreak Out the TissuesGreatest HitsShenanigansSunshine & Rainbows

The girl I call Aerie

July 12, 2014
Aerie greets me at the airport with a bouquet of hand-drawn sex toys. Eleven toys, all of them my favorites, with... Keep Reading
The LELO Mona 2 rechargeable vibrator in three colors: purple, red, and cerise (pink), lying on a cream-colored knit fabric.
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterHi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsSunshine & RainbowsToybox ReportsVibrators

I got back-ups of my favorite vibrator and life is perfect

May 12, 2014
I don’t know if you’ve heard: I love my LELO Mona 2. So much that I yell things like “THE MONA IS... Keep Reading
Vixen Mustang, photo by That Virgin Who Can't Drive
Adventures in SquirtingDildosGuest Reviews

Guest Review: Mustang

April 23, 2014
I knew I was in for something good because the email began, “I feel like only you can understand the... Keep Reading
Ask Piph logo, with a Pure Wand in the middle.
Adventures in SquirtingAsk PiphGuides

Ask Piph #6: Pure Wand edition

February 11, 2014
Welcome to a special edition of Ask Piph focused solely on the legendary njoy Pure Wand! If you somehow haven’t... Keep Reading
Whipspider Rubberworks Tentacle dildo
"The Industry"BanterFeaturesSex Toy News

Saying goodbye to Whipspider Rubberworks

January 11, 2014
Want a fantastical dildo in the shape of a unicorn horn or tentacle? This is your last chance. [Edit, years later:... Keep Reading
Dildos among the smorgasbord, at a party.
BanterShenanigansTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

When sex bloggers party

January 5, 2014
Yes, we play with dildos, but not in the way you think… View this post on Instagram A post shared... Keep Reading
Sex toys drying on the kitchen counter.
BanterBlogger LyfeGreatest HitsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

A day in the life of a sex toy reviewer

December 17, 2013
“Glamorous” is not at all a word I would use to describe my life, yet the world continues thinking my... Keep Reading
The Sybian... and packing materials.
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy ReviewerVibrators

Today in my life… a stranger on the internet gifted me a Sybian

December 7, 2013
In this episode of True Life: I’m a Sex Toy Reviewer, I am in disbelief as I unbox this sex machine,... Keep Reading
Lorax, me, and Queerie Bradshaw showing off our special conference manicures on top of some Tantus stickers.
BanterShenanigansTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

I can’t sum up CatalystCon

November 12, 2013
It began in the airport, with my iced coffee in tow, and two war vets grumbling to each other about... Keep Reading
Limited edition tie dye Maverick. My first one was a flesh tone.
"The Industry"BanterFeaturesSex Toy News

Discontinuation alert: Vixen neon dildos

October 29, 2013
I HATE WRITING POSTS LIKE THIS, but you guys deserve to know before it’s too late. These beauties from Vixen... Keep Reading
That cat is totally enthused about the dildos surrounding him. That's his enthusiasm face.
BanterSunshine & Rainbows

The best birthday presents

October 25, 2013
Today, I am 27. I have come to expect very little from people over the years, but Ashley Manta took... Keep Reading
BanterBlogger LyfeGuidesSo You Wanna Be a Sex Blogger

Will Write for Dildos: How and Why Companies and Reviewers Should Work Together

October 5, 2013
For those of you who were unable to attend CatalystCon last weekend, I’m making the panel I was on, “Will... Keep Reading
"The Art of Defamation" by Santi Slade. A drawing of a tongue being restrained by a chain.
BanterBlogger LyfeDisingenuous AssholesFeaturesGuidesInterviewsSo You Wanna Be a Sex Blogger

Can online reviewers be sued for defamation?

September 12, 2013
It’s a simple but horrifying question. Are we, as reviewers, protected from companies that may not like what we have... Keep Reading
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True that. Thanks for the mug @funfactory_intl❤️ #fuck2020 https://t.co/XlXLpLNmZo
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Latest posts

Sex toy Black Friday + Cyber Monday sales!

Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

Review: Dame Kip and Pom

Sex toy survival kits for the apocalypse winners!

Giveaway: sex toy survival kits for the apocalypse

Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

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