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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

    Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

    Review: Dame Kip and Pom

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Porn gems: playful domination & fireside fucking

    A hand caressing the tattooed leg of a person wearing a strap-on: the New York Collective Shilo dildo.

    Queer sex party chronicles: every night a blank slate

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
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  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
  • Random

Banter

Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

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Limited edition tie dye Maverick. My first one was a flesh tone.
"The Industry"BanterFeaturesSex Toy News

Discontinuation alert: Vixen neon dildos

October 29, 2013
I HATE WRITING POSTS LIKE THIS, but you guys deserve to know before it’s too late. These beauties from Vixen... Keep Reading
Liberator Fascinator Shag Throe close-up, with droplets of water all over it.
Adventures in SquirtingAnyway How's Your Sex Life?Greatest HitsHi, I love youPositioning etc.Sex Toy Reviews

Review: Fascinator Shag Throe

June 10, 2009
A while back, after I learned to squirt, I pleaded for someone, anyone, to buy me a Liberator Fascinator Throe.... Keep Reading
BanterToybox ReportsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

All good things must be replaced

July 14, 2009
I knew my Xtreme Pack G-spot bullet would die; it was just a matter of time. It had already outlived... Keep Reading
Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.
"The Industry"BanterSunshine & Rainbows

Talking sex shops over coffee

August 27, 2009
I suppose I have never divulged the fact that I really, really, really want to work at a sex shop.... Keep Reading
A keyboard spelling out "SEX." Because sex blogging = a rearranged keyboard, duh.
BanterBlogger LyfeDisingenuous AssholesFeminism's Not a Dirty WordWhine Time

PSA: Not everything I say is sexual

October 17, 2010
I know this may be hard to believe, but I am not a sex maniac. I do not have sex... Keep Reading
The LELO Ella, a white dildo with a flat tip, lying on a dark blue sheet. It is slightly wet.
Adventures in SquirtingAnyway How's Your Sex Life?DildosGreatest HitsHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Ella, and my first ejaculation

December 11, 2008
You always remember your first. And I’m proud to say that the LELO Ella is mine — the first toy to... Keep Reading
BanterBlogger LyfeTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

Avatar prototype

March 16, 2010
This is a quick snapshot I took when I came up with the idea for my avatar. I wanted to... Keep Reading
My column in the high school paper, with the headline "Breaking four years of silence." There is a rainbow gradient effect over the image.
BanterBreak Out the Tissues

That time I came out to my entire high school

February 23, 2020
In high school, words were my power. Nobody paid attention to me otherwise. I was a queer kid coming of... Keep Reading
BanterTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

One year ago

February 28, 2010
At a cozy little bed & breakfast, we celebrated our fourth anniversary. I had probably the best orgasm I’ve ever... Keep Reading
Dylan Ryan on top of Danny Wylde on a bed.
BanterDirty VideosFeaturesJack-off JournalPornSex Toy Reviews

5 reasons you need to buy the Dylan + Danny scene on the Smitten Kitten

December 19, 2011
I mean, we all know that Dylan Ryan and Danny Wylde are hot. And that Tristan Taormino has an amazing... Keep Reading
BanterBreak Out the TissuesGreatest HitsMaking Progress

The pinnacle of relief

May 7, 2012
I got my chance to tell my parents about my work sooner than I expected. They invited me over for... Keep Reading
"The Industry"BanterDirty Videos

Politics ‘n’ pornstars

October 10, 2008
I’m normally not big on politics, but this election year has been very exciting to follow. The debates, especially, have... Keep Reading
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?Banter

An absence of grimacing

July 21, 2009
Warming my boyfriend up to anal play has been a challenge thus far — to say the least. The last... Keep Reading
BanterSunshine & Rainbows

Wallpaper: Santa Eleven

December 19, 2008
I was hoping to do a whole series of these for the holiday season, but schoolwork won out. Nonetheless, I... Keep Reading
BanterBlogger Lyfe

The perks of tweeting

October 22, 2008
I’m so excited I can hardly sit still! This new blog, and my new Twitter, are working wonders for me.... Keep Reading
Old sex toy box from above.
BanterToybox ReportsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

Once upon a time…

May 13, 2011
…my sex toy collection fit in one toybox (and my photography skillz sucked). This photo was taken on September 6th,... Keep Reading
1 2 3 … 11

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Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Epiphora's orgasmic getaway giveaway! ($1,500 grand prize, 80+ prizes)

Orgasmic getaway giveaway! ($1,500 grand prize, 80+ prizes)

Porn gems: playful domination & fireside fucking

Movie Night: The Final Member

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