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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

    Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
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  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
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Whipspider Rubberworks Tentacle dildo
"The Industry"BanterFeaturesSex Toy News

Saying goodbye to Whipspider Rubberworks

January 11, 2014
Want a fantastical dildo in the shape of a unicorn horn or tentacle? This is your last chance. [Edit, years later:...
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Dee Lee Doo wooden dildos
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: a sex toy belt and a vibe that shoots water at your clit

December 4, 2013
Crowdfunding. Again. Always and forever. This time for wooden dildos, which, if you ask the creator, may just be the...
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Limited edition tie dye Maverick. My first one was a flesh tone.
"The Industry"BanterFeaturesSex Toy News

Discontinuation alert: Vixen neon dildos

October 29, 2013
I HATE WRITING POSTS LIKE THIS, but you guys deserve to know before it’s too late. These beauties from Vixen...
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Nasstoys' Masturbating Glove. It is fingerless, cream-colored, and COVERED IN SPIKES.
FeaturesGreatest HitsHell Yes / Um, No

Um, No: Masturbating Glove (and everything else Nasstoys makes)

October 22, 2013
I interrupt your regularly-scheduled happiness to bring you perhaps the most innocuously-named stuff of nightmares ever to exist. It is...
Keep Reading
Tenga Vi-Bo vibrators
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: vibrating orbs and pony tail butt plugs

October 14, 2013
The We-Vibe 4 is almost here. It’s smaller than the We-Vibe 3, with a much-improved remote. But it’s only available...
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LELO Ida "couples'" vibrator
FeaturesSex Toy News

The LELO Ida is coming…

September 23, 2013
So I have this in my possession: And yes, that is exactly what it does. It swivels and swivels and...
Keep Reading
"The Art of Defamation" by Santi Slade. A drawing of a tongue being restrained by a chain.
BanterBlogger LyfeDisingenuous AssholesFeaturesGuidesInterviewsSo You Wanna Be a Sex Blogger

Can online reviewers be sued for defamation?

September 12, 2013
It’s a simple but horrifying question. Are we, as reviewers, protected from companies that may not like what we have...
Keep Reading
Pipedream Ceramix line
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: ceramic dildos and moustache-shaped vibrators

July 29, 2013
The PVC James Deen dildo was found to be 61% phthalates. Doc Johnson responded with some jibberish. ANME happened and...
Keep Reading
Minna Limon vibrator
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: magnetic kegel balls and Hitachi’s shame

June 5, 2013
The “big” news this time is yet another crowdfunding project, for a vibrator called Limon. It’s made by Minna, makers...
Keep Reading
From above shot of my desk littered with the LELO Smart Wand vibrators and many Vixen dildos.
FeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #16

May 21, 2013
January 24th, 2013 I was really excited to watch the latest video from Wolf Hudson’s website, as it starred Kimberly...
Keep Reading
Tenga Iroha vibrators
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: silicone paddles and self-lubricating vibrators

March 29, 2013
Tenga is breaking out of the masturbation sleeve box they’ve created for themselves, and are now making rechargeable vibrators. I...
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Wake Up Vibe alarm clock vibrator
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: alarm clock vibrators and progressive misogyny

January 24, 2013
It’s always a good day when Jimmyjane comes out with something new. And by “good day,” I mean “giggle fest.”...
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Glass dildos by Fucking Sculptures: G-Spoon, Corkscrew, Two-Cumber, Hooded Nun.
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Hell Yes: Fucking Sculptures

January 7, 2013
These people just cut to the chase. They called their company Fucking Sculptures. I like that gumption. I like it a...
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LELO Mia 2 vibrator
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: bejeweled dildos and shell-shaped cock rings

December 17, 2012
It looks like Papaya Toys is finally releasing the Ice, a silicone dildo with an acrylic jewel embedded in one...
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Lily LaBeau looking sexy with her skirt pulled up, sitting on a couch.
FeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #15

December 15, 2012
July 27th, 2012 Creeped myself out watching a Belladonna movie from 9 years ago called StrapOn Chicks: Bella’s Bitches. There...
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LELO Luna Beads Noir kegel balls
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: thrusting toys and blinged-out vibes

November 15, 2012
Dude, Tantus has gone nuts with the new things this month! Not only did they re-design their website (eradicating most...
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Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

iVibe Massager phone app

Review: iVibe Massager phone app

Review: Better Sex Synergy Pleasure System

Review: Intensity

Holding the key to dildo mansion.

15 things I learned buying a house as a sex blogger

Hot Octopuss Queen Bee oscillating rechargeable vibrator on a yellow polka dot plate.

Review: Queen Bee

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